I didn’t realize this needed declared. My cats have always expressed their individuality without any encouragement. They just be.
Monday’s Bumper Sticker
Floofthopomorphic
Floofthopomorphic (catfinition) – ascribing feline qualities to non-felines.
In use: “He was a floofthopomorphic athlete on the field, astounding all with his quickness, but dismaying them with his ability to be distracted and his unwillingness to listen to others.”
Floofinjay
Floofinjay (catfinition) – a haughty, strutting cat.
In use: “While his rescued siblings retired to their mother’s side, the little tuxedo floofinjay went about the as though he was the new emperor.”
Floofsplain
Floofsplain (catfinition) – people’s habit of talking about their cats, regardless of others’ interest.
In use: “At work, he floofsplained everything that his cat had done the night before. People dared not laugh; laughter only urged more floofsplaining.”
Disaster Mind
Does an early morning telephone call kick a worried hiss into your mind, “Oh, no, what’s gone wrong? Who died?” Do you sit and think, if there’s a disaster here, how will we survive? Do you ever wonder if you left something on, such as the oven, after you departed the house, or if you closed the garage door, or locked the doors after leaving?
If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, you might be suffering from disaster mind.
Disaster mind is a chronic condition that afflicts millions of Americans. It can strike at any time. Recent studies conducted on the Internet estimate over ninety-nine percent of Americans suffer disaster mind. Although the middle-aged and elderly suffer disaster mind more often, students, professional athletes, sales managers, single people, married couples and parents are frequently prone to disaster mind.
Disaster mind affects more women then men, except during football season. Symptoms include worrying, anxiety, and eating comfort food to cope with worries. Extreme cases of disaster mind cause some people to drink more than one glass of wine or beer a night, complain, and wish for the “good old days.” People suffering from disaster mind tend to dawdle, read a great deal, and watch television and movies. Disaster mind sufferers often follow politics, and self-label as “political junkies.”
If you think you might be suffering from disaster mind, doctors suggest you try not to think about it. If that doesn’t work, indulge in wine or beer with pizza, followed by ice cream or pie, and lose yourself in a good book or movie. Chips with guacamole and cheesy foods also work well.
That’s what works for me.
Floof-gazing
Floof-gazing (catfinition) – a practice that involves contemplating cats that’s often accompanied by philosophical questions about what cats are doing or thinking, or why cats are engaged in an activity.
In use: “While floof-gazing, he observed one cat steal up on a sleeping feline, sniff the sleeping cat’s rear end, and then slink away.”
Floofsuetude
Floofsuetude (catfinition) – a cat with a quality of being gentle.
In use: “Though her green eyes blazed with feral fury, a floofsuetude without reservation, she never deigned to raise a paw against another.”
Imfloof Buying
Imfloof Buying (catfinition) – when a cat takes over unplanned control of your purchases.
In use: “My cat stepped on my Kindle Fire, and voila! I had a new thriller, courtesy of imfloof buying.”
h/t to Nancy Smith
Floofus Interruptus
Floofus Interruptus (catfinition) – a break in uniformity or continuity attributable to a cat’s behavior or intercession.
In use: “With floofus interruptus (a cat on the lap trying to rub against his hands), the planned typing required one hour vice ten minutes.”
