The Madness

Yeah, here we go, a first-world rant.

I’m in ‘my’ coffee shop this morning. It’s about fifty degrees and sunny outside. In here, they have the air-conditioning running. Whaaat? But worse, they’re playing Christmas lullabies. You know what I mean. A Christmas lullaby is one of those old chestnuts being played at a slooow, mellooow speeed, so slow that the singer sounds like they’re on the verge of going to sleep themselves.

I think, the madness, technology, calendar, holidays, and expectations clashing. Oh, the horror, the horror.

Remember, only two million years till Christmas. Make it count.

November 17, 2019 4

Saturday’s Bumper Sticker

November 16, 2019 0

Firmafloof

Firmafloof (floofinition) – The areas that hold animals’ attention, particularly housepets.

In use: “The dog never seemed to look up at the sky on their walks, keeping his nose to the ground, which was his firmafloof. That was one eighty to the cats back home, whose firmafloof was the sky filled with sparrows and wrens, butterflies and hummingbirds.”

November 16, 2019 0

Floofment

Floofment (floofinition) – Window sill, ledge, location, or casement where animals like to rest and watch the world.

In use: “Each new resident animal discovered the delights of settling on the back of Evan’s sofa in front of the living room bay window. It was the perfect floofment to watch squirrels, birds, people, and other animals going by.”

November 15, 2019 0

Floofmuda Triangle

Floofmuda Triangle (floofinition) – A triangular area created by three animals into which things seem to mysteriously disappear.

In use: “She sat down in her recliner to enjoy a snack and some Netflix. The dog and two cats immediately formed a floofmuda triangle. Anything dropped was going to disappear fast.”

November 14, 2019 3

Floofkeeping

Floofkeeping (floofinition) – 1. The occupation of owning and breeding animals. 2. The occupation of a floofkeeper.

In use: “Many people disliked floofkeepers, as breeding conditions led to deplorable puppy mills and too many kittens in cages desperate for homes.”

November 14, 2019 1

Floofway

Floofway (floofinition) – 1. The manner in which an animal goes above doing something. 2. A corridor, hallway, path, or structure dedicated to helping animals safely travel.

In use: “The dog’s floofway required him to go out at dawn’s break regardless of the season, do his business in the backyard, and then find something to bring in as a gift to his people. Sometimes, it was a flower, leaf, or toy, but he’d also brought in towels, balls, sandals, and shoes.”

November 13, 2019 4

Floofberry

Floofberry (floofinition) (slang) 1. A piece of animal feces found on the floor in the house or dangling from a pet’s rear end. 2. Any type of drupe or berry contaminated by animal fur. 3. Sometimes used in jest to describe any food item covered in animal fur.

In use: “The child dropped his chocolate bonbon onto the carpet. The dogs and cat lunged for it but the mother used her mom-speed to beat them to it. Picking the chocolate up, she confirmed that it was an inedible floofberry now and tossed it into the trash.”

November 12, 2019 2

Monday’s Bumper Sticker

November 11, 2019 4

Sumo Floof

Sumo Floof (floofinition) – A large animal (for its species and kind) that enjoys wrestling.

In use: “Sir Bob, the Maine Coon, was a natural sumo floof, taking on the dogs, humans, and other cats with gusto, but never letting it get violent or bloody.”