Thursday’s Bumper Sticker
Off-kilter
My writing world is a little off-kilter this morning. I’m again doubting that the muses and characters know what they’re doing. I suspect they’re conning me.
The muses and characters agree about what’s to be written, what’s happening, and what’s to come next. “Trust us,” they purr.
I’m jaundiced about their plans. “Seems like we’re going around in a bac.”
“A what?”
“Bac. ” I spelled it, “B.A.C. Big-ass circle.”
“Writers,” one muse mumbled to a character (Brett), who nodded back with an eye-roll. They didn’t care that I’d witnessed this, implying a disrespect that I didn’t like.
“We know what we’re doing,” another muse said, like a young mother speaking to her mother about the way she’s raising her child. “Just follow our guidance.”
“I am,” I said. “If you could let me in on a little more, I’d feel more comfortable about I’m typing.”
Several muses and characters unloosed scoffing sounds while another muse said, “We don’t want to burden you with too much.”
“I’m the writer here,” I said. “Shouldn’t I know where the story is going?”
“You do know,” one muse said.
“Yes, you know how it’s ending, don’t you?” said another muse.
Handley, a character, “Nothing personal, but we don’t want to give you too much to juggle. You already seem a little strained by the novel’s direction.”
“It’s more than a novel, it’s become a series,” I said.
“Exactly,” Handley said. “And there’s a great deal more material available that we could give you, but you seem tired of writing this.”
“Yes,” a muse said. “You’re weary of writing this, doubtful of the content, dubious of your skill and talent, and worried that you’re pulling a Wonderboys.”
I clamped my lips tight for a second before speaking. “None of that’s germane to this conversation. While that’s all true, that doesn’t change that right now, it seems like you guys are leading me in a — ”
“Big-ass circle,” a muse said. “Yes, we know.”
Realizing that I wasn’t going to win this discussion, and that the muses and characters weren’t going to tell me more until they thought I was ready for it, I finished my walk, purchased my coffee, and set up to write.
Time to write like crazy and see where the characters and muses take me. Do you know that the muses have never told me their names?
Catsip
Catsip (catfinition) – conversations between feline about information that might not be true, often passed through a nose to nose close exchange.
In use: “The orange cat and the long-haired black paws feline catsipped nose to nose for over a minute, arousing his curiosity about what was being exchanged.”
Cattercalling
Cattercalling (catfinition) – to go around a house, yard, or neighborhood, calling for a cat by their names, and making noises to get their attention, such as shaking kibble containers.
In use: “Whenever his floofs weren’t visible in his yard, he would start cattercalling them in an ever-widening circle until they answered, showed up, or were found sleeping in the house.”
Enfloof
Enfloof (catfinition) – two or more cats entwined, typically while sleeping or grooming or wrestling with one another; having one’s limbs or hair entangled or entrapped with a cat; a cat wrapped up in clothing or bedding.
In use: “As soon as she removed her work clothes and dropped them on the floor, her big black cat with the white diamond on his chest enfloofed himself in them, falling asleep in the time she took to turn around, get out her pajamas, turn around again.”
Dreams and Writing
My dreams and writing seem to be part of my creative and imagination mind system. I figure, as worlds and space has weather, so do our minds. When a high-powered dream system moves in, it always brings a strong imagination ridge, and writing levels rise.
I wish I could track it and forecast it. Imagine us having an app on our phones or computers that can bring up radar imagery of our mind systems, with some prognosticator telling us what it all means.
“You have an emotional front moving in. It’s going to settle on you for a few days beginning Monday, with Tuesday seeing the strongest activity before it begins to move back out of the area on Thursday, so watch out for those swing moods and crankiness. The front will decrease your physical energy, and increase your maudlin memories. This activity will probably call for some comfort food on Wednesday, which will wreck your diet, and a few glasses of wine or beer, but a strong will system will arrive on Friday, enabling you to get back into healthy eating routines. The ten day outlook calls for rising optimism in the following week, with some periods of intense exuberance.”
Re-affirmed
Once again, I’ve been reminded that travel brings out the best and worst in coffee. People have different ideas about what tastes good, but they’re also part of geographic trends. “Isn’t that good coffee?” they ask, handing you some swill.
Which challenges politeness. I always err toward gratefulness. Coffee’s aroma helps ground me and restores my balance, to give nothing away about what the caffeine does to stoke my will to live. “Yes, yes, it’s very good coffee,” I reply. If pressed, I’ll mention, “It’s not quite what I would usually drink, but this is delicious. Thank you.”
Unless, of course, my taste buds are so offended that they’re lobbying my brain to spit it out. Then I swallow the coffee and say, “Mm mmm,” and complain privately later.
Some of that hotel and aero-plane stuff really pissed off my taste buds, though. I was afraid they were going to stop speaking to me. But then, they were given pie, and they were happy.
Shift
You ever hear someone sleeping and think, I wish that motorcycle would shift to a lower gear?
No?
Catcimate
Catcimate (catfinition) – a feline’s ability to cause great destruction or harm.
In use: “Claws had catcimated the love seat and ottoman, and pieces of stuffing were pulled out of the cushions.”
Floofcessory
Floofcessory (catfinition) – a cat or feline that is not essential in itself but adds to the beauty, convenience, or effectiveness of something else; a cat a person not actually or constructively present but contributing other’s misbehavior.
In use: “The calico seemed demure and innocence, but as floofcessory, she’d leaped up, grabbed the door handle and turned it, effectively answering the question, “Who let the dogs out?””
Michael Seidel, writer 