Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Floofeks (floofinition) – Race of mutant animals who are bent on destruction.
In use: “The puppy appeared quite normal, but within a few days, he’d destroyed a chair cushion, rolls of toilet paper, and shoes, revealing himself as a floofek. One could almost imagine hearing him repeat, “Destroy, destroy, destroy,” in a brainwashed monotone as he tore through the house.”
Floofsics (floofinition) – A branch of science that deals with matter and energy and their interactions with animals.
In use: “While humans observe physics, animals observe floofsics, often demonstrating that they don’t respond to the forces of nature, such as gravity, as humans do.”
photo courtesy of Facebook/Life with Cats
head feels like lead
you’re stuck in bed
blame it on the snow
blame it on the snow
you’re feeling low
and have nowhere to go
blame it on the snow
blame it on the snow
life is passing you by
counting days until you die
blame it on the snow
blame it on the snow
stuffing your face
with cheese and cake
blame it on the snow
blame it on the snow
can’t get to work
pet’s acting like a jerk
blame it on the snow
blame it on the snow
nothing’s on tv
not live or on the stream
blame it on the snow
blame it on the snow
can’t find a mate
being alone is your fate
blame it on the snow
blame it on the snow
you can’t tell a lie
you ate too much pie
blame it on the snow
blame it on the snow
it’s a day without sun
now you’ve got the runs
blame it on the snow
blame it on the snow
blame it on the snow
Floofnival (floofinition) – A period of revelry animals conduct at a regular time each year, typically involving processions, music, dancing, and the use of floofquerade.
In use: “Most housepets attempted to attend at least one floofnival a year, with most aspiring to reach Floof Henge for floofstice.”
Hellfloof (floofinition) – Animal who causes a great deal of mischief.
In use: “Many kittens and puppies seem like hellfloof but grow out of it as their personality emerges. Some, though, cultivate a gleam in their eye, and seem to search and find new and unusual trouble.”
nothing seemed to motivate me
I did nothing special
ate nothing special
and got next to nothing done
except to write this
which is really nothing
happy National Nothing Day
2020
It’s time. I didn’t want to face it, putting the reasonable off, but finally acquiescing to what needed to be done: I was replacing my Tilley hat.
I’ve had it for a number of years. Like a good companion, it’s with me all the time. I wear it all the time when walking and about ninety-five percent of the time when I’m outdoors.
It shows; the color has faded. Five inch horizontal rips gap along the crown’s front, nicely complimenting the small two inch vertical tears. I’ve taped them together.
The Tilley comes with a Guarantee-for-Life replacement policy. I went to their website and filled out the form. They responded within a few days.
Hello,
Thank you for submitting your request. We would be happy to help you with your Guaranteed for Life claim.
We do require some additional information to determine the eligibility of your item. Please reply to this email with 3 photos (.jpeg preferred as small a file as possible) of the following:
Once we receive these photos from you, we will review them and determine the eligibility of your item. You will receive an email from us within 2 business days with your next steps.
That was done. A few more days passed.
Then came their answer.
Thank you for submitting your photos. We have assessed your item and agree that it qualifies for the Guaranteed for Life Policy.
Your Guarantee Identification Number is RMA#G00665
Good news! You no longer have to return your item to us in order to get a replacement!
In order to complete your request, we require the following information:
Once we have received your photos and credit card information, you order will then be processed. Please allow up to 2 weeks for your replacement hat to be shipped. We will email you once your order has shipped.
Destroy my hat? Shudders swept me as I read these words. Yet…yet…the time had arrived. The Tilley was failing. I needed a new hat.
So I took the Tilley for a final walk in the snow. After he dried out, the cats gathered. I played taps on Youtube, cut off the crown, and took the ghastly pictures.
The deed is done. Now I await my new hat.
Toilet-floof (floofinition) – Animal drawn toward toilets in a home, particularly when a human is using them.
In use: “Without fail, whenever Michael sat on the can, day or night, a toilet-floof appeared to verify what he was doing and try to get on his lap.”
Crumbs populated his keyboard, slipping between the keys, forcing him to ponder, what did I eat and when did I eat it?
That made him hungry. He attempted to pick some crumbs up for closer examination, and perhaps to taste — just for investigative reasons, of course (that one looked like it may have come off a chocolate-chip cookie) (when did he eat a chocolate chip cookie?) -but the crumbs fled his efforts like kittens scattering at a noise, undermining his investigative process.
It did promote a greater appetite (if he trusted the messages that his stomach was issuing). Nothing healthy was offered for sale here, and he didn’t want to leave to eat somewhere else. Therefore, his logic forced him into a less healthy choice, which turned out to be a raspberry scone.
It was just a one-time deal, he told himself, so it would do no lasting harm.
He blamed it on the crumbs.
Avante-floof (floofinition) – The advance animals of a group.
In use: “Among the six Dutch shepherd puppies, two females, Eureka and Electra, were the avante-floof, coming out first to see what was going on or who had arrived.”
