Steppenfloof

Steppenfloof (floofinition) – A Floofnadian-Floofmerican floof rock musical group formed in Floof Angeles in 1967. The band became known for a bluesy heavy-metal sound.

In use: “Two of Steppenfloof’s biggest hits were “Magic Carpet Cat” and “Born to Howl”, which was used in the 1969 film, Easy Floofer.”

Secretly

The sun is beating on my head through my hat. I’m just the help. It’s a role that I enjoy.

Some.

“Boss me around, baby,” I do NOT say. I stay mute, gloves on hands, left arm in its removable brace, hoe nearby, spade in hand.

My wife is the master, planting her garlic for winter. She’s serious about her garden. Fresh bulbs had been procured, along with the right soil and fertilizer. Potatoes occupy the usual garlic winter home. A new one is required. “Somewhere in the sun,” she proclaims with steely vigor, looking around.

A song spurts into my head. Oh, hey. Did you happen to —

“We need to move the compost bins,” my wife declares.

We’re in the side yard, where most of the gardening is done. Boo, the backyard panther with a white star on his chest (like he’s sheriff) (guess, that would be a floofriff) moseys along toward us, talking as he comes. One compost bin (previously emptied) is moved to a new location. With this happening, Boo retreats to the backyard He wants nothing to do with work.

I shovel the compost from the full one to the empty one’s new location. The song resumes it secret playing in my head. Oh, hey. Did you happen to see the most beautiful girl in the world. And if you did, was she crying?

Yes, Charlie Rich is serenading my brain with “The Most Beautiful Girl” as I do as I’m told. (We’re now on breaking up the soil where the garlic is to reside.) I blame my mother for this song. While Charlie Rich’s voice and the accompanying music is coming off vinyl courtesy of Mom’s mohogany Magnavox console stereo, it’s Mom singing along along with Rich who is actually singing in my head. She used to frustrate me by singing this song when I was trying to talk to her about it. It was apparently funny to her. The song came out in 1973. I would turn seventeen that year. I’d left home a year or two before to live with Dad, but would return to Mom for major holidays. Dad, single guy that he was, didn’t do holidays.

Why did Mom sing that song to me? Why was I singing today? These the mind’s mysteries. At least, they’re my mind’s mysteries. I don’t know what goes on in others’ minds. I barely comprehend what’s happening in my own.

“Now I just need to water them.” My wife was finished. I was dismissed.

It was a good day. Time to go wash my wife’s car. Wonder what song will be playing?

Oh, wait, Rose Royce begins their 1976 hot song, “Car Wash”. I was stationed in the Republic of the Philippines when it was out. My good buddy Bopie introduced it to me.

At least this one is task appropriate.

Floofbook

Floofbook (floofinition) – Global online floofal media networking service founded by Mark Zuckerfloof in 2004.

In use: “Many animals spend hours every day on Floofbook, keeping contact with litter mates and old enemies alike, an activity that has replaced chasing small creatures, red dots, balls and sticks for many young floofs.”

Macklefloof

Macklefloof (floofinition) – Rapper and songwriter born in Floofattle, Floofington, in 1983. Collaborating with Ryan Floofwis as a duo brought him several number one hits between 2009 and 2013.

In use: “Macklefloof and Ryan Floofwis hit number one in Floofmeria with “Thrift Floof”, a song about buying cheap clothing from thrift stores.”

Floofligious

Floofligious (floofinition) – Manifesting faithful devotion to animals or an animal.

In use: “In times of strife, many people shrink from the world’s bad news and become floofligious, attending their fur friend’s desires and needs, and often placing those needs and desires above their own, because without those beloved companions, the world would be much darker.”

Collective Floof

Collective Floof (floofinition) – A floof rock (flock) grunge band originally from Floofbridge, Georgia. Formed in 1992, they released their first album in 1995. Certified triple-platinum, it remains their best-selling album.

In use: “Collective Floof has had several mainstream number one hits in the UFA, including “Floof Declaration” in 1997, which was their fifth number one song.”

Thursday’s Theme Music

Cat number two was the first encountered. He began the dance.

Number two is number one in his eyes. We don’t know what he calls himself. We call him Boo. Sometimes he answers to that.

Seeing me slack-jawed with fading dreams moving zombie-esque from bedroom through hall, Boo said, “Mrr.” Mrr, I think, means, “About time,” “Feed me,” “Good morning,” or “Hello.”

He was in a sitting position. Standing, he began singing, “You can go this way, you can go that way.” Thinking he knew which way, he shifted his body that direction to inhibit my passage and bend my will to his.

Feigning left, I slipped right. One cat passed. Not liking it, Boo sang out.

Cat number two, referred to as Tucker (but as adept at ignoring his name as Boo) was sitting just beyond Boo. Responding to Boo’s talking, Tucker said, “I got him.” Standing, he said, “You can go this way, you can go that way,” and moved to cut me off.

A deftly executed double feint was executed by me, an impressive move by a sleep-lusting, coffee-hungering moving catatonic human, though not easily. Tucker is a wily veteran and countered each movement, singing on as he did, “You can go this way, you can go that way, you can go this way, you can go that way.”

This is why Fatboy Slim’s 2001 song, “Weapon of Choice”, is today’s theme music. Naturally, I’ve spooled up the Christopher Walken dance version. It’s a little fun, a repeat, but worthwhile.

Here’s the music. Wear your masks, please.

Floofphile

Floofphile (floofinition) – Person who is enthusiastic about animals.

In use: “The Internet may not have given birth to floofphiles, but videos of kittens, puppies, baby hippos, birds, lambs, goats, and so on, certainly encouraged a growth

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