Tag: humor

Retrofloof

Retrofloof (catfinition) – a time-traveling cat who insists on living in the past.

In use:

Lady, the little gray tabby with a tawny belly, was a retrofloof, disappearing as suddenly as she’d arrived, with as little explanation to it.

He didn’t worry; another retrofloof would soon show up. Other people thought retrofloofs were strays, but he knew that cats liked time-traveling, and preferred (from his experience and perspective, at least) to go into the past to relive their past lives.

How did he know the cats traveled into the past? They’d informed him that it was what they did. Not all who disappeared were retrofloofs, of course; some were alterfloofs, choosing to live in alternative dimensions. But Lady, she had told him, was a retrofloof.

 

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Humor Breaks

I confess: I like goofy humor. I’m a Benny Hill fan. Parody, slapstick, and innuendo makes me laugh. Monty Python’s “Argument Room” remains one of my favorite skits. The silliness on “Red Dwarf” cracks me up.

You’ve been warned.

My wife and I have been enjoying this short video, “I’m About to Whip Somebody’s Ass.”

 

It’s been around for a while. Its rise to my attention prompted me to remember the ones I’ve seen over the years that I’ve most enjoyed. (Well, to my recollection. I probably forgot a few.)

One of the first from long ago was this parody of James Blunt’s song, “You’re Beautiful.” I found the parody inspirational, and tempting. Yes, I was always tempted to sit in my cubicle nude after hearing this.

 

 

Then there was “Alan! Alan!”

All of these were passed on or shared with me, and I’ve passed these on and shared them before. Are there any that you particularly enjoy sharing or passing on?

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The Sniff Test

Have you ever been about to eat something when your cat comes up to smell it, so you let them sniff it, and they draw back with a dismayed look, and then seem to look disappointed that you’re still going to eat this food that smells bad to them?

No? Is it just me, then?

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Floofing

Floofing (catfinition) – slang for when a cat curls up against the curve of a human body to sleep.

In use: “The big Maine Coon loved floofing with her, and she enjoyed it, too, running her hand over his furry belly as the thrum of his purr vibrated against her torso.”

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Floofthopomorphic

Floofthopomorphic (catfinition) – ascribing feline qualities to non-felines.

In use: “He was a floofthopomorphic athlete on the field, astounding all with his quickness, but dismaying them with his ability to be distracted and his unwillingness to listen to others.”

 

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Floofinjay

Floofinjay (catfinition) – a haughty, strutting cat.

In use: “While his rescued siblings retired to their mother’s side, the little tuxedo floofinjay went about the as though he was the new emperor.”

 

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Floofsplain

Floofsplain (catfinition) – people’s habit of talking about their cats, regardless of others’ interest.

In use: “At work, he floofsplained everything that his cat had done the night before. People dared not laugh; laughter only urged more floofsplaining.”

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Disaster Mind

Does an early morning telephone call kick a worried hiss into your mind, “Oh, no, what’s gone wrong? Who died?” Do you sit and think, if there’s a disaster here, how will we survive? Do you ever wonder if you left something on, such as the oven, after you departed the house, or if you closed the garage door, or locked the doors after leaving?

If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, you might be suffering from disaster mind.

Disaster mind is a chronic condition that afflicts millions of Americans. It can strike at any time. Recent studies conducted on the Internet estimate over ninety-nine percent of Americans suffer disaster mind. Although the middle-aged and elderly suffer disaster mind more often, students, professional athletes, sales managers, single people, married couples and parents are frequently prone to disaster mind.

Disaster mind affects more women then men, except during football season. Symptoms include worrying, anxiety, and eating comfort food to cope with worries. Extreme cases of disaster mind cause some people to drink more than one glass of wine or beer a night, complain, and wish for the “good old days.” People suffering from disaster mind tend to dawdle, read a great deal, and watch television and movies. Disaster mind sufferers often follow politics, and self-label as “political junkies.”

If you think you might be suffering from disaster mind, doctors suggest you try not to think about it. If that doesn’t work, indulge in wine or beer with pizza, followed by ice cream or pie, and lose yourself in a good book or movie. Chips with guacamole and cheesy foods also work well.

That’s what works for me.

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