The Bathroom Incident

A bathroom at last. Now he knew how his father felt, and his uncle, having to take a piss, asking with a fast, low voice almost everywhere they went, as soon as they arrived, “Excuse me, where’s the bathroom? Is it near? I need to go, like now.”

And now it was him, just like them. Had to be genetics. More than pissing, though, he had to do a dump. Sitting on the commode, he sighed relief as his body did its thing, and mourned what he was seeing of his future.

He’d forgotten his phone. “Fuck?” For real? Where the fuck? What the fuck? Where? When? Shaking his head, he farted and grunted and stared at the floor in concentration.

The floor…was kind of cool, like those photos NASA or someone put of nebulae on it. His uncle was always pointing things out to him about space, using an app on his phone to show him constellations and nebulae from the bubble telescope. “That’s the crab nebula. See how it looks like a crab?”

No, Dylan never saw how it looked like a crab, but the floor looked like it had nebulae. His uncle would love this fucking floor. One possible nebula looked like a friggin’ crow outlined with stars, and another —

Reaching for the T.P., he stared, eyes growing wider. That fucking thing looked like a dragon nebula, like a dragon flying through space, like a profile of a friggin’ giant dragon flyin’ through space on ginormous friggin’ wings.

Holy shit, the dragon nebula changed.

The dragon nebula was facing him.

The dragon nebula…was growing larger. He could see its wings flapping. In seconds, Dylan made out its heads, its teeth, its eyes.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Dylan scrambled to wipe his ass, pull up his underwear and pants — and flush — all at the same time so that he could leave, leave, leave, because that friggin’ giant dragon nebula —

“Is here,” he said in a whimper, pants still down.

The dragon’s head burst up out of the floor. Falling back, Dylan said, “Fuck,” not noticing that his hand went into the toilet as he fell backward. The head was soon huge, breaking the walls out. A long fucking neck followed. As it rose, breaking through the roof, he heard people screaming. Then he was looking at the beast’s pale, scaly chest. He wanted to scream but he had no air in him. All he could do was gawp, except the smell was such a stench, like the bear’s slobber on his backpack once when the bear stole it when he was camping out. He wanted to puke but he didn’t want to move. He couldn’t move.

“Hey,” he heard.

The dragon was speaking to him.

“Hey,” he heard again. “Up here.”

Dylan looked further up. No, the dragon was looking down at him, but above the dragon’s head was a girl’s head, or maybe it was a dragon’s head, maybe the dragon had a second, human head, or some strange shit. Whatever the fuck?

The girl was smiling at him.

“Hey,” she said. “You okay?”

“Where’d you come from?” Dylan said.

“There.” She pointed at the floor. “Want to ride a dragon?”

Calmness washed through Dylan. “Sure,” he said. “Fuckin’ right.” He was going to ride a dragon. Fuckin’ right.

But first, he was going to wash his hand.

 

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10 thoughts on “The Bathroom Incident

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  1. Haha. This is epic. I am going to take you for a ride. Dylan. Hmm. I haven’t heard that name in a while. But if that’s what you want? I can work with that. I’ll add that name to my list of names I plan to reveal. When I get to that part… I have… posts I need to finish first (effing internet I fucking hate technology. It always fritz and fucking overheats or misfires or some shit whenever I want it to work because I am writing something I really truly care about)
    I’ve got all of this week and next week sort of set out. They’re all reruns. The new stuff im just making it up as I go on. But you have a little secret window into my world through my soul. The coding manual origins… the chronographer…

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Squee! *clapping hands whilst bounces up and down*
        I’m learning! I wrote a thing last night and set it to publish in 25 hours (from right now). I also wrote another thing 16 hours ago and it will publish in 1 hour (from now).
        I am collecting, I am so good at amassing. But upon the peak of my mountain, I have so many treasures and trinkets and sparkly things. I struggle to decide what I shall next pick up, inspect, scribe then catalogue it for the archives.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Haha. Incredibly. I have always worked well with the flow for I was in it, I was one of the forces that moved it. But WTF a broken neural weir sent me spinning and free wheeling. I’m basically relegated to a paper pusher of the universe now. Gotta.. just… learn to adapt. And so.. here I am I guess. LOL

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Yes. I am. Thank you. Where you the Michael is said I wanted to share the significance of that name’s meaning? There are many people who share the same name and I forget to whom I said what… when online people are only their names.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Hmmm. Thank you for your honesty. But when I get to the part about revealing of the names, Michael is one of symbolic significance to me.
        I also intend to reveal the letters. I intend to break all the seals of the secrets. The bugle and bowls will be released and unleashed and cleanse the world of their shit. I hope I can finish my work before my time is up. Or at least leave enough tools behind for to healing and mending of the rifts I will have shattered.
        To be complete it must both explode and implode simultaneously, harness the untapped power to be found in the stillness of the infinite.

        Liked by 1 person

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