Catstery

A catstery is a broad category of mysteries specifically associated with cats. Felinologists have uncovered evidence in ancient records that catsteries have existed for as long as there’s been an association between cats and humans. The first reference to a catstery was found on cave paintings and was interpreted to mean, “The cat is sitting and staring. What is he staring at? There’s nothing there.”

Several more narrow sub-categories of catsteries exist. Most commonly experienced by people are the hisstery, clawstery, purrstery, and furmystery sub-categories.

• Hisstery is a sub-category about why a cat is hissing, or what is a cat hissing at. It is also often incorrectly employed when the catdentity of participants in an unseen fight can’t be determined.
• Clawstery, as a sub-category, is assigned to an event involving cats’ use of claws, such as a rug or chair that’s been clearly scratched by an unknown kitty.
• Purrstery references the sub-category of cats who purr a great deal. Humans rarely think of the purrstery but ask and tell cats, “Who’s a purring cat? Who’s a purring cat? You’re always purring. Why do you purr so much?”
• Furstery is perhaps the most common sub-categories of catsteries people experience. Fursteries are about the many issues associated with cat fur, such as, “How does one little cat shed so much fur?” Also commonly experienced as a furstery is how to remove shedded cat fur from surfaces, especially garments, and keep it off in the three minutes between removing the garment from its hermetically sealed container and putting it on before walking out the door.

However, the most frequently commented upon catstery is trying to understand what the cat wants, what they’re trying to tell you, or why they’re suddenly callivanting about the house. After trying to understand, most people surrender, admitting, “I don’t know what’s going on with that cat.

“It’s a catstery.”