Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Floof-gazing (catfinition) – a practice that involves contemplating cats that’s often accompanied by philosophical questions about what cats are doing or thinking, or why cats are engaged in an activity.
In use: “While floof-gazing, he observed one cat steal up on a sleeping feline, sniff the sleeping cat’s rear end, and then slink away.”
Floofsuetude (catfinition) – a cat with a quality of being gentle.
In use: “Though her green eyes blazed with feral fury, a floofsuetude without reservation, she never deigned to raise a paw against another.”
Imfloof Buying (catfinition) – when a cat takes over unplanned control of your purchases.
In use: “My cat stepped on my Kindle Fire, and voila! I had a new thriller, courtesy of imfloof buying.”
h/t to Nancy Smith
Floofus Interruptus (catfinition) – a break in uniformity or continuity attributable to a cat’s behavior or intercession.
In use: “With floofus interruptus (a cat on the lap trying to rub against his hands), the planned typing required one hour vice ten minutes.”
I was thinking about another problem that’s not really a problem, and was surprised that some car company hasn’t already solved it.
Driving through the school zone, I wondered why my car didn’t have a “School Zone Button.” My car, a Mazda CX-5, is a pretty smart car. Its lights and wipers go on whenever the need is detected.
It’s locks are always tricking us, evidence of how smarter it is than us. The door locks are key-less, and depends on you having a fob on your person. You press a button on the outside door handle to unlock it. The car gives you a few friendly beeps and lets you in. But if the button has already been pushed on one side, and someone pushes on the button on the other side, say my wife, the car goes into a frenzy of beeping warning that kind of reminds me of the robot on “Lost in Space” saying, “Danger, Will Robinson!” Walking it is much easier; you just walk away. The car has options to change all of these settings, but they’re exhausting to navigate.
The car has a built in navigation system. This system will show you the speed limit for the road you’re on, and tell you when you’re speeding. You figure that if the car already knows the speed for the road, and knows that I’m in a school zone, I should be able to press a button that will keep the car at the school zone speed.
Yeah, I know, how hard is it to keep a car at that speed? Well, from the number of people who ignore it, it’s pretty damn hard. The school zones seem to go a million miles around the schools in Ashland, starting at 7 AM and going to 5 PM. I rarely see a child in any of them.
The School Zone Button. It’s an idea whose time has come.
One life lesson I learned long ago is to always check for toilet paper before sitting down to do my business. Of course, sometimes the information is useless, because there is no toilet paper, and no solution for the missing toilet paper.
That’s when you follow your “No Toilet Paper” flow chart to decide what to do.
So, cat folks. Have you ever been busy doing something, or killing time while you’re doing something, and look up, and see a little cat head peeking around the corner, watching you? Do you find this:
a. Oh, so sweet, it’s almost precious.
b. Cute.
c. A little freaky.
d. Irritating, because you can’t get a minute to yourself.
e. All of the above?
Yeah, one of my floofs do this, like he’s a spy. The rest just barge in, and either a), rub up against my legs; b), try to get on my lap; c), sit down and watch me while meowing; or d), all of these activities.
Floofyeurism: when a cat spies on you.
Kitigate (catfinition) – to make more hospitable for kittens.
In use: “Boxes, a stuffed animal, and pillows were added to kitigate the room.”
Effloofuence (catfinition) – a substance that flows out of a cat.
In use: “Sometimes the cats shed so much, he thought of it more as a constant effloofuence, rather then individual strands falling from their bodies.”
Editing Note: “Affloofuent” and “effloofuence” are often confused for one another, but their catfinitions are significantly different.
Affloofuent (catfinition) – having an abundance of cats.
In use: “Besides being a reader, writer, and beer-drinker, and beer-drinking, he’s an affloofuent individual, with multiple cats lounging close at hand during all times and activities.”
Michael Seidel, writer 