Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Bruce Floofsteen (floofinition) – Floofmerican vocalist and songwriter, leader of the Floof Street Band.
In use: “Among Bruce Floofsteen’s many songs are “Thunder Feet”, “Born to Bark”, and “Playin’ in the Dark”, but ask one of his many fans and they’d probably name a dozen more.”
Floof Zappa and the Mothers of Invention (floofintion) – Hard floof rock (flock) group formed in California in the 1960s, known for experimental, floofedelic sound.
In use: “Floof Zappa and the Mothers of Invention’s album, We’re Only in It for the Kibble, satirized pet ownership, focusing on cat and dog owners, lampooning people who consider their pets to be their children.”
The Floofberries (floofinition) – Irish alternative floof rock (flock) band that was widely-known for Dolores Floofordan’s voice and style.
In use: “Songs like “Floombie”, “Flinger”, and “Floof to Decide” drove The Floofberries’ commercial success in the 1980s and 19990s.”
Blue Öyster Floof (floofinition) – American floof rock (flock) band, active from their formation in New Floof in the late 1960s until the present.
In use: “Formed in 1967, Blue Öyster Floof songs such as “(Don’t Fear) the Vacuum”, “Floofin’ for You”, “Cities on Flame with Flock and Roll”, and “Floofzilla”, earned the group a solid reputation as rocking cats and dogs.”
“The Moody Floofs” (floofinition) – Progressive floof band formed in Floofmingham, Floofland, in the mid 1960s.
In use: “The Moody Floofs experienced popularity in several countries in the late 1960s and early 1970s with songs like “I’m Just A Kitty (In A Rock and Roll Band)” and “Dogs in White Satin” to name the two most popular.”
“New Floofs On the Block” (floofinition) – American floof band whose music appealed to teeny floofers.
In use: Standing as one, housefloofs sang along with “New Floofs On the Block” as they performed, “Please Don’t Go”:
“Please don’t go
until you fill my bowl
with love and food
what will I do without you?”
I spread the good news to my friends. “Hey, the local WalMart supposedly has the latest manscaping products in stock, and it’s supposed to be the best!”
They, twelve retired professionals ranging in age from sixty to eighty-five, responded.
“What?”
“WalMart!”
“Manscaping.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
I was not put off. I’d already talked to them about anal bleaching. They often overlook these fine points of pop-culture. I’m the chosen one to educate them.
Many immediately said, “We don’t shape at WalMart.”
I said, “You might need to change your ways, if you want the latest manscaping products suitable for urbane gents such as as yourselves.”
Bill laughed. “Manscaping! I don’t have the eyesight for that kind of thing. I’d be afraid of what I’m clipping.”
“Get your wife to help you,” I suggested. “You can make it a romantic evening.”
“A romantic evening of manscaping?” Joe asked.
“Yes. Light some candles and have a few glasses of wine, and then strip down, lay back on the bed, and let her groom you.”
Bill roared. “That’d be a bloody mess. Her eyesight is worse than me.”
Andy nodded. “Enough said. No one sees me naked and I’m not interested in landscaping myself just for the joy of it.”
“Someone change the subject,” Chris said.
“Hey,” I said, “did you hear about the new waxing place in town, just for men?”
I have a super rant today about the overuse of super. Things are super-clean, super-neat, super-simple, super-priced, and super-super. It’s super-irritating. Like literally, super has lost its super meaning, becoming another empty word used as a synonym for that overused word, very. Guess this is progress, or just change. It’s how the language grows, mis-employing words that aren’t understood to give them new meaning.
I guess I’m an old crab. Coffee, and make it super-quick.
Today’s theme music came out when I was three years old. It’s so damn popular, though, I imagine anyone who follows American pop-culture even peripherally is familiar with it.
The Isley Brothers originated “Shout”. Mom was an Isley Brothers fan, so of course I grew up hearing it. The song made a huge comeback when Otis Day and the Knights performed it in Animal House (1978). It then became quite popular for dead bug dancing. Green Day and Robbie Williams both did the song. The song was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Come on, you must know one version of it.
Watching television yesterday, I saw a McDonald’s commercial. It’s surprising that I heard and saw the commercial. I’m fond of muting the commercials or leaving the room as they play. But I decided to stay and watch a few.
In this commercial, the young customer was celebrating as if he’d done something great, in this case, making a basketball shot from half-court. As he celebrated that fantasy, McDonald’s employees said were trying to get his attention to tell him his order was ready.
So, essentially, my takeaway is that you have to be delusional and living in a fantasy world to enjoy McDonald’s.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fqn7LQsl32Q
Next up was an Amazon ad. This one told me that the problems at work, such as being marginalized, can be solved by work, by Amazon. Yeah, really? Fuck me, isn’t that amazing? They’re touting that the businesses and industries that created the problems will now turn around and solve them, and that Amazon can help.
Right, I believe that.
The other commercial that made me groan aloud was a Dodge Ram commercial. In this one, a voice-over talks about how Americans love sports as different games and athletes are shown. Then, rhetorically, we’re asked, “What’s America’s favorite sport?” Their astounding answer is, paraphrasing, “None of the above. Work is America’s favorite sport.” They said, “We were born to work.”
*snark alert*
Yes, that’s what I’ve always heard from others. “Play football, baseball, or golf? Heck, no, I want to go to work. Go to see the Olympic games? No, I’d miss work. Watch the SuperBowl when I can go to work? No way.”
Perhaps only truck owners think this, though. I honestly can’t say that I’ve ever encountered someone driving a truck, Dodge or otherwise, who said, “My favorite sport is work.”
Dodge — and the other companies — have gone into deep holes of delusion. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I don’t know what’s going on.
Maybe there are millions of Americans who do think that a six dollar McDonald’s meal is so fantastic that they dance and celebrate. Maybe there are millions of people buying the idea that Amazon can help solve the vexing problems of pay inequity, being marginalized, and glass ceilings. Maybe millions of people agree with Dodge, that their favorite sport is work. Or perhaps, these companies believe that if they say it enough, they’ll convince people of the truth behind their visions.
One, I hope no one is buying this new wave of shit.
Two, I really doubt that they are.
I believe most American sit back, watch these commercials and think, what bullshit. Most of them, getting ready to go to work, sigh, and think, one more time.
Michael Seidel, writer 