Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Leaning back, he let loose with one drop, shifted to the other eye and let drop again, as he’d done every day for decades.
After a moment, he realized he’d dropped both into his mouth, and laughed. How silly he was getting as he got older.
It wasn’t so funny the next time he did it.
But the third time…well, the third time, it wasn’t even noticed.
Floofclectic (floofinition) – a housepet with unusual markings.
In use: “He called her Heinz because the sweet, floofclectic feline appeared, in his words, to be half-Siamese, half-Maine Coon, with a black short-hair tabby tail, some calico and European blotched tabby markings in her hips, and big ginger paws. Her eyes were almond-shaped sapphires, her meow was a strident grunt, and her purr was a drowning gurgle, but, damn, she was smart.”
You ever see a cat or dog that you don’t know staring at you like, “I know him. Where do I know him from?”
I tell them, maybe you met my doppelganger in another dimension, or we know each other from a past life.
They’re always like, “Yeah. Maybe.”
But they always look like they’re suspicious, like I’m trying to hide something from them.
As if.
Floofception (floofinition) – the act of deceiving a housepet; the act of causing a housepet to accept as true or valid what is false or invalid.
In use: “Floofception is offered required when dealing with houspets. For example, to draw his cats out of hiding, David often shook the kibble box, leading the cats to believe they were about to be fed.”
Lafloofchezia (floofinition) – The use of vulgar or foul language with a housepet to relieve stress or pain.
In use: “The cat was sprawled on its back on the floor, its silky belly exposed to the sun. Naturally, Cheryl thought it was safe to give the cat a tummy rub. A split second later, the cat had scratched her arm and hand, and she was sitting back, delivering lafloofchezia.”
He had no sense of direction, she noticed, but then she observed other oddities. When he entered a room, if the door was closed on his arrival, he left it open. If the light was off, he turned it on and left it on, and if it was on, he turned it off.
As she realized these things, she also saw that he was always confused about which pull to use on the up/down blinds, lowering them when he meant to raise them, exclaiming, “I don’t know why I can’t remember which one of these to use. I’m always doing this.” Of course you are, she thought without telling him. When she asked him to look right, he looked left, and when he was told to turn right, he often began turning left. Sometimes, she heard him tell something that he’d said as something that she’d said, insisting that the false memory was true.
With these traits piling up, it didn’t surprise her to realize that he always thought that lies were the truth, and that truths were lies. It was, she decided, that he lived in a mirrored world. With that observation, she understood him much better, and could use words to get her way.
And she lived happily ever after…
Purrveyor (catfinition) – a cat who will purr as soon as they see their human companion(s).
In use: “From the very beginning of her time with them, the tiny rescued tabby was a purrveyor, purring loudly as she ran to them to greet them.”
Conflooferacy (floofinition) – a league or alliance between housepets for some purpose.
In use: “Recognizing one another’s skill sets and how they could help one another, the cats and dogs established a conflooferacy. For example, a cat could jump up, hang from the door handle and turn it while a dog pushed the door open, allowing them all to escape as the bird stood lookout and called out warnings.”
Don’t knowboutchu, but I don’t look free pizza in the mouth. Mostly ‘cuz I’ve never been able to find the pizza’s mouth.
Obfloofurate (floofinition) – a housepet who is stubbornly persistent in wrongdoing.
In use: “Although he moved the doughnuts and sprayed Crystal with water to dissuade her, the little Bombay Black with golden eyes and velvet fur was an obfloofurate miscreant, constantly stealing and eating his mini powdered-sugar doughnuts.”
Michael Seidel, writer 