Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Floofogenesis (floofinition) – the development and strengthening of housepets between one another, with their or both.
In use: “A rescue from a bad situation, the German Shepherd often hid and growled in the early day. Through a long, patient floofogenesis, the dog came to trust her. She silently cried the first time he came into her bedroom, jumped on the bed and settled down to sleep beside her as she read.”
I don’t know what’s going on with Winter. He’s just not the same. I worried for several weeks that he was sick or injured because I saw so little of him.
Then, suddenly, here he was again, acting sooo crazy, to employ a retro-phrase. He was randomly tossing snow around, piling it up on one mountain and ignoring the rest. Sometimes it snowed when the sun was out. He seemed to be mocking forecasts. If they called for heavy snow, he gave us light rain. When no snow was forecast, he dumped a bucket on us. Everyone was asking, “WTF, Winter? What’s wrong with you?”
I’m beginning to suspect that Winter’s been replaced, and that we’re seeing a new Winter impart. I wonder about who took the job. Since Winter has always been an old white man, have they decided to modernize and replace him with a woman? They could have also decided to stay with a male but surrendered to the youth movement, because, you know, demographics. Maybe they decided to break out complete and replace old man Winter with a young, black woman.
The other part of this speculation is whether one Winter is responsible for the entire world, or has Winter been reorganized, with a Winter assigned to countries or geographical areas.
I don’t know. It could be those things or something else that I haven’t thought of. All I know is that old man Winter doesn’t seem like the guy I used to know.
Floofpository (floofinition) – a place where items for housepets are stored; the location housepets use to store their trophies, hide their treasures, or conduct private business; (slang) a kitty-litter box, also called a shitpository.
In use: “Although several utility room shelves were employed as a floofpository for cat and dog food and baskets of toys for each, the dog had a habit of stealing socks and stashing them in the office, making it a sock floofpository, and the cat always puked in the bedroom corner, turning it into a hairball floofpository.”
Floofverture (floofinition) – an approach by an animal, typically a housepet, for assistance.
In use: “Many unhomed canine mothers made floofvertures to people they could trust to help them with their puppies.”
So you know that they’ve come out with Genius Coffee. It’s about time, innit? But, I hasten to inquire, where is our genius booze? I’d like to walk into my fav beverage hangout and ask for a Genius IPA.
Wouldn’t it be excellent if McDonald’s and Wendy’s began selling genius milkshakes? (Picture those television commercials.) Have a Genius Coke with your Jack? Prefer a Genius Red Bull? No doubt we’d need to have genius wine, vodka, tequila, to be fair, along with genius water, for those who don’t partake.
Maybe, then, if all these genius beverages work, we can make progress on what humanity is doing to each other and the rest of the world. Doubts force me to say, probably not. More likely, some will declare, “I don’t trust geniuses, so why should I swallow a genius drink?”
I don’t blame them. I’d be dubious of genius drinks. God knows what I’d learn about myself that I’ve worked so hard to hide.
Did you ever think about what it might be like to actually melt away?
Would you melt all over simultaneously, or start on the outside? Do you begin melting at some specific body part, like your heart? Perhaps your brain starts melting first, giving the signal for the rest to proceed to melt, like the green flag at a car race.
Maybe you start melting from the bottom, growing shorter as your feet melt in a pool below your ankles, causing your pants’ hems to drag along the ground, lowering your inseams by several inches. It starts with your toes, soles, and heel, and then you melt up through your legs. The ankles melt, followed by your shin and your calves. Then your knees droop and dribble away. Next are your thighs, pursued by your butt, hips, and your pelvis.
Everything is melting from your bone marrow out. Soon, you’re just a torso in a pool of your liquid self, a being whose head looks too big, with arms that are two long. Then your abdomen and back joins the melting. Eventually, all that remains is your head on your neck, sticking up from the ground like a flower blooming toward the sun.
Heftyfloof (floofinition) – a pet which is large boned or has a thick, fluffy coat of fur, giving it an appearance of being larger that it is.
In use: “He was a heftyfloof, with a silver and gray coat that radiated out, but underneath that coat was a very slender boy.”
Evanfloofical (floofinition) – of or according to the teachings of the animals.
In use: “Following the evanfloofical faith, he soon learned about being patient, compassionate, and giving while interacting with his pets.”
Eflooflitarianism (floofinition) – the doctrine that all animals are equal and deserve equal rights and opportunities.
In use: “Eflooflitarianism was rampant in the Thresher household. All found animals were treated and protected, including an injured sewer rat. They planned to foster these animals and find them homes or return them to their natural habitats, but instead extended their house with pet condos to house all of their friends.”
Catansy (catfinition) – a cat’s faculty or activity of imagining things, especially things that are impossible or improbable.
In use: “Michael used to think that Papi avoided the door mats because of his eyesight. Then he began suspecting that the cat had a catansy that the doormats were lava pits or some other threat that must be circumvented. Lately, though, Papi’s behavior changed Michael’s thinking, and he started wondering if Papi avoided the mats because they were quantum traps.”
Michael Seidel, writer 