“How do you a bathroom open house?”
Silence answered, followed by gales of charming laughter.
So sweet.
Incatcerated
Incatcerated (catfinition) – confined, or closely restricted, by a cat.
In use: “The Maine coon cat was asleep against him on top of the duvet, incatcerating him against his will.”
Floofesis
Floofesis (catfinition) – a critical explanation of a cat’s behavior.
In use: “He had a startling gift for floofesis, watching cats and unpacking their behavior as though he was a cat himself.”
Mewguistics
Mewguistics (catfinition) – the study of cats’ meowing to understand what their meows mean.
In use: “Listening to Quinn’s running conversation and noting the many inflections the cat employed in his mews, Michael attempted to employ his mewguistics techniques of associating sound and behavior to understand what Quinn was saying, but the cat’s utterances were beyond his skill level.”
Floofgent
Floofgent (catfinition) – a cat with an expressive and especially plaintive quality.
In use: “We were awakened by beast requesting with a floofgent meow that they be fed now.”
Six Rules for Getting Along with Your Computer
- Remember that you wanted your computer. It didn’t want you.
- Shouting at your computer won’t make it do anything faster or better, but it might save you from insanity and keep you from taking more drastic action against your computer.
- Shaking a computer until parts come off tends to be counter-productive.
- A hammer to the computer might make you feel better, but the computer will probably complain.
- A computer connected to the web can probably find more curse words than you can find on your own. Use that to your advantage when cursing your computer.
- Remember that words have power. If you curse your computer, it might be taken seriously.
Floofish
Floofish (catfinition) – 1. awkwardly playful, and with a short attention span, like a kitten; 2. slang for catfish.
In use: “Joyful at graduating high school, the students became floofish, chasing one another and setting up ambushes.”
The Kiss Good-bye
Have you ever been sitting in your seat on an aircraft and drop something on the floor between your seat and the one in front of you? Man, the moves to pick it up would try a contortionist’s skills. If they ever tell me that we’re going down and I’d better bend over and kiss my ass good-bye, I’d need to decline. No way that I can bend over and kiss my ass in one of their seats. Nope, not going to happen. Somebody else will need to kiss it good-bye.
Catching Yourself
Ever catch yourself ranting and raving at others for their behavior, like their driving or the speed of their walk, as though they have full and absolute control over themselves, and realize that your ranting and raving is a demonstration of the small measure of control over yourself?
No? Is it just me, then?
Damn.
Michael Seidel, writer 