Saturday’s Bumper Sticker
Firmafloof
Firmafloof (floofinition) – The areas that hold animals’ attention, particularly housepets.
In use: “The dog never seemed to look up at the sky on their walks, keeping his nose to the ground, which was his firmafloof. That was one eighty to the cats back home, whose firmafloof was the sky filled with sparrows and wrens, butterflies and hummingbirds.”
Floofment
Floofment (floofinition) – Window sill, ledge, location, or casement where animals like to rest and watch the world.
In use: “Each new resident animal discovered the delights of settling on the back of Evan’s sofa in front of the living room bay window. It was the perfect floofment to watch squirrels, birds, people, and other animals going by.”
Floofmuda Triangle
Floofmuda Triangle (floofinition) – A triangular area created by three animals into which things seem to mysteriously disappear.
In use: “She sat down in her recliner to enjoy a snack and some Netflix. The dog and two cats immediately formed a floofmuda triangle. Anything dropped was going to disappear fast.”
Floofkeeping
Floofkeeping (floofinition) – 1. The occupation of owning and breeding animals. 2. The occupation of a floofkeeper.
In use: “Many people disliked floofkeepers, as breeding conditions led to deplorable puppy mills and too many kittens in cages desperate for homes.”
Floofway
Floofway (floofinition) – 1. The manner in which an animal goes above doing something. 2. A corridor, hallway, path, or structure dedicated to helping animals safely travel.
In use: “The dog’s floofway required him to go out at dawn’s break regardless of the season, do his business in the backyard, and then find something to bring in as a gift to his people. Sometimes, it was a flower, leaf, or toy, but he’d also brought in towels, balls, sandals, and shoes.”
Floofberry
Floofberry (floofinition) (slang) 1. A piece of animal feces found on the floor in the house or dangling from a pet’s rear end. 2. Any type of drupe or berry contaminated by animal fur. 3. Sometimes used in jest to describe any food item covered in animal fur.
In use: “The child dropped his chocolate bonbon onto the carpet. The dogs and cat lunged for it but the mother used her mom-speed to beat them to it. Picking the chocolate up, she confirmed that it was an inedible floofberry now and tossed it into the trash.”
Sumo Floof
Sumo Floof (floofinition) – A large animal (for its species and kind) that enjoys wrestling.
In use: “Sir Bob, the Maine Coon, was a natural sumo floof, taking on the dogs, humans, and other cats with gusto, but never letting it get violent or bloody.”
Ballyfloof
Ballyfloof (floofinition) – A pet or animal’s extravagant publicity or fuss.
In use: “With the cat’s ballyfloof when he came in setting up everyone’s expectations for something amazing, the gift that he delivered turned out to be a red maple leaf.”
Michael Seidel, writer 