Flooftorial (floofinition) – a period of instruction given by one housepet to an individual or very small group of housepets.

In use: “Although he was a large Golden Retriever, after he was introduced to the small black and white orphaned kitten, he began flooftorials, teaching the tiny creature how to eat, drink water, play and clean himself, while comforting him and keeping him warm.”

Feeling Dumb

I received a Costco paper thingy in the mail yesterday, one of those things with thin but glossy pages stapled together that show, “Here’s what you can buy!” 

I leafed through the leafs because I’m always looking for things to buy, when what do you think caught my eye?

Yes, that’s right, a smart toilet.

Offered by Ove, the description was pithy. They mentioned that it had memory and a remote control. I thought, WTH? Why would your toilet remember you? Does it say, this guy again, and turn on some air freshener? Or is it a matter of adjusting the toilet height and angle to suit your body for the best experience evacuating bowels? And what the heck was the remote control for?

These questions pushed me to search the net for answers. I found a promotional video so that I can share all of those things with you.

The smart toilet disappointed me in the end. While it was impressive on the surface and intrigued me about what it could do, I thought, what about a phone app for it, and voice control? Does it not interface with Siri or Alexa? I don’t know why you’d want to do any of that, but then, I’m not really sold on a remote control for my toilet.

Of course, I shouldn’t be surprised that the smart toilet has arrived. Smart dildos, smart thermostats, smart phones, and smart toothbrushes have been around for some time. Other smart inventions are arriving every day, like smart sex dolls and smart showers. Naturally, with all this smart stuff, concerns are raised about your smarts being hacked, resulting in unexpected problems. Besides someone else taking control of it, these smart devices are calling back home, reporting on what you’re doing.

It’s another reason to not get a smart appliance. Sooner or later, they’re gonna turn on you.


Lane Envy

Lane Envy – anxiety and desire to be in a different lane, often associated with driving and shopping.

In use: “Seeing the other lane going much faster, lane envy struck, prompting him to contemplate moving, but he knew the shopping gods were playing a cruel joke on him. As soon as he changed lanes, this one would go faster, so he stood where he was and bridled his longing to go to another cashier.”

Saturday’s Theme Music

Today’s song splashed into my stream apropos of naught. So, I thought I’d splash it onto this page.

Coming out in the disco era, it has the disco tones that you’d expect. I was twenty and stationed in the Philippines when it hit the airways. It was a good dance tune when you were out clubbing. The dance floor always filled when the song began.

Here’s Tavares and “Heaven Must Be Missing an Angel” (1976).



Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: