Some days, you know?
You feel like asking all the gods of time and existence, when the hell will this all end? When will lasting change come?
You think of the fights you’ve been in and the efforts you’ve made. You think about the deeper, darker, harsher sacrifices that others endured to achieve their dreams.
You wonder, what needs to be done differently? You examine your life, actions and motives and question yourself about your direction and activities.
Questions bubble up again through the stew of thoughts, emotions, time and observation about who you are, what you’re done and what you’re trying to achieve. You seek your vision and wonder if you’ll ever accomplish anything close to what you see.
Doubts cause you to think, maybe this isn’t working. Maybe I need to change what I’m doing and how I’m doing it.
Because there doesn’t seem to be progress. No light at the tunnel’s end is starting to become noticeable. There’s no sign of dawn. Despite efforts to be confident and hopeful, you feel like you’re wilting under the pressure. Despair becomes your regular companion.
You look for signs and omens, and search for the keys to success and victory. You think, God, others have made it. What does it take? What does it take?
Intellectually, emotionally, physically, you understand what it takes.
Some days, it seems like the reservoirs are empty. There’s nothing left in the tank. Sucking on fumes, you vow to stop and change, because this sure as hell ain’t working.
But you know no other way and grasp the conundrum of your existence. And you sort of smile because these thoughts are so familiar, they have their own place in your brain. And you know there’s so many others exactly like you. Somehow, there should be a measure of solace in that, but this is always so personal.