Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Incatestable (catfinition) – something that can’t be disputed because the cat has decide that it is so.
In use: “The cats’ need to be present when Michael used the bathroom became incatestable as at least one feline raced into the bathroom ahead of him whenever he went in that direction. Wondering what was driving their obsessive interest, he became a master at misdirection and quiet walking. That worked for a while, but he’d forgotten that cats could read humans’ minds.”
Floofrient (catfinition) – intense, obsessive interest demonstrated by an animal, typically house pets such as cats or dogs.
In use: “Whatever the human was eating brought floofrient attention as the dog and cat hurried over to sniff at the least, but more often attempting to snatch food out of his hand or off his plate, take a bite, or give it a lick.”
I run through the checklist.
Check the Air Quality Index. We’re at unhealthy, bordering on very unhealthy. Remember, that’s an average, and it’s early. The AQI usually goes up (the air becomes unhealthy) as the temperature rises.
Checking the weather, I confirm that it’ll be in the nineties in our area, with no precipitation. (Ironically, I check Ash Station, ironic because of the fine ash that covers things after a few days.)
It’s a mask day.
I apply my SPF 50 UV A/B lotion.
Then a hat to cover my head, and sunglasses for my eyes.
I’m ready to meet the great outdoors.
Masking up is becoming the new norm, along with skin and eye protection. It’s not truly the new norm yet. We haven’t monetized the masks.
There’s potential there.
America is a consuming, personality driven nation. I can see masks being spun to political preferences – MAGA masks, blue masks, Code Pink masks – but also to styles, personalities, and trends. Advertising can be put on masks. Budweiser and Coke can issue masks in their colors, with their logos, and give them away for free, or a discount. But two litters of Coke and get a free mask!
Pick up your mask with your Domino’s Pizza.
Or, take zombies. If you’re going to wear a mask, find a way to make it look like a zombie. Prefer Star Trek or Star Wars? Show it on your mask.
Bling can be added to the straps. The masks can be manufactured and offered in different colors. Come on, support the Pittsburgh Steelers in your Black & Gold mask. State your preference for the Oregon State Beavers in orange and black, or wear a green and yellow Duck mask to support Oregon University.
Call me a cynic (or call me Ishmael), I’m so surprised that some company hasn’t jumped all over this. I’m sure it’ll happen soon. When it does, when you finally start seeing blinged masks or masks supporting your cause or your team, then you’ll know that the new norm has arrived.
Speaking of which, I better stock up before the prices jump.
Schadenfloof (catfinition) – one furry creature’s apparent pleasure at other’s troubles and misfortune.
In use: “When the dog was called out for knocking over the kitchen trash can (of which he was technically innocent), the cats oozed schadenfloof as they sat and watched.”
A classic.
Infloofarable (catfinition) – two or more cats or dogs incapable of being separated or disjoined.
In use: “Taffy the blind cat and Bettina became infloofarable after getting to know each other.”
Chubbasaurus Orange (catfinition) – breed of hefty orange cats who enjoy eating and hunting but are very sweet.
In use: “They weighed twenty and twenty-one pounds, but the chubbasaurus orange cats demonstrated amazing leaping abilities, with one jumping as high as a man’s shoulder when the cat went after a robin taking flight.”
Bifloofual (catfintion) – a person who likes cats and dogs without showing a clear preference for either.
In use: “With a Jack Russell, Border Collie, and two Maine Coon cats, all rescues from miserable situations, he’d proven himself to be bifloofual, sharing his home, interest, and income (and of course his food and bed) with both feline and canine four-legged companions without compromise.”
I’ve noticed people doing this.
I’ve notice that I do it.
After completely something, say reading a few pages of a book, people take a deep breath, let it out, and say, “Okay.” Based on observations and personal experience, it’s a psychological preparatory step. They and I have been putting something off that we planned to do, something we’re not really happy about doing, I think. We keep telling ourselves that we’re going to do it. We’ve have the conversation with ourselves that we can’t put it off any longer, that we’ve stalled long enough, that we are going to do it, and we’re going to do it now.
“Okay.”
I don’t know where this comes from, but I suspect that I’m mimicking someone in the past, or maybe my wife. I’ve heard bosses say it in this same way. I hear myself say it, and I hear my spouse. I hear people in stores say it to themselves while they’re stocking shelves, and I hear it from baristas in coffee shops as they turn away from the counter.
Deep breath. Release. (Sometimes a sigh.) “Okay,” so soft, it’s like they’re talking to themselves.
I’ve heard it from all age groups, including a young girl. She seemed like a six-year old by size and expression. She was standing about six feet from a car. I saw her take the breath. I heard her say, “Okay.” Then she turned and walked back to the car.
“Okay.”
Okay seems like a uniquely American expression, even if some claims to its origins begin in Germany, Greek, Scotland, and Haiti, along with Puerto Rico and French Louisiana. I have heard it used in foreign television shows made in exotic places like Canada, Australia, New Zealand, and the U.K. I don’t know if the residents of those lands use okay in this context, as a final acknowledgement to oneself, it is time.
Got my coffee. Time to write like crazy, at least one more time.
Okay.
Floofbeard (flooffinition) – an accumulation of hair on your face from your pet’s demonstrations of affection.
In use: “Quinn leaped up onto Michael’s lap and then marched straight up to Michael’s face. After mewing a greeting, Quinn began purring, rubbing his face against Michael’s cheeks and chin, and nipping Michael’s chin and nose. Within seconds, Michael had acquired a floofbeard.”
Michael Seidel, writer 