Floofdigenous (floofinition) – particular places where we normally or naturally find our pets in our homes.
In use: “In many homes, sofas, couches, beds, or patches of sunlight are floofdigenous to our cats and dogs.”
Flooflaw
Flooflaw (floofinition) – a house pet who contemptuously believes themselves above household rules; an animal scofflaw.
In use: “Household flooflaws broke into the cupboard and raided the treats and kibbles, leaving empty bags behind.”
Flooftusi
Flooftusi (floofinition) – dance performed by some household pets, it usually involves the creature sitting still and moving nothing but its head, often as it watches something. Cats will often perform the dance inline while watching birds. If they add chattering to the dance, catologists call the variation the bird-tusi.
In use: “Lined up at the window, the three felines watched birds and performed an admirable variant of the flooftusi that’s known as the bird-tusi.”
“This isn’t a post.” “Yes, it is.”
This Tunnel of Silly Walks in the Netherlands (posted on Atlas Obscura) reminded me of Monty Python’s Argument Clinic.
The Argument Clinic is more than such, and features the standard MP goofiness but none of the usual cross-dressing. It’s a laugh, innit?
Flooflebrity
Flooflebrity (floofinition) – a pet who is widely known and of great interest.
In use: “Although Kirk the border collie won the 2017 Purina Pro Plan Incredible Dog Challenge, it was video of her watching and reacting to her performance that made her a flooflebrity.”
Floopy
Floopy (floofinition) – a pet who acts silly.
In use: “Meep was floopy today, galloping into the house from the patio, sliding to a stop on the hardwood dining room floor, and then spinning around and galloping back out.”
The Sneeze
It was an expulsion from his mouth and nose, a rejection of foreign bodies irritating his systems,
And a trigger for the cat to leap up from deep sleep and scurry from the noisy monster (who is usually quiet and friendly, especially when he has food or treats) into another room’s safety,
And a cue for the dog to say, “Hello!” (woof),
And a signal for annoyance to fly through his wife’s expression as she says, “That’s one.”
Guidelines for A Relationship with Your Muse(s)
I’ve been coping with my muse(s) for years. I’m not certain how many I have. I may have one muse with shape-shifting skills and multiple personalities, or a horde with very distinct skill sets and ideas. I suspect my muses are both of these ideas.
Muse(s) can be fickle. Having employed some mechanisms that helped me get along with my muse(s), I thought I’d compile some brief, general guidelines. These are recorded to help me in the future, but since I’m typing them up, I thought sharing them might help others when they’re dealing with their muse(s).
- Shelter your muse(s) like kittens, puppies, kits, and fledglings. They’re cute, tender, and impressionable, and need to be fed, protected, and nurtured. They depend on you for everything.
- It helps to act like you’re handling a fourteenth-century Ming dynasty vase when you’re conversing with your muse(s). They’re rare, fragile, and irreplaceable.
- Regard your muse(s) like they’re famous geniuses such as William Shakespeare, Jane Austen, Stephen Hawking, Jackson Pollock, Maya Angelou, or Frank Lloyd Wright. They have a lot to offer, and you should pay attention.
- Behave with your muse(s) as you would with family that you enjoy having around, and respect and interact with your muse(s) as you do with family that you must love because they’re family, but you have no idea why they do the things that they do.
- Follow your muse(s) like they’re a famous performer, like Frank Sinatra, Elvis Presley, Mick Jagger, Janis Joplin, Aretha Franklin, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Beyonce, or Kanye West, or a movie star like Jimmy Stewart, Sir Lawrence Olivier, Meryl Streep, Tom Hanks, Dwight Johnson, Jerry Lewis, Casey Affleck, or Bruce Campbell.
- Care for your muse(s) like a favorite elderly pet who seems to be fading.
- Obey your muse(s) like you’re a child and they’re your parent(s).
- Nurture, protect, and teach your muse(s) like you’re their parent(s) and they’re your child, perhaps a two-year-old, or a sixteen-year-old. They could be both from moment to moment. Part of the fun is understanding which one they are.
- Interact with your muse(s) like they’ve been convicted of being a serial killer who escaped from prison and is standing in your bedroom.
- React to your muse(s) like they’re the monsters under your bed. You’re not sure if they’re real, but you keep hearing noises, and it’s really, really dark.
- Embrace your muse(s) like a bolt of lightning during a thunderstorm. It can be painful and illuminating, but rewarding, if you survive.
- Finally, have fun with your muse(s). Pretend that you’re all celebrating graduating high-school and becoming an adult by getting drunk.
Employing these simple strategies have rewarded me with the same sort of wonderful relationship that I have with a stranger that I bump into at a parade. With a little observation and effort, you can have the same kind of relationship.
Good luck!
Jumpin’
Jumpin’ from the fire into the pan
Burns the balls off this man
Changes the way he thinks and plan
Maybe he should go get a cat scan
Jumpin’ from the roof on the car
Knowing like this he wouldn’t go far
Still hoping maybe he’ll be a star
But probably should’ve learned to play guitar
Jumpin’ on the bed with her
Buying her clothes, jewels, and fur
Wishing she wouldn’t act like a cur
Feeling the cold, I shiver, brrr.
Jumpin’ on the paths
falling on my ass
gettin’ back up
smiling, wassup?
It’s old, it’s new, it’s jumpin’.
