I’m dissatisfied with where I’m at, and took some time to deconstruct how I came here.
All the choices and thoughts that delivered me to this point were mine or my partners. It wasn’t in a vacuum and outside influences were involved. Eventually I figured out that I’d had a vision. I created a path to achieving that vision, and I achieved the vision. The vision included several goals. All done.
My problem arose from not creating a new vision, new goals to support that vision, and new paths to those goals. I’d worked a long time to achieve my vision and forged solid paths to that end. But once I created a new vision, I didn’t create new paths. I stayed in the old paths. They were comfortable. They are comfortable.
The old paths became circular.
They became a tunnel.
And I couldn’t see my way out. I had a fresh vision and goals but I resisted changing my paths. No doubt, this was due to the solid, comfortable tunnel I’d built.
I knew and felt dissatisfaction on several levels but couldn’t comprehend how to proceed. After all, I was doing what I’d always done, and that had always worked. Yes, I understood that I was growing older. I understood my new vision.
The disenchantment grew. I resumed meditation. I knew I was frustrated and the frustration fed anger, resentment, impatience and hostility. I sought balance.
I achieved much better balance but the disenchantment remained. I resumed working on recording dreams. Meditation was done. Journals of thoughts and feelings were written. I’m a writer so I write. I realize now how much I write to understand what I’m thinking.
My understanding of myself expanded but I developed little insight into what else was needed. Extreme restlessness arose. Where do I go from here?
I began to see that I needed to break out. I tried small changes. I recently tried ‘opposite day’ and then attempted to so things differently to break up my routines. Walk different patterns on my walking routines. Play different music. Read different genres. In this, I addressed symptoms that were results of the issue but not the root causes.
Now I have a better idea of where I’m at and what I need.
Onward, one more time.