Tag: humor

Monday’s Theme Music

Good mornin’, from my perspective. Good day, good night good afternoon, whatever, from yours.

Monday here. Not talkin’, no not Monday talkin’. I mean that today is Monday. Monday doesn’t speak. Monday is sullen, sighing a lot amidst deep, multiple frowns, but not talkin’. Everyone blames Sunday for that because people on Sunday are often cursing Monday. “Oh, no, tomorrow’s Monday already.” Already, as if it’s a surprise, as if this doesn’t happen every week.

Eventually, those negative comments have added, and Monday’s down. Calendar bullying. It’s not pretty. Is there a bullying that is pretty? Of course, not.

You’d think, after this, that this song will be about Monday. It’s not. I was singing to a cat this morning. This revelation probably surprised you. You’re probably sayin’, “He sings to his cats. I’ve never heard of anyone singing to their cat.” I know. Unusual, right?

I was singing Taylor Swift’s song, “I Knew You Were Trouble” (2012) to ginger Papi. He was dancing and hopping all about, very full of himself, going up to the other bigger and older cats in a challenging manner.

Well, he went up to Boo, anyway. Challenges were discussed. I said some words ’bout the squirt gun. Papi backed away.

Papi considered Tucker but Tucker is all action, no words, so Papi didn’t get too close and only said one thing to Tucker. Tucker didn’t answer. Like I said…

Here’s the music. Happy friggin’ Monday. (Sorry, Monday.) I can do without the story-telling at the video’s beginning. Just wanted the music. It doesn’t start until about two minutes.

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Hibble

Hibble (floofinition) – term housepets use for the foods that people eat.

In use: “Hearing the plastic bag rustle in the other room, the cat and dog recognized that she was getting one of her favorite hibbles, corn chips, out, and prepared themselves to beg for a few themselves, as the salty snack was one of their favorite hibbles, too.”

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Profits and Losses

They count the money and measure the angles,

lamenting what must be done.

The cost is high, to keep people alive,

and keep profits a tidy sum.

“What can we do, it’s the America way,

“that made us what we are today.

“Blame the old and dying, the sick, injured and ill,

“for not making enough money

“to pay their bill.”

 

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Floofonics

Floofonics (floofinition) – the study of housepet language and syntax.

In use: “His cats started talking to him more as they lived with him, and he developed floofonics, a science of listening to the nuances of their meows. It especially satisfied him to hear the cats talking to him about being fed. They began with sharp, loud meows that continued until he started to deliver their bowls to them. Their voices changed then, the volume dropping as the strident meows changed to mewmuring.”

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Mewmuring

Mewmuring (catfinition) – a soft, satisfied meow t often incorporates a trill or a purr, generally associated with a happy, contented cat and frequently heard just before a cat begins eating.

In use: “Sweet mewmuring replaced the kittens’ strident meowing demands, and then the sounds of eating wet food replaced the mewmuring.”

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Floofmance

Floofmance (floofinition) – a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love for a pet or animal.

In use: “Although the dog weighed over a hundred pounds, he continued to get onto the man’s lap for a few minutes everyday to get and give love, continuing the floofmance begun when the puppy was found a starving one pound furball.”

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Aquafloof

Aquafloof (floofinition) – a housepet who enjoys water. Note: feline and canine aquafloofs are respectively commonly called aquacats and aquadogs.

In use: “Wherever, whenever water was turned on, the dog, born from a liaison between a beagle and a collie, galloped in. If he wasn’t restrained, he leaped into the water – bath, lawn sprinklers, whatever. The aquafloof could never get enough of water.”

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Floof-quest

Floof-quest (floofinition) – the effort to find a housepet, whether as an addition to the home or because it’s missing; a housepet’s effort to find something or someone.

In use: “A floof-quest was begun because they couldn’t find the cat, but several suspected the cat had gone on a spiritual floof-quest around the neighborhood, and would return home when it was completed.”

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Affloofuent

Affloofuent (floofinition) – to have a wealth of housepets.

In use: “With five dogs, seven cats, several aquariums, birds, turtles, lizards, horses, sheep, and goats, the Barnes children considered themselves affloofuent.”

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Compufloof

Compufloof (floofinition) – housepet who is attracted to computers and other technological devices.

In use: “No laptop, iPhone, or smart phone could be set down and left unattended. As soon as they were, one of the resident compufloofs was on it. Even television, entertainment center, and DVR remotes were bait for their Golden Retriever. That compufloof had once collected them all, hiding them in a closet corner.”

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