Category: humor

Saturday’s Wandering Thought

He has the bug. It overtook him without warning and is as insistent and annoying as a mosquito visiting his ear canal. Acknowledging what must be done, he goes into his closet and begins pulling out clothes and trying them on. Yes, they’re his clothes, and not his wife’s – not that there’s anything wrong with that. Just a point of order.

First to be tried on is the flight suit that he last wore over thirty years ago. Does not fit, he finds. Hell, it can’t ever be tugged over his shoulders without his spouse’s help. It’s surprising how much it’s shrunk since he last put it on. He keeps his Air Force service dress uniform out of nostalgia, even though it also shrank.

Business suits are next. He formerly wore a lot of them during his time in marketing but hasn’t put one on for almost twenty years. They have also shrunk. He makes a mental note to google why some closets make clothes shrink. Maybe it’s the way he’s storing them or something. Jeans, pants, and shirts are pulled out, tested, and put into neat piles. In an hour, he’s collected three towers of clothes which have shrunk. He’ll donate them to charities.

The shrinking worries him, though. Maybe he should move his other clothes somewhere else before they shrink.

Yes, maybe, he decides.

Maybe.

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Saturday’s Theme Music

We’re under a blue egg sky this morning. A half-moon that seems almost translucent studies us from a perch above the western horizon’s trees. It is Saturday. Looks like we made it.

October 15, 2022, the Gregorian calendar system employed in most of the world declares. I appreciate the decisions made way back in the 1500s and further back, in the third and fourth centuries about how calendars work. Saves me the headache of doing it myself. I’d need a Youtube video for that. The current calendar is built on the back of other calendars, like the Julian. We owe some of our current calendar use to Pope Gregory XIII. I learned these things back in junior high but that’s all I can share without a dose of coffee. The Neurons have ordered a work stoppage until said coffee arrives.

I can still type, though, and note that it’s Saturday, either the end of the week or next to last day of the week, depending on whether you think the week starts on Sunday or Monday. I lean toward Sunday as the week’s beginning, making Saturday the end of my week, but I recall a family argument about when the week begins. Boy, was that a crazy morning.

It’s 61 F right now. Weather analysts tell us that 32 C is possible by late afternoon. No doubt it has a chance. The sun is strong, clouds have slipped away for a long weekend (probably at Cumulopalooza 22), and windshifts are moving the Cedar Creek fire’s particles away from our faces. Located in a steep, rugged area, the fire jumped containment five days ago and is forty percent contained as of today.

Sunset will come at 6:23 PM while the heavenly mechanics brought the sun back into our valley at 7:23 this morning.

The Neurons have seeded the morning mental music stream with “19th Nervous Breakdown”. Doya know the song? Released between fifty and sixty years ago, it was a hit single for this Brit band called The Rolling Stones. This tune was selected, The Neurons inform me, because I went outside, and then told myself to stop and look around. I was enjoying the morning air, breathing deep, letting the sun bathe my face with warm light, and planning my yardwork. The Neurons, of course, carried it off in on a whole other track. But now it’s here, and I must abide by The Neurons.

Coffee is also here, a welcome jumpstart to my taste buds and energy. Stay posimatic and be a negabot. Also take care of yourself. You’re worth it, to steal a commercial line about hair products, don’t you think?

Here’s the music. Cheers

3

Floofdunnit

Floofdunnit (floofinition) – An investigative effort to uncover what animal was behind an act.

In use: “Many pet owners with more than one floof will experience classic floofdunnits such as which creature stole their food, knocked over the trashcan, tore up a plant, or redistributed a cushion’s contents.”

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Wednesday’s Wandering Thought

The organized chaos of commercial air travel reminded him of several things. Number one, always read the fine print. When he bought his ticket, he also bought a seat for a few extra dollars, reasoning, he’d never seen anyone standing up for an entire flight. What he didn’t see anywhere in the seat description was that the seat he selected didn’t recline. He found that out the day before, when he reviewed his flight details.

Naturally, he entertained getting a seat for the five plus hour flight. Several were available for an extra $130. Being one that often spites himself to prove a point, he refused to buy one.

He was sure, though, someday the airlines would figure out a way to start charging for air.

1

Floofclamation

Floofclamation (floofinition) – 1. An animal’s takeover of a place, activity, item, or food.

In use: “Loudly growling, the tiny kitten made the floofclamation that the chicken leg was hers.”

2. Orders given to an animal.

In use: “Helplessly and, she felt, hopelessly, Kerin told her dog not to jump over their six-foot privacy fence, but as soon he was released, he leaped over the fence and then back, as if telling her what she could do with her floofclamation.”

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Floofrise

Floofrise (floofinition) – Moment when animals get up to do things and tries to get others up.

In use: “Many people who live with cats find that floofrise will usually take place at three or four in the morning, while they’re trying to pursue deep sleep. Unfortunately for them, stopping floofrise is as difficult as stopping sunrise.”

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Inflooftution

Inflooftution (floofinition) – Organization established to serve and assist animals.

In use: “Although he seemed destitute, the old man down the street was always feeding and rescuing animals and birds. Astonishing everyone, he used 1.5 million dollars to create an inflooftution to continue his work.”

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Floofhub

Floofhub (floofinition) – A place where animals congregate or socialize.

In use: “In many houses, the floofhub gravitates toward the home’s sunniest spots, depending on the weather, although wherever food is found often quickly becomes a floofhub.”

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