When I returned from the coffee shop writing session yesterday, my wife related a story she’d read.
A man began a new habit of going to the coffee shop every Saturday morning. He enjoyed the atmosphere and would surf the net on his phone and text friends while nursing a coffee drink and nibbling a pastry. After a few weeks of this, he discovered he and the owner had once been friends. Then, life happened. This disconnected but now reconnected in a casual way.
One day the guy received an email from the coffee shop owner. The owner said that the barista complained that the man was ogling her on Saturday mornings and that the owner was going to have to bar him. The man refuted what was happening. Through a back and forth series, he convinced the owner that wasn’t the case.
Meanwhile, the barista was moved off Saturday morning to another schedule. Therefore, the owner said, the man would be welcomed back.
Fuck you, the man wrote back.
I wholly understood and agreed. That place would never be the same for him, and other coffee shops would probably be tainted for him as well.
Sad that it came to that. Made me wonder, as I sit in the coffee shop and people watch, what did that barista think she saw?
Michael Seidel, writer 
Hi Michael. It is the training people have had over decades. Ever notice that if you look at people most will advert their eyes, drop them or look away. People are being and have been trained to enforce a virtual pretend privacy in public that is in itself really silly. It is like the unwritten rule in men’s public bathrooms that no one sees anyone else there.
I tend to look at people. I look around, I look directly at people. If I notice someone looking at me, I look back, often giving a smile if warranted. I find that if people look away I simply give them their space, but if someone meets my gaze then they often have a story of life worth hearing. Or they are an asshole wanting to force their view of life on everyone else. Either way, interactions are grand and I do not drop my eyes when I see people looking at me. But one day it may get me into trouble as more of this pretend no one else is here mentality progresses. Humans are social creatures, so we need to honor what we are. I love your thought provoking posts. I do hope you don’t mind such long winded comments. Hugs. Scottie
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, yes, Scottie. It’s like you listened in on the conversation I had with my wife, as we ended up discussing social distancing. It was well before COVID when I read a paper about the social distance among different societies. Americans maintain a large distance from strangers, and rarely make eye contact or exchanged greetings. This is especially so in cities, where circumstances often deny people the chance to maintain the preferred American distance. I’m like you, looking around and engaging others — or trying to.
But as my spouse and I also discussed, women, POC, and many who are other than CIS are often leerier of strangers. Especially young women, who fear getting hit on and are too often the targets appropriate remarks, looks, and suggestions. And as you note, there are some assholes out there. We’re a species who remain a work in progress.
Thanks for the compliment about the blog. It’s sincerely appreciated. I don’t mind the long comments at all. You often provoke more thinking, and I can always use more thinking. It usually takes time for me to fully appreciate them and respond.
Hugs ‘n cheers, my friend. M
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi Michael. One more thought on this if I may. You have traveled. Have you noticed that in some countries the notion we have in queuing up in line for something is not honored in other countries? I honestly forget which country I was in but was waiting for a teller window to open when instead of a nice orderly line everyone just piled in, jockeying for the front spots, and it did not stop but everyone new kept trying to get to the front. I was shocked and left. To my mind that horrible behavior. When I asked people from there they really did not understand my issue with it. Oh well I should say each to their own … but what about the old or disabled? Do they just get shoved aside and it is OK? I never could accept that as a real standard in modern life. Of course that was the early 1980s, so the internet may have taken care of the problem. Hugs. Scottie
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hey Scottie. Mores and norms are absolutely different in many countries. Getting in line and waiting is one, yes, but also showing the bottom of your foot to another, whistling to get someone’s attention, how you wave, chewing gum, spitting, disciplining children…. It’s a complex world among humans,. Many countries had no problems with cats and dogs in restaurants and cafes, and that was fine with me. Hugs, M
LikeLiked by 1 person