Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
He finished reading an article on a Tampa Bay news site. At the end of the article was something he’d never before seen: a button to report typos.
Impressed, he nodded. Many sites would benefit from such a button. They could also use a button to report grammar and punctuation errors.
Hell, his own modest site would do with those buttons.
Execflooftive (floofinition) – Animal is who part of management or shares in the decision-making process.”
In use: “Quite often, people will include their pets in their decision making, asking the animals, ‘What do you think I should do’, for example. But that often leads to the animals assuming they have execflooftive privileges to eat what they want, sleep wherever desired, and do whatever impulse seizes them.”
Helifloof (floofinition) – An animal, particularly a pet, who pays close attention to another being, often a human.
In use: “The rescued puppy gained energy after a few days of care, showing a curious and playful nature while developing into a helifloof who was there for everything from people’s bathing to their eating and sleeping.”
*throat is cleared*
He has a small, really tiny rant today. Websites like to entice him with a headline. While he reads that article, a video plays about the same article. Then, though, another video about a different article begins.
Seriously, WTF? It’s chaotic and annoying. They must think we’re children, running around, high on sugar and caffeine, too buzzy to pay attention.
He has the bug. It overtook him without warning and is as insistent and annoying as a mosquito visiting his ear canal. Acknowledging what must be done, he goes into his closet and begins pulling out clothes and trying them on. Yes, they’re his clothes, and not his wife’s – not that there’s anything wrong with that. Just a point of order.
First to be tried on is the flight suit that he last wore over thirty years ago. Does not fit, he finds. Hell, it can’t ever be tugged over his shoulders without his spouse’s help. It’s surprising how much it’s shrunk since he last put it on. He keeps his Air Force service dress uniform out of nostalgia, even though it also shrank.
Business suits are next. He formerly wore a lot of them during his time in marketing but hasn’t put one on for almost twenty years. They have also shrunk. He makes a mental note to google why some closets make clothes shrink. Maybe it’s the way he’s storing them or something. Jeans, pants, and shirts are pulled out, tested, and put into neat piles. In an hour, he’s collected three towers of clothes which have shrunk. He’ll donate them to charities.
The shrinking worries him, though. Maybe he should move his other clothes somewhere else before they shrink.
Yes, maybe, he decides.
Maybe.
Floofdunnit (floofinition) – An investigative effort to uncover what animal was behind an act.
In use: “Many pet owners with more than one floof will experience classic floofdunnits such as which creature stole their food, knocked over the trashcan, tore up a plant, or redistributed a cushion’s contents.”
The organized chaos of commercial air travel reminded him of several things. Number one, always read the fine print. When he bought his ticket, he also bought a seat for a few extra dollars, reasoning, he’d never seen anyone standing up for an entire flight. What he didn’t see anywhere in the seat description was that the seat he selected didn’t recline. He found that out the day before, when he reviewed his flight details.
Naturally, he entertained getting a seat for the five plus hour flight. Several were available for an extra $130. Being one that often spites himself to prove a point, he refused to buy one.
He was sure, though, someday the airlines would figure out a way to start charging for air.
Floofclamation (floofinition) – 1. An animal’s takeover of a place, activity, item, or food.
In use: “Loudly growling, the tiny kitten made the floofclamation that the chicken leg was hers.”
2. Orders given to an animal.
In use: “Helplessly and, she felt, hopelessly, Kerin told her dog not to jump over their six-foot privacy fence, but as soon he was released, he leaped over the fence and then back, as if telling her what she could do with her floofclamation.”
Floofrise (floofinition) – Moment when animals get up to do things and tries to get others up.
In use: “Many people who live with cats find that floofrise will usually take place at three or four in the morning, while they’re trying to pursue deep sleep. Unfortunately for them, stopping floofrise is as difficult as stopping sunrise.”
Michael Seidel, writer 