Saturday’s Bumper Sticker
Purflooftory
Purflooftory (floofinition) – the period of waiting for word on a missing fur friend or the outcome of their medical procedure.
In use: “The day was a waste. He’d descended into puflooftory, piddling around to smother time until the vet called and told him, “The operation was a success. Camryn is awake. You can come and get him.””
Floofbrarian
Floofbrarian (floofinition) – an animal who resides in a library.
In use: “Harriet, a Brooklyn Art Library floofbrarian, is a great help to all who enter the library.”
h/t to ForwardDog.com and The Sketchbook Project for Harriet’s photograph.
Floofsider
Floofsider (floofinition) – a housepet companion who remains reliably by another’s side;
In use: “Jade was a floofsider. To adjust to that with her pregnancy, Barb set up a birthing station for Jade and remained beside her while the cat purred and gave birth to three mini-Jades. As soon as the three kittens were large enough to walk, they became floofsiders, too, following mama and creating a little flooftrain as they followed Barb around the house. It was sweet and frustrating; Barb had to constantly watch where she stepped as the little furfloofs played around her feet.”
Roll-On
Showered, Briyen applied his Shaving roll-on and considered the next roll-ons as nanos removed his beard. Moving roll-on sticks like chess pieces, he set Youth and Charm up front but equivocated over his skin color. His natural color was an unflattering Flesh White, according to the consultants. He’d been Black once this week and Ebony twice. None of the Rainbow offerings appealed to him. His eyes roved over Teak, Latina, Hispanic, and Southern Europe, but his mind didn’t latch onto any until he saw SoCal Tan. That would work.
The Shaving done and enough time passed, he immediately put on Youth. A full body roll, that would would take longer to process. Sliding the Charm forward, he pondered Courage, Creativity, Confidence, and Imagination, and then decided, screw it, why not? He’d put them all on. It was dangerous because he was applying…one, two, three…five…eight?
Eight. Shit. Last two times he’d applied eight roll-ons, he’d suffered the aptly-labeled crash, complete with scaly plaque psoriasis and an all-conquering headache. He’d been forced to apply the First Aid roll-on all friggin’ night. The next day had been endured without roll-ons. His hideous reflection had to be avoided. He’d been ravenous but mostly fasted, fearing side-effects. Naturally, he’d stayed inside and off cameras.
Not wanting to take those paths again, he put Courage and Imagination back. Six roll-ons would be good enough because even seven sometimes made him queasy, especially when it was supposed to be hot, as it was today, which meant, shit…he also needed Sun Protection & Cooling. Grimacing, he pulled the SP&C roll-on out and pushed the SoCal back. No tan today.
The Youth had already completed its work. Sagging and wrinkles were vanquished. His skin was tight, and his hair was fuller, thicker, and darker. Damn, he looked good. Humming, he finished up with the other roll-ons and set his timer for ten minutes. Couldn’t dress until enough time had been permitted – shit, didn’t wan to do that again, chuckling with rueful memory of how he turned out when he put clothes on too soon after the roll-ons. Never again, right? Right.
Finally, he was dressed and ready to roll. He took a few seconds to admire himself in the mirror and agreed with his private assessment that he looked damn fine for one hundred twenty-two years old. Hell, he didn’t look a day over twenty-two.
After favoring himself with a final approving grin, he headed for the door. Time to go write like crazy, at least one more time.
Haifloof #28
Stillness, sunshine, stretch
A tail flicks, an ear twitches
A paw shifts, stillness
Four P’s
Peaked mountains of clouds
Peeked over green and brown peaks
Piquing my concerns
Floof Row
Floof Row (floofinition) – part of a property or in a house frequented by lounging animals, particularly housepets.
In use: “The cats, dogs, kittens, and puppies made the guest room floof row, resigning Carrie to anticipation of a big clean once the foster animals were adopted.”
Floofmiliar
Floofmiliar (floofinition) – 1. A housepet who is a close friend or associate to the people living in the house. 2 Housepets who are friends with one another. 3. A demon in the form of a housepet supposedly attending and obeying a witch.
In use: “Her miniature Collies were more than pets or friends, especially Gin-gin. Gin-gin was her floofmiliar, attending every mood and acting as a confidant. Gin-gin was trustworthy and dependable, and never told anyone the secrets that she knew.”
Michael Seidel, writer 