Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Catwich (catfinition) – inserted or stuck between two or more felines, often in a bed or restricted space, reducing its comfort.
In use: “Once again, he found himself pinned in bed, the human lunch meat in a catwich, with two floofs on either side acting as slices of bread to hold him in. It was like they planned these things.”
Floofgenue (catfinition) – a naive kitten or young cat. Floofgenues were often referred to as females in traditional catology, but it’s now considered acceptable to apply the term to male or female cats.”
In use: “The old tomcat recognized the white newcomer as a floofgenue, and took the other under his paw to teach him the proper way to be a cat.”
Pawticuffs (catfinition) – a blow with a paw; combat with paws without extended claws.
In use: “Sometimes, when Pogo was irritated, pawticuffs would ensue, but the big ginger boy kept his claws retracted, an acknowledgement to them that the loving cat would never hurt them.”
Floofdoggle (catfinition) – an impractical or wasteful activity or project involving one or more cats.
In use: “His penchant for floofdoggles included trying to train his cats to step on a mat that activated the food dispenser, and another one that would turn on a water bowl so the cats could have fresh food and water. Unfortunately, the leery felines chose to go around the mat to get to the food and water bowls, forcing him to devise other ways to satisfy their needs.”
Moo-floof (catfinition) – cat whose meow sounds like a cow bellowing, “Moo”; cat whose markings bring a cow to mind.
In use: “”Moo,” he heard, and looking back, saw a small white-chested tabby energetically pursuing him. “Moo,” the cat repeated, its mouth opened wide. “Moo.””
Connectcat (catfinition) – comprehensive map of a cat’s location in an area via the traces and objects left behind.
In use: “Fur on a chair, a toy mouse under the table, and bags of treats began creating the foundation of the connectcat, which developed a story about where the housecats liked to go and do.”
Kittenstompen (catfinition) (German) – the forceful application of paws to a human’s kidneys or other vulnerable anatomy.
In use: “He said, “Sometimes, in the early morning, a cat decides that I don’t need any more sleep, and then there’s what German-speaking housecats call kittenstompen, which is the forceful application of paws to a human’s kidneys or other vulnerable anatomy.””
h/t to Thomas Weaver, North of Andover
Infloofnia (catfinition) – inability to sleep because of the activity of one or more cats.
In use: “Although he was tired, infloofnia struck as the cats took turns scratching at the door to get in and out, a desire on their part that infuriated him because he knew they wouldn’t want to stay out in that bad weather. Yet, they needed to go out repeatedly, like the weather may have changed in the five minutes since they’d last come in.”
Quinn was all excited, accosting me as I stepped out of the shower. “I have a new song,” he said. “I’ve written the lyrics. Let me sing them to you.”
WAKE UP!
I wannawanna wannawanna
wannawanna
I wannawanna wannawanna
wannawanna
I wannawanna wannawanna
eat now eat now eat now!
“Then it repeats,” Quinn said. “I’ll get T.C. to do a screaming guitar bridge. I call it “Blue Cat @4AM”. It’s a new sound I’m exploring that I call speed floof.”
My cats have started a musical band. They called themselves T.C. and the Backyard Boys.
T.C. is Tucker Cat. Black and white, he plays lead guitar and shares lead vocals with Quinn the black paws. Quinn is the brooding genius who writes their material. Their favorite songs are “Catch the Mouse”, “Watch the Birds”, “What’s that Noise”, and “You Want to Fight”.
Quinn plays the rhythm guitar, too, while Boo is on drums and Papi is the orange cat on the keyboards who also plays bass. Papi and Boo provide backing vocals, too.
Boo – no photo available.
Playing only at night, they call their music floof rock. It sounds like caterwauling to me.
Michael Seidel, writer 