Tag: humor

Groundhog Day’s Theme Music

A one and a two.

Today is Groundhog Day in ‘Merica, which makes it Feb 2. It’s 2023, and Thursday.

Bright sunshine warming the house and beaming the windows bolstered my spirits. Flipping to another piece of weather script, winds shout and moan like football fans when there’s an interception. Current temp is 47 F but it feels like 43, with the sun and air lifting us up to 53 F later, which will probably feel like something else. 7:23 AM witnessed the sun’s breakthrough moment over Ashlandia. It’ll be 5:27 PM when the Earth’s action takes our sunshine away.

The Neurons are singing “My Baby Loves Lovin'” in the morning mental music stream. The pop hit hit when I was feeding the cats their kibble and sang, “My kitties love kibble,” as they chowed through the morning offering.

Looking up this song was required. I had a scant idea that it was released probably around 1970 but no idea who released it. Fortunately I have access to this thing called the web. It managed to produce facts that the song was released in 1970 by a Brit band called White Plains. Disagreement surrounds the lead vocalist. Was it Tony Burrow? I didn’t know the man’s name, but there are claims that he was lead vocalist for five different bands who had one number one song each. I’d never heard of this before. Besides this song, there were “Love Grows (Where My Rosemary Goes)” by Edison Lighthouse in 1970; “Gimme Dat Ding” (1970) by the Pipkins; “Beach Baby” by the First Class, another 1970 hit; and “United We Stand” by the Brotherhood of Man, 1970. However, some of Burrow’s claims about his participation is doubted and seems exaggerated. He might be the George Santos of 1970 pop.

Coffee has touched down at my side. One cat is hovering close, reporting back to Floof HQ about my activities. The other has braved the wind for a secret meeting. Stay positive. Here’s the hit. Cheers

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Tuesday’s Wandering Thought

“Listen,” he said. “I need to eat now. See, I need to take of myself so I can take care of you. Who will take care of you if I’m not here?”

The cat meowed back.

He wasn’t sure if his message was received.

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Fabfloofist

Fabfloofist (floofinition) – 1. Someone who makes up stories about animals.

In use: “Sarah was just three years old, but she was already a fabfloofist, regaling her relatives with adventure tales featuring the family’s cat and dog.”

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Floof Over Matter

Floof Over Matter (Often abbreviated as FOM or F.O.M.) (floofinition) 1. Ad hoc policy that a household or organization’s care of animals is paramount.

In use: “He planned to make some changes in the house, but they were immediately terminated because of F.O.M., as his wife said, ‘You can’t do that. It’ll upset the cats and dogs.’ He could have argued that, but they’d been married over a quarter of a century. He understood floof over matter. It was only the floofs and their health and happiness who mattered most.”

2. Magic talents used by animals to make the impossible appear to happen.

In use: “She never understood how her cat got into the places which seemed impossible. Then she read a blog post about F.O.M. — Floof Over Matter — and began to understand that animals had powers which were beyond human comprehension.”

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Sunday’s Wandering Thought

My cat, Tucker, has developed a method of meowing without opening his mouth. Lately, the sound coming out sometimes sounds like he’s saying my name, “Michael. Michael.” Today, after I put food into his bowl, it sounded like he said, “Thank you.”

I’m awaiting further developments.

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R.F.M.

R.F.M. – Rapid Floof Movement (Floofinition) – Unexpected fast motion done by animals, often without a cause which humans readily comprehend.

In use: “As one, the sleeping floofs raised their heads and then launched a R.F.M. Debra shouted at the disappearing animals, “What’s going on,” but none of them slowed down to explain. They just disappeared into hiding places in other rooms.”

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Wednesday’s Floof Music

Papi here. Michael is my can opener. I’m helping him out. He’s running late, partly because he slept in because I woke him up six times during the night to go out and come back in or garner his attention because I was bored and had nothing to do. He was cool about it other than daring to lecture me about interrupting his sleep. These humans have such nerve, lecturing a cat about sleep. Cats know how to sleep. Humans can learn from us.

It’s Wednesday, I heard him say. As if I care. I know humans’ days of the week. They are so funny about days and dates. Take it from me, it’s not what you call a day that makes it smell and feel different. I’ve told him so before, but humans are slow learners, almost as slow as fish.

The sun came up after my first breakfast. Weather outside was cold enough before the sun came that I fluffed up my fur to keep warm. No one was out at that hour, which is why I wanted back in. I tried opening the door myself, but they locked it, and they won’t let me have a key. I tried getting the other cat to unlock the door, but he’s as slow as a human. Fortunately, it became sunnier and warmer. I like the sun.

I understand that I’m required to select a song as today’s theme music. There are many wonderful songs which I know would be great for that. I learned “Moonlight Singing” and “Attack, Attack” when I was just a kitten, of course. Youthful favorites include “Knock It Off”, “Catch It, Kill It, Eat It”, and “Damn Red Dot”. Now that I’m older, I’m more drawn to purr music like, “Find Some Sunshine”, “Let’s Cuddle Together”, and “Don’t Touch Me, I’m Sleeping”. Of course, the Floofies had a big hit with “The Sound of Kibble”. I always like it. I can’t go wrong with Stray Floofs and their huge hit, “Hungry Again, Feed Me”, either. Oh, and “Meow Now” by Kittahn would be an excellent song for today.

The can opener is reading over my shoulder. He told me that since I’m typing for him, I need to have human music. Like that stuff they listen to is music. Dog songs sound better than that human crap.

He said that his neurons (whatever they are) suggested “Honky Cat” by Elton John, even though he’s done it before. He’s drinking that hot, smelly, black water that he likes to sip. I’ve smelled it and can tell you that it’s not worth it, but that’s me. He said that he used “Honky Cat” three years ago but that it would be okay. I don’t care. I’m ready for a nap.

Here’s that music. Meow.

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Xenofloofic

Xenofloofic (floofinition) – Fear and hatred of strange or foreign animals, or animals not normally seen in the area.

In use: “Rising up with a yowling growl, Pixie rushed the window in a fresh xenofloofic display, trying to attack the intruder floof — a small tabby with a white chest and matching mitts that Fran had never seen before — through the glass. Pixie was further infuriated that Fran went out and fed the other cat, gave it water, and checked it over for injuries and identification. The gall of her!”

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