Lenfloofcular (floofinition) – housepet who resembles a lentil when they’re sleeping.
In use: “At a casual glance, the cats’ lenfloofcular positions made it look like Jack had dropped big three beans onto the bed.”
Just Sayin’
Feeling mad as a hatter, Skip bought a brand spanking new car. To his friends, it was a bolt out of the blue.
Checking it out, Clyde said, “What’s the four-one-one, Skip?”
“Yes,” Penelope said. “What, d’yer win the booby prize? Give us the straight skinny.”
“It’s my new jalopy,” Skip said, at one fell swoop gaining jaundiced looks. “I bought it, cash on the nail. I could only afford it by the skin of my teeth.”
Milly said, “You’re such a crack pot. Did you have to cook the books?”
“To coin a phrase, I think it’s a blot on the landscape,” Parnell said. “It’s the mutts’ nuts.”
Nodding, Tucker said, “Right on. Did you forget to use your loaf, Skip?”
“What’s with the third degree?” Skip wondered as Hester said, “I don’t want to be a wet blanket, but gag me with a spoon.”
“Fer sure, you’re barking mad, Skip,” Ethel said as Horatio said, “You’re such an airhead, Skipper. You bought a pig in the poke.”
Beaming, Skip replied, “Well, I think it’s the cat’s pajamas. It’s really groovy.”
Tucker rose. “That’s all well and good, but I need to catch some zzzs. I’m gonna skate.” Looking at Skip, he said, “Drop a dime when you’ve come back to earth, space cadet.”
“Word,” Ethel agreed as Clyde said, “Peace out,” and Milly said, “Mic drop.”
Watching his friends troop away, Skip said, “Well, I didn’t mean to upset the apple cart.” Leaning back in front of his ride, he took a selfie. “I’ll share it on the Cloud, and Facebook it, the whole shebang. Then, when people Google me, they’ll see my wheels.”
But first, he texted it to himself, and then went to veg out, pleased as punch. It was a new day, and the sky was the limit.
Imflooftu
Imflooftu (floofinition) – to make a spontaneous decision to adopt an animal as a housepet.
In use: “He’d never considered himself a dog person, but the young beagle’s quiet, sad gaze initiated an imflooftu decision, and so his love affair with beagles began, with a quiet one named Single.”
Noifloof
Noifloof (floofinition) – something obnoxious or offensive to housepets; housepet activity that is offensive to people.
In use: “The garbage truck’s weekly roar was a noifloof interruption to the popuflooftion’s idyllic routines, sending the cats and dogs into anxious hiding.”
Popuflooftion
Popuflooftion (floofinition) – all the housepets in a particular home, house, or apartment.
In use: “The ranch-style home included two adults and a popuflooftion of three cats, two dogs, and one each, bird, turtle, gecko, and hamster.”
No Use
Have you ever noticed that no matter how much you beg and plead for silence, once your stomach starts making noises, it’s just about impossible to get it to stop? You just have to wait for it to go back to sleep.
Not Reminding You Not to Overeat
I thought I’d post a reminder to myself not to overeat, and share it with you, telling you not to overeat, if you’re celebrating Thanksgiving this Thursday. But I hear people think that’s body-shaming, so I’m going to refrain.
I was reminding myself not to overeat because it’s not good for my general physical disposition. As I’m in my sixties and know my family history on Dad’s side, cardiovascular problems challenge the males. Overeating doesn’t help, especially when it’s food that I enjoy, like cheese and buttery mashed potatoes, washed down with wine, followed by pie with ice cream and whip cream. Dad is still alive and doing well at eighty-five, but I lost a cousin to a heart-attack when he was forty-three, an uncle has had several bypasses and stents (starting in his mid-thirties), and Grandpa died of a massive coronary when he was sixty-five.
But I don’t want to body-shame anyone, especially myself, so I’m not going to remind you or me not to overeat this Thanksgiving. Of course, the one accused of body-shaming, Sarah Michelle Gellar, added a throwback lingerie shot of herself with her reminder. I’m not going to post such a photo, because I don’t have any decent shots of myself in lingerie. Something goes horribly awry with the camera whenever I take one. I don’t know why. I guess it’s fate.
I will also not mention how I grimace with guilt and sadness when I think of our Thanksgiving traditions of over-indulgence in a world and country where so many are starving and suffering, or that we’re giving thanks for being safe when so many are displaced by war and natural disasters.
Whether you overeat or not, or celebrate Thanksgiving or not, I hope you’re not one of those suffering, and you have a wonderful day today and Thursday, and hell, let’s go for broke and wish you a great life. I also hope that you don’t suffer from being body-shamed, and that you realize that you’re more than your body.
This has not been a public service announcement.
Quadrafloofic
Quadrafloofic (floofinition) – of, or relating to, four housepets.
In use: “Life with his animals was often quadrafloofic as the three dogs and single cat — the ringleader, if you must know — surrounded him, regardless of his activity. This made using the toilet particularly challenging.”
Floofgiving
Floofgiving (floofinition) – an observance to show affectation and gratitude to housepet(s).
In use: “Every morning when he got up, again when he returned home, and again before going to bed, he showered his pets with kisses, and gave them treats, making everyday Floofgiving in his home.”
Henchfloof
Henchfloof (floofinition) – a trusted housepet; a member of a gang of housepets.
In use: “Snuffy the cat didn’t trust any dogs except his beloved friend, Max. Max, a big fluffy-white Samoyed-Spitz mix, was Snuffy’s henchfloof, protecting the feline against anyone entering their yard.”
