Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Floofbris (catfinition) – a feline’s exaggerated sense of what it can do because it’s a cat.
In use: “The big dog approached the tiny cat and gave a loud bark. Full of floofbris, the little gray cat put up its tail, hissed, and hopped forward and sideways toward the dog. Startled by the little feline’s advance, the dog jumped back, its eyes wide.”
Floofligence (catfinition) – the ability to learn or understand cats, often listed as floofligence quotient, which is also sometimes shortened to floof-q, or F.Q.
In use: “Thanks to being raised in a household where cats of all ages were fostered and socialized, his floof-q was among the highest that other people had ever witnessed, giving him a unique ability to empathize with cats and earning him the nickname, the Floof Whisperer.”
Floofacity (catfinition) – the quality or state of being feline.
In use: “Flash and Ashley ruled with such implacable floofacity, people’s worship of cats as deities was easily understood.”
“Mew,” he said in his soft, sweet, voice. “Mew.” He rubbed his furry body against my calf and looked up with dark, imploring eyes. “Mew.”
“Okay,” I said. “I’ll open another can for you. Please eat it this time.”
I opened the can and spooned contents into a bowl. As I did, the cat celebrated with low purring and sharper, louder mews. I put the bowl down on the floor. “Here you go,” I said.
The cat stepped up to the bowl, but stopped several inches short of it. Leaning forward, he sniffed, and then he looked up at me with hurt sadness.
Turning away from me and the bowl of food, he made three strokes with one front paw, miming covering the food like he was burying his scat. As he did, he gave me a side-glance that whispered, “You are so disappointing.”
Then, bushy tail high and waving like a flag in a light breeze, he trotted away.
Floofstorm (catfinition) – a violent disturbance caused by cats, usually with yowling, growling, hissing, and running.
In use: “A floofstorm disturbed the warm, quiet night. Leaping up to find the search, the couple found their little black cat, Crystal, stalking a large tom by the garage. Yowling, growling, and spitting, he was searching for a way out, but the silent little queen refused to let him get away.”
Floofsanity (catfinition) – 1. Internet slang for crazy cat behavior. 2. A cat who drives you crazy with their behavior.
In use: “In the latest iteration of floofsanity, he’d left his sock drawer open before he left the house. When he’d returned, he found the cat had taken all of his socks out of the drawer and scattered them around the house like a surreal variation on an Easter egg hunt.”
Floofvice (catfinition) – the things humans say to cats and other animals as help.
In use: “”I have some floofvice for you,” he said to his bored tabby cat. “Don’t eat your fur. Just lick it off and spit it out of your mouth. Just because it’s in your mouth doesn’t mean that you have to swallow.””
Kithold (catfinition) – psychological, emotional, or physical grip cats employ to control people and situations.
In use: “The cat did not move, but emitted a high-pitched growl and stared. The kithold effectively froze the people and dogs in place.”
Hartford, CT.
It seems like a strange place for a destination for a writer living in Oregon, but that’s where I was going in my dream.
It began as a confused melange of chaotic colors. A story emerged. I was with my wife, and a friend, Mark (not his real name), and his wife. We’d survived something and had come together. Now we were going to Hartford, CT. Then we’d fly out of there. I don’t know where we were flying to.
I said, “Okay, I know the way. Follow me.”
My wife and I got in our car and started driving. Mark and his wife were in an eighteen-wheeler truck. Mark drove. His truck was glossy black with neon green trim. At first, I was leading, but coming up on two other eighteen-wheelers, I became stuck behind them. Mark passed us. The three trucks were aligned across the highway, blocking all three lanes. All three trucks were painted the same color and style, glossy black with neon green trim.
I managed to pass them with some aggressive driving. The highway entered a woods and then became an unpaved rough path that grew fainter and narrower. We finally stopped because it seemed like the wrong way, and we couldn’t go on.
Meeting up with Mark, he said, “I have GPS. I’ve mapped out the way. Follow me.”
I said, “Where are we going?” I knew we’d said Hartford, Connecticut, before, but it seemed odd.
“Hartford, Connecticut,” Mark said.
“Why Hartford, Connecticut?” I said.
Mark laughed. “Don’t worry. We’re going to fly out of there. Trust me.”
We drove in our vehicles, me following him. In a surprisingly short time, we stopped. We weren’t in Hartford, Connecticut, but in someplace we’d stay until we could go on. My wife went ahead with Mark and his wife while I stayed behind to help a homeless person, chatting with them while giving them food and money.
Then I went to the hotel. I told the desk agent who I was and who I was looking for, but they knew me, and said we were already checked in. I prepared to pay, but they told me it was all already paid for, and showed me into a luxury suite. It was gorgeous, with a private dining area for the suites on that floor that was on a balcony overlooking an amazing vista. That’s where my companions were sitting and chatting.
Mark had it all arranged. All I needed to do was to trust and follow him. I agreed to do that.
After buying some food for our trip, we departed. Two cats traveled with me. Sometimes they were in a kennel, but sometimes they wandered about freely. It seemed like we were traveling in our suite at that point, confusing me. I’d get in my car to drive, but the entire place would go, not requiring me to do anything but trust Mark. My wife and I socialized with him and his wife.
His wife had a birth defect that left her without feet. Instead of feet, her legs ended in two knuckles that she walked around on. She had several animals, too.
An issue emerged with her. She was eating soldiers. As this hubbub arose, I rushed to learn what was going on, and to basically get involved. What she actually ate were small plastic soldiers. While it appalled me because they were plastic, probably didn’t taste good, and lacked nutritional value, I defended her against the rest, and they agreed. They didn’t like it but she wasn’t doing anything wrong.
After that, I fed my cats and found several extra sandwiches that I’d bought for the trip. They were in my car, in a compartment made to hold them. The sandwiches were of the kind called submarine sandwiches, or subs, like I bought at G.C. Murphy’s when I was a child. I didn’t eat the sandwiches, because I had food, but hung onto the sandwiches to eat them later.
That’s where it all ended, giving me a lot to think about on my walks today. We were still enroute to Hartford, Connecticut. It was the place to go, according to Mark, and we’d get there, if I just trusted him.
I’ve already taken some ideas from it. Chiefly, Mark is my muse, and I need to quit second-guessing him. If I do, I’ll get where I want to go.
Hartford, Connecticut? It’s not a matter of the name of the place, but rather a destination that I don’t know. It’s named, but it’s a surprise.
There was another dream, but I feel too exhausted from thinking and writing about that one to go into now. I’ll write about it another time.
Trust me.
Floofgemony (catfinition) – event or circumstances defined by cats having preponderant influence.
In use: “Filled with stories, images, and videos featuring cats and kittens, the Internet was slowly becoming a floofgemony.”
Michael Seidel, writer 