First, my oral surgery this morning went super. I’m recovering without issues.
I don’t know what’s going on with Dad in Texas. They’ve gone silent. I’ve requested updates.
Now, to Mom. After being found constipated and in intense pain, Mom spent the night in a hospital. Now, she’s much better, back at home, and out of pain. But, his situation isn’t sustainable.
The family of Mom’s boyfriend agree. One of them has found an apartment for them. But will Frank agree? Will he move? Someone needs to have a deep heart-to-heart with him, making him see the light, and make it happen.
As with so many things in life, easier said than done. What’s even sadder is that we have multiple couples in this area who are on the verge of becoming Frank and Mom. They’ve set themselves up to move but they’re holding off, holding off, holding off. For what, a crises? Well, in a sense, yes. Change is challnging. They’re not ‘motivated’ to move…yet. But too many people aren’t willing to see for themselves how their situation is getting worse. They convince themselves that they’ll be okay and don’t have to move, so long as they get through the latest. But the latest gets worse. It’s not a one-time event; it’s part of a deepening trend, and they won’t see it. They refuse to see it, to their detriment.
And I do understand this. Making the logical, intelligent decision to change what’s going on is one thing. But following through with the emotional component and then the physical component are often something else altogether. And you know that these people, with their life experiences and age ehind them, often do understand this. They’ve seen others go through it; that’s why they did their planning.
It’s in the execution where they fail. And again, that’s where so many of us come up short, isn’t it?
Michael, your situation with your parents sounds so frustrating and painful. I am sorry you can’t convince them to shift to a better living situation.
Long ago, I bought long term care insurance with 3 years of benefits for in-home care as well as institutional care. After 3 years, I figure I would opt for assisted suicide if things are dire. My will and advanced directives are clear, I hope, about my wishes. Soren says if my Social Security, pension, and retirement savings evaporate because of this regime, I can come live with him. Living alone, I send my Wordle score each morning to a local friend to signal that I am still alive and haven’t fallen down the stairs. It is strange being in this phase of life, where sleeping can produce neck injuries and mysterious bruises appear for no apparent reason.
I’m so glad your surgery went well.
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Thanks, Basketball Jones. I admire and respect how you’ve taken control of your life. So pragmatic. Good to have a good son and a solid backup plan, too. Cheers
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Good news about the oral surgery. Here’s to continued healing.
I’m sorry about the news about your parents. I have no good words to share, other than I empathize, though the parents and parents-in-law have all crossed the bridge. Also sad when it happens. It’s a passage for us all.
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Yes, it’s a common enough situation for people. More of us are aging and staying alive but our quality of life declines. Yet, giving up is not wired into most of us. It’s a challenge.
Thanks for the thoughts on the surgery and situation. Cheers, my friend.
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I understand both sides of this: my husband and I are in the 80’s range, we’ve lived here for 50 years, give or take. It’s hard work, but it’s our choice. and this is important: it’s familiar. I can find my way around this house blindfolded, we both are physically able to function (slower, but still steadily) independently, and from what I”ve seen of local ‘elder hostel” type places around here, I’d rather die here suffocated under an elephant than live in one.
I can well imagine the wrench of leaving a house or apartment that is so familiar you can find the right door in the dark, and finding yourself in a room or rooms that don’t even smell right…
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I get what you’re saying, Judy. It’s a painful situation and not just resolved with a finger snap. I appreciate your thoughts and insights. Cheers
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