Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Philofloofnia (floofinition) – friendship to animals, or welcoming to animals, most especially housepets.
In use: “The species didn’t matter, as he extended his philofloofnia to everything encountered, from birds to bears, leading to more than a few frightening encounters.”
He doesn’t like peas, and turns them down — of course. Who eats food that they don’t like, except children being forced to do so by parents, guardians, and caretakers? Or sick people being forced to eat something cuz it’s good for them? Or starving people who can’t be choosers? Okay, we’ll stipulate that exemptions exist.
People often try to force them on them, as if some loop will suddenly change. He admits, only to himself, that, yes, it’s possible some loop will suddenly change, but to get to that point, he must eat peas, and he doesn’t wanna.
Others ask, why don’t you like peas? As if every decision stand on foundations of logic. As if he has a choice about everything. As if he fully understands the logic of why he doesn’t like peas, or he knows the fulcrum of the moment when he and peas parted ways — if they’d ever been together in the first place.
When asked about his refusal to eat peas, peas said, “Who?” And laughed.
He found himself forced to explain beer etiquette to others.
“Beer etiquette,” others said. “Like, the proper way to drink beer?”
Which led, inevitably to statements, “I know how to drink beer. I have a PhD in beer drinking. I’m a natural.” These comments were regarded as hilarious.
No, that is not what he is talking about. He is talking about when you take beer to someone else’s home, or to a social gathering. When you take beer, a six-pack, for example, to someone’s house for a party, for example, you should always remove one beer.
“That would make it a five pack,” someone quickly and acutely noted.
Yes, he agreed, smiling, preparing to continue his explanation.
“Why would you do that?”
If you’ll give me a moment, I’ll explain.
“Okay, explain.”
Yes. Removing one bottle or can shows that you like this beer so much that you had to take one for yourself before you brought it. If you don’t take one, people will think that you don’t like that beer, and wonder why you’re bringing beer that you don’t like.
Cries of, “Bullshit,” and “Come on,” answered, but he was adamant that this was good beer etiquette. Always take one bottle out, whether it’s a six or twelve pack, or a case. If it’s a growler, you should remove twelve to sixteen ounces.
“Do you drink it?” someone said.
You can.
“What about wine?” a wag asked.
Another laughed. “Do you take six packs of wine to people’s houses?”
Another said, “Do they make six packs of wine?”
No, he said, gently, this etiquette is about beer.
Silent drinking pervaded the gathering. “Well,” the wag said, “Next time I go, I’ll just take an empty case and told them that it was too good to give away.” Then he laughed like it was the funniest thing he’d ever heard.
Floofcenary (floofinition) – housepets who are obsequious and loving for sordid advantage; a greedy housepet
In use: “The floofcenary beasts loved on him when he was home, but as soon as his wife came home, they all clambered on her for treats, love, and attention.”
Floofpricorn (floofinition) – a housepet that resembles a goat in some combination of coloring, looks, attitude, or floofsonality.
In use: “The kitten’s name was O’Reilly after the site where he was found, but once he was out among the goats, they noticed how much his brown and white fur looked like the goat’s markings, and then the little floofpricorn started jumping around like the kids, sealing the belief that the cat was a goat born in a feline’s body.”
Floofmato (floofinition) – a painting technique for mimicking an area beyond what the human eye is focusing on to what housepets such as cats, dogs, and birds see.
In use: “Her ability to blur the lines between human and animal perceptions, as her floofmato technique demonstrated, brought many to think of her part animal herself.”
Flooflong (floofinition) – a unit of distance equal to a housepet in repose; a yearning for a housepet or to be with a housepet; a housepet’s desire for something such as food or a location, such as someone’s lap; a wish to be a pet or like a housepet.
In use: “On hot days, the walk across the living room was four flooflongs as the cats all spread out on the cool hardwood floor.”
Sly and the Family Stone gave us a lot of awesome music when I was young. Today’s theme song, “Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin) is a favorite. This song’s deliberate mondegreen in its title delighted me. I always knew it as just “Thank You.” When I bought the greatest hits album (actually, on an eight-track tape that the machine ate within a year, but not before torturing the sound into a strange warbling), the full title baffled me. I’d always heard the lyrics correctly, not something that always happened with songs, but did happen at the time. That’s when I was first introduced to mondegreens.
That greatest hits album deserved that title, and that’s why it was worn out. That was common for that time, to wear music out because of its medium, whether it was tape or vinyl. Digital has made a huge difference.
Onward.
Floofstrophedon (floofinition) – housepets sleeping in alternate lines while facing in opposite directions.
In use: “Arriving home after leaving work early, he discovered his cats and dogs sleeping in a floofstrophedon on the master bed, and wondered if this was what they did when he was at work.”
