Tag: humor

Interfloofar

Interfloofar (floofinition) Located, taking place, or traveling among floofs by using another floof as a target position to telefloofnetically move.

In use: “Skinny, a small buff tabby, met a dog, Borsch, who introduced her to interfloofar travel. After realizing that time was different on other worlds, Skinny went off on regular adventures, frustrating her people, who were left to walk around, looking for her and calling her name, wondering where Skinny could now be. Little did they ever know, she was literally on another world.”

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A Super Bowl Dream

A short and mildly innocuous dream was last night’s feature offering to me. In my early thirties, over thirty years less than RL, I walked around with a small group of people. We were all chatting and having a good time. I don’t know who else was in that little crowd but all were known to me in the dream. We were talking about going to the Super Bowl because we had tickets and arrangements had been made. My dream self had been to several past Super Bowls, but I also seemed to be some kind of SB savant. People would ask who played in what SB and I would answer with the year, teams, and final score, along with any special facts that arose out of the game, like records being set or amazing plays.

Encountering others who said they’d been to Super Bowls, I’d ask them about their experiences. Among these were several young couples. After talking about them and wowing them with my knowledge of the games they’d attended, one of the guys, grinning, said, “Wow, you’re like a super man.” We all laughed.

Dream end.

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Constaflooftion

Constaflooftion (floofinition) – An assembly of floofs sharing characteristics or traits.

In use: “She hadn’t intended to do it, but she ended up with a ginger constaflooftion with two adult rescue dogs, one rescue cat, and three foster kittens. Seeing the ginger characters pile together to play and nap always prompted her to smile in pleasure.”

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The Game

I never liked you, the cat said with a smile.

I was trying to kill you when I slept on your head.

It wasn’t by coincidence that I tripped you again and again.

Nor were those love bites like you always said.

And the claws weren’t a whim when I scratched till you bled.

And if you believe that, you’ll believe this, too.

I never liked the kibble or any of the other food.

Your treats made me sick though I begged for more.

I didn’t like the tuna which you gave off a spoon.

It was all faked when chicken made me swoon.

And if you believe that, you’ll believe this, too.

I’m a cat and I like games.

I get bored and the days are too much the same.

So I do what I can to keep myself entertained.

Because I’m a cat and this was just another game.

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Nepflooftism

Nepflooftism (floofinition) – Favoritism given to one floof over others.

In use: “Although cats, dogs, and pig shared Shari’s domicile, her nepflooftism kept her Cockatoo a happy bird.”

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Thursday’s Wandering Thought

His eyebrows had transmorgified once more. As a youth, he had pleasant eyebrows — two clean, mildly arched lines populated with fine, neat hairs. Later, his eyebrow hairs thickened and a unibrow developed. He didn’t much mind the unibrow because he was often favorably compared to another unibrower, actor Tom Selleck, a flattering comparison. His forties found his unibrow’s center fading. Meanwhile, thicker brows appeared. A wild bramble of hairs took over. Suddenly the comparisons shifted from Selleck to the Soviet leader, Brezhnev, or television commentator Andy Rooney.

Those brows faded and changed, too. Now his brows had taken on another actor’s look, developing a Sam Waterston flip, where the eyebrows darkened and thickened again, but pointed up.

Like his eyebrows had their own life and pursued their own style. He wondered what they were going to do next.

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Tuesday’s Wandering Thought

The differences between them are growing after almost half of a century being together.

The Jack Spratt nursery rhyme goes, “Jack Spratt could eat no fat. His wife could eat no lean. And so between the two of them, they licked the platter clean.”

It feels to him like they’re living in a modern version of that, with heat substituted for food. She needs the high heat. He’s fine barefoot and in a light sweater, the heat at 66 F. They put the heater on for her even as she dons more and more layers of clothes, and he strips down.

It’s like, “Mike S doesn’t feel the cold, his wife could feel no heating. And so between the two of them, he sweats as she is freezing.”

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