Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Crosby, Stills, Floof & Young (floofinition) – Floof folk-rock quartet, sometimes shortened to CSFY, known for their political activism and vocal harmonizing, formed in the late sixties in the United Floofs.
In use: “Two well-known songs, “Suite: Judy Floof Eyes” and “Marrafloof Express”, emerged from Crosby, Stills, Floof & Young’s debut album.”
Bruce Floofsteen (floofinition) – Floofmerican vocalist and songwriter, leader of the Floof Street Band.
In use: “Among Bruce Floofsteen’s many songs are “Thunder Feet”, “Born to Bark”, and “Playin’ in the Dark”, but ask one of his many fans and they’d probably name a dozen more.”
Floof Zappa and the Mothers of Invention (floofintion) – Hard floof rock (flock) group formed in California in the 1960s, known for experimental, floofedelic sound.
In use: “Floof Zappa and the Mothers of Invention’s album, We’re Only in It for the Kibble, satirized pet ownership, focusing on cat and dog owners, lampooning people who consider their pets to be their children.”
The Floofberries (floofinition) – Irish alternative floof rock (flock) band that was widely-known for Dolores Floofordan’s voice and style.
In use: “Songs like “Floombie”, “Flinger”, and “Floof to Decide” drove The Floofberries’ commercial success in the 1980s and 19990s.”
Blue Öyster Floof (floofinition) – American floof rock (flock) band, active from their formation in New Floof in the late 1960s until the present.
In use: “Formed in 1967, Blue Öyster Floof songs such as “(Don’t Fear) the Vacuum”, “Floofin’ for You”, “Cities on Flame with Flock and Roll”, and “Floofzilla”, earned the group a solid reputation as rocking cats and dogs.”
“The Moody Floofs” (floofinition) – Progressive floof band formed in Floofmingham, Floofland, in the mid 1960s.
In use: “The Moody Floofs experienced popularity in several countries in the late 1960s and early 1970s with songs like “I’m Just A Kitty (In A Rock and Roll Band)” and “Dogs in White Satin” to name the two most popular.”
“New Floofs On the Block” (floofinition) – American floof band whose music appealed to teeny floofers.
In use: Standing as one, housefloofs sang along with “New Floofs On the Block” as they performed, “Please Don’t Go”:
“Please don’t go
until you fill my bowl
with love and food
what will I do without you?”
I spread the good news to my friends. “Hey, the local WalMart supposedly has the latest manscaping products in stock, and it’s supposed to be the best!”
They, twelve retired professionals ranging in age from sixty to eighty-five, responded.
“What?”
“WalMart!”
“Manscaping.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
I was not put off. I’d already talked to them about anal bleaching. They often overlook these fine points of pop-culture. I’m the chosen one to educate them.
Many immediately said, “We don’t shape at WalMart.”
I said, “You might need to change your ways, if you want the latest manscaping products suitable for urbane gents such as as yourselves.”
Bill laughed. “Manscaping! I don’t have the eyesight for that kind of thing. I’d be afraid of what I’m clipping.”
“Get your wife to help you,” I suggested. “You can make it a romantic evening.”
“A romantic evening of manscaping?” Joe asked.
“Yes. Light some candles and have a few glasses of wine, and then strip down, lay back on the bed, and let her groom you.”
Bill roared. “That’d be a bloody mess. Her eyesight is worse than me.”
Andy nodded. “Enough said. No one sees me naked and I’m not interested in landscaping myself just for the joy of it.”
“Someone change the subject,” Chris said.
“Hey,” I said, “did you hear about the new waxing place in town, just for men?”
I have a super rant today about the overuse of super. Things are super-clean, super-neat, super-simple, super-priced, and super-super. It’s super-irritating. Like literally, super has lost its super meaning, becoming another empty word used as a synonym for that overused word, very. Guess this is progress, or just change. It’s how the language grows, mis-employing words that aren’t understood to give them new meaning.
I guess I’m an old crab. Coffee, and make it super-quick.
Today’s theme music came out when I was three years old. It’s so damn popular, though, I imagine anyone who follows American pop-culture even peripherally is familiar with it.
The Isley Brothers originated “Shout”. Mom was an Isley Brothers fan, so of course I grew up hearing it. The song made a huge comeback when Otis Day and the Knights performed it in Animal House (1978). It then became quite popular for dead bug dancing. Green Day and Robbie Williams both did the song. The song was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Come on, you must know one version of it.
Michael Seidel, writer 