Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Parafloofic (floofinition) – of, having the form of, or relating to a housepet, such as a cat, dog, bird, etc.; expressed by being a housepet.
In use: “One large sun room was a parafloofic paradise, full of cat trees, food and water dishes for the cats and dogs, cushioned sofas and chairs where the animals lounged in sunshine, and budgies hanging from the ceiling in cages.
Well, so is writing, but we don’t go around bragging about it, do we?
Reflooftive (floofinition) – a person’s behavior imitating a pet’s action; a housepet’s efforts to imitate or duplicate people’s behavior.
In use: “The morning became a reflooftive routine. First, when the dog stretched, she dropped down and stretched like him, wiggling her butt like he wagged his tail. Then, when she went into her yoga routine, he joined alongside her, stretching and putting his leg over his head. It always made her laugh.”
Floofereens (floofinition) – the damage and wreckage left by the activities of one or more housepets.
In use: “Housepets’ flooferreens can be immense, she knew, having experienced a Lab that reduced her sofa cushions to confetti, and cats that had obliterated house plants, Christmas trees, curtains, and toilet paper.”
I’m fighting waste and ageism wherever I find it and have realized an amendment is in order.
I think everyone is familiar with the five-second rule. To ensure we’re addressing the same rule, the five-second rule states that food items dropped on the floor can still be consumed if they can be retrieved before five seconds expire.
This discriminates against older people. Our elders can often encounter problems bending over and picking things up. Hell, just noticing that they dropped something can take several seconds.
Therefore, I’m proposing an amendment to the five-second rule. Individuals over fifty-five years of age will be allotted one extra second to the five-second-rule.
Examples: a person of sixty years of age will have an additional five seconds. That gives them ten seconds to notice they dropped food, find it, pick it up, and eat it. Someone who is seventy will have an extra fifteen seconds (twenty in total).
Of course, if you’re over one hundred, you can take all the time you want, sugar.
The floor is open for discussion.
The cats inspired today’s theme music. I’d gotten out of bed and came into the office. From the other room came the sounds of a clumsy cat in the kitty litter box. A few moments later, a stink cyclone struck me.
As I hastened to attend the natural disaster, I told the cat (who wanted out, and I understand why), “I love you but sometimes love stinks.”
J. Geils Band, “Love Stinks”, 1980.
Floofjump (floofinition) – a non-competitive event where a housepet attempts to block another housepet or human, forcing the human or animal to jump over the blocking housepet.
In use: “Running late, he hurried, planning to feed the pets after he’d done a few preliminary tasks, but they, being hungry, rushed to block him whenever he turned, forcing him to floofjump more than once, transforming the house into a floofcourse.”
Flooferone (floofinition) – a pet’s task to escort people around the house to ensure they don’t get lost, hurt, or attacked.
In use: “One important flooferone duty was going to the bathroom with people, and protect them from others. Something or someone breaking in was a constant risk and getting their people was a risk that the humans just didn’t grasp.”
Floofback (floofinition) – feedback or information about reactions to a product, a performance, etc. which is used as a basis for improvement or change.
In use: “His cat enjoyed tummy rubs but gave fast floofback with sharp claws and a quick nip when the tummy-rub session should be ended.”
Today’s song is one I sing briefly for myself almost every morning because I’ve tortured the lyrics to address my morning coffee ritual.
“Pour some coffee for me.
“Make it black, hot and strong,
“I can drink it all day long.”
Here’s “Pour Some Sugar on Me”, Def Leppard, 1987.
Michael Seidel, writer 