Of the Floof Kind
He pads through the house though there’s little light,
Making little sound.
Confirming everything is alright,
Unwilling to let his people down.
Then he returns to the beds,
Checking everyone’s heads,
Reassuring himself that they’re fine.
And has a little to eat,
And then, relaxing, goes to sleep,
Doing the work of a floof kind.
Flooftonia
Flooftonia (floofinition) – Pain or movement disorder caused by immobility or odd positions brought on by sleeping with an animal.
In use: “He’d slept with his head awkwardly canted because he didn’t want to disturb the cat nestled against it, so a fit of flooftonia was afflicting his neck and shoulder.”
Floofsbody
Floofsbody (floofinition) – A person, gofer, or dogsbody who must do boring, menial tasks for animals.
In use: “Most people who live with floofs become a floofsbody, taking care of their bedding, cleaning and replenishing their food and water bowls, brushing their fur, and so on, as if their floof is their master and they are the servant.”
UFP
UFP: Unexpected Floof Presence (floofinition) — Condition where an animal shows up or gets involved without any announcement or invitation.
In use: “Clipping his toenails was stalled by UFP when his cat, Tucker, came over and started rubbing against his hand holding the toenail clippers and then started rolling around on his foot.”
Floofagogy
Floofagogy (floofinition) – The science and art of teaching animals.
In use: “After he was rescued, Buddy Guy, a big tabby Tom, acquired knowledge of floofagogy and started instructing kittens and ferals being fostered by his new human about how to be a cat living with people.”
Thursday’s Bumper Sticker
Stolen from a friend. She said that her father used to say this, teeth grit, under his breath.
Wednesday’s Wandering Thought
Wednesday felt like Friday. He searched through his layers of mental dirt and emotions about why Wednesday felt like Friday. As he found no reason, he concluded that it was Friday, not Wednesday. It was everyone else who was wrong. Not him.
Michael Seidel, writer 