The Geezer Discount

My buddy, Dr. Frank Lang, turned eighty years old this month. As an age, more are achieving it. Technically, he’s an octogenarian, but once upon a time, he started calling himself a geezer. This led to beer-fueled debates about what age one becomes a geezer. Is geezer a matter of years lived, or a state of mind, or maturity? Perhaps, it’s all these things. I’ve known some thirtysomethings who seem like Geezers.

In honor or Frank and our aging population, I believe we need to reconsider our restaurant discounts. Senior discounts vary on when they’re applied. Some are honored once fifty-five years old is achieved. I suspect that’s a ploy to increase their market share. Others pin their discounts to the age at which people can begin withdrawing social security, so it’s a sliding scale, with later generations forced to be older to enjoy a senior discount.

I think that’s wrong.

I call upon Congress to fix it. We’re a society that’s supposed to honor our elderly. A food and beverage discount is a great way of doing so. I think, though, with more people aging, we should have a Geezer discount alongside the Senior discount. If you reach sixty-five, you’re eligible for the Senior discount. Once you’ve celebrated your eightieth birthday, you should be authorized the Geezer discount. If the Senior discount is ten percent off, the Geezer discount should be fifteen percent off.

It just makes sense. For one thing, Geezers tend to consume less. Businesses can accommodate the Geezers and still protect their bottom line by providing them smaller portions. I know some businesses, like Bob Evans Restaurants, already do something like this for Seniors.

Of course, it would be unfair of us to not also extend a greater discount for those who reach one hundred years old. If you get that old and you’re out eating at a restaurant, you deserve a Centenarian discount. That would be a one hundred percent discount.

Yes, Centenarians would dine for free.

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