I was on Zombie Watch the other day. Peeking out from behind the office blinds in my home, I was watching for Zombies. That’s why we call it Zombie Watch.
(Editing Note: Zombies and Zombie are both to be capitalized, per the Trump Administration. As Sean Spicer said in a presser regarding the Executive Order, “Hey, come on, where there’s that much smoke, there must be a fire. We had far less information about Russia interfering with the U.S. elections last year. You guys believed that, and there’s been far less information about that out there, out there on television. You guys ever watch iZombie? Come on, that stuff can’t be made up.”)
My cell phone was at hand to provide the world with high-quality video evidence should I see one. I was nervous, of course. From all I’ve seen on television, Zombies have very good hearing and eye-sight. They’re pretty good at sneaking up on you, too. And, where there’s one Zombie, a hoard is likely following, because Zombies are very social walking dead.
A start went through my heart as movement registered. A Zombie. On a bike. “There’s a Zombie on a bike,” I said, watching the Zombie’s laborious progress up the hill.
“I don’t think Zombies ride bikes,” my wife said.
“Are you sure?” I frowned. The cyclist disappeared. “They say you never forget how to ride a bike.”
“I don’t think they drive cars, either,” she answered.
“That’s not the same thing. Cars require more hand and eye coordination.” I didn’t know what I was talking about. “Plus, you need gas, and car keys, and you’d need to adjust the seat.”
“I suppose that’s true.”
“Although the way some of these people drive, they might as well be Zombies,” I said.
I continued my watch. I wasn’t certain if Zombies ride bikes or drive cars, but I’ll be damned if they’re going to take me by surprise. So, I’ll continue to assume that Zombies can be on bikes.
And I guess they might be able to drive cars.