Butt and Tail (catfinition) – a medieval cat expression for all the way.
In use: “As the kittens dawdled, the mother meowed back at them, “Let’s go, butt and tail, butt and tail. Get in the box.”
Floofomachy
Floofomachy (catfinition) – a disagreement or dispute about or over cats.
In use: “The kittens at the adoption fair were the epicenter of floofomachy as children and families all wanted to take them home.”
Floofoolery
Floofoolery (catfinition) – foolish cat behavior; playing silly games with a cat. Tomfloofoolery is used to designate foolish male cat behavior, or playing silly games with a tom cat.
In use: “From the sounds at midnight, it seemed like there was a lot of floofoolery going on in the other room.”
Afterfloof
Afterfloof (catfinition) – the fur and detritus that remains after a cat leaves a space.
In use: “Afterfloof of fur, a piece of bark mulch, and a leaf on the sofa marked where Tucker had slumbered before the garbage truck outside had sent him hunting for sanctuary.”
Floofergize
Floofergize (catfinition) – products and activities designed to stimulate cats. Catologists note that the most simple floofergizers remain simple motion activities for many cats, such as a string, or a small object being flung across the room. Sounds such as treat bags (or bags that sound like treat bags) or a can opening are excellent floofergizers.
In use: “Michael discovered that the best way to find the cats was to shake the kibble box. The sound was a great floofergizer to rouse cats from their hidey holes and bring them into sight.”
Alphabet Issues
Time for a Sunday rant. I have good reason for it. I know; everyone who rants say they have good reasons for their rant. Let me state my case, and then you can decide.
Alphabet Inc. is trying to gaslight me.
Alphabet Inc. was created as a holding company for Google and its multi-tentacled endeavors. Google wants to be everything for us, substitutes for television, Netflix, Amazon, a dominant world force that we can trust. But the delta between what they promise and what’s delivered grows every day.
The three primary Google products I use are Gmail, Chrome, and the calendar. (I also sometimes use Google search, but it’s so damn commercialized, delivering the same results as different entries, that it’s become better to go with other search engines. They’re not much better, though. *Where have all the good searches gone?*) They’re three products that have been around for enough time for them to stabilize and cross that chasm from being bleeding edge to cash cow. When a product reaches the cash cow stage, it’s expected to be reliable and free from significant bugs.
It ain’t so with Chrome and Gmail.
I use the Inbox app to manage my Gmail. I write “manage” because that’s what they use to describe it. Inbox manages my mail as well as a toddler manages the bath water. Emails that have been read and deleted consistently haunt my inbox as unread, causing the frustration and irritation of wading through the past several days worth of mail along with today’s deliveries.
This is where the gaslighting comes in. Gaslighting is an old expression about conning people and confusing them about reality. “Didn’t I already do that?” they ask in old movies.
The villian laughs. “No, dear, you said you were going to. Honestly, were is your mind, my precious?”
That’s how it is with Gmail. “Didn’t I already read that?” I ask myself as I peruse the Inbox. “Oh, God, I thought I answered that yesterday.” I certainly meant to answer it. Where is my head?
Well, hell, it’s not my head, it’s Alphabet Inc. and their Gmail product. I have read, answered, and deleted these emails. Alphabet is just putting them back in.
Thinking it might be Inbox instead, I used Gmail without Inbox, as an experiment.
Nope; same results.
Don’t get me started on what’s going on with Chrome. It is very effective for administering my daily dose of first world blues and frustration, and is a wonderful impediment to having a good mood as I surf the net.
I would switch from Gmail, but our email addresses have their tentacles in every aspect of our lives. Extricating ourselves is a long and complicated process. It’s getting as involved as doing taxes in America or determining if it’s a catch in the NFL.
Floofbulous
Floofbulous (catfinition) – of, relating to, or resembling a floof.
In use: “A toy black mouse on the floor and a squad of food dishes haled floofbulous nostalgia for her mother’s home, where a squadron of cats had always reigned.”
Cat Commercial
I have to say, I’m a little irritated with a lot of the cat videos on the web. Many of them remind me of those commercials that imply, “If you eat this food, wear these clothes, or drink this beverage, you’ll be young, beautiful, and carefree, and have a wonderful, fun life.”
Doesn’t happen in my life, no matter what I eat, drink, or wear.
The cat videos often show a cat taken in as a stray or a kitten, and how the other cats and household pets adopt the new one, and they all start hanging out together, having fun, snuggling and napping together.
Yeah. Doesn’t happen in my house.
I feel like a U.N. Peace-Keeping Force in my house. I’m constantly manning observation points, watching their movements, and issuing warnings. “You. Tucker. Yes, you. I see you. No, it’s too late for you to try to get small or become invisible.”
Because that’s what cats believe. Cats believe, “If I don’t move, he won’t know I’m here.” Or, “If I get small and move real slow, he won’t be able to see what I’m doing.” These cats don’t think I’m very bright.
But like a life-guard at the pool, I persist. “You’re in the no-floof zone. Get back, please. Get back. Get back now. This is your last warning.”
You ever notice how they seem to realize you’re talking to them. But they’ll stall, putting on an act to buy time so they can come up with an excuse for what they’re doing.
“No, no, you misunderstood,” they finally say with their whiskers and other non-verbal communications. “I wasn’t sneaking up on that other cat with the intention of biting their ear off. I was just coming her to sit down in this spot to wash my face.”
Then that’s what they do. They sit down and wash their face, saying, “That’s all. There wasn’t enough light back there, where I had been napping. I wasn’t going to stalk and attack that other cat. I’m completely innocent.
“Trust me.”
Then they give me a look, to assess, is he buying this. Which is essentially a cat con commercial. So what the cats are really asking themselves as they watch me is, “Is this commercial working?”
Preterfloofural
Preterfloofural (catfinition) – a cat that exists outside of classic physics; a quantum cat.
In use: “Preterfloofural come and go as they please, there and gone without regard to the conventions and restrictions of nature, testing their existence, and others’ beliefs.”
Floofling
Floofling (catfinition) – a small cat.
In use: Underneath four pounds of long, silky fur, he was five pounds of floofling.
Michael Seidel, writer 