Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Eflooftemology (floofinition) – The study or a theory of the nature and grounds of knowledge regarding animals, especially housepets or domesticated animals, with reference to the limits and validity of the knowledge.
In use: “Animals’ innate secrecy and their desire to protect their knowledge limits eflooftemology as animals often defy established ‘facts’ about their thinking, skills, and behavior.”
Ah, they toured the world and elsewhere…
Here’s Spinal Tap with their hit song, “Flower People” (July, 1967), from This Is Spinal Tap (1984). It’s a perfectly mellow song from the perfectly mellow past for a perfectly mellow day.
Floofdrant (floofinition) – A room or space divided by housepets for their use.
In use: “A floofdrant was always created along the same lines, with the older male cats taking to the easy chairs, the dogs on the sofa, and the female cat on the humans’ favorite leather recliner.”
Afloofpriate (floofinition) – When an animal, especially a houspet, acquires something for its own use or consumption.
In use: “She planned to have a nice butter croissant with apricot preserves for breakfast but her dog was faster, afloofpriating the warm food and gobbling it up as soon as she set the plate down.”
Aufloof (floofinition) – A poem or music celebrating pets or animals.
In use: “For example, “A Dog On His Master” by Billy Collins, is an almost perfect aufloof.”
Floofdiferous (floofinition) – A magnificent or splendid example of an animal. [Middle Flooflish, from Medieval Floof floofdiferus, from Late Floof floofdōrifer.]
In use: “With fiery ginger flames of long fur, and large, urgent pale jade eyes, Blur was floofdiferous, a wondrous, friendly giant of a cat.”
He’d meet you with twinkling green eyes, a smile tugging his lips up, and a hand as large as a baseball mitt. Leaning forward, he’d announce, “Pleased to meet you. Hi, I’m Bent.” He always made it seem like meeting you was a special treat for him.
His full name was Bent E. Thompson. The E. was forever just a letter, and wasn’t fronting a name. A man so tall that he was always stooping through doorways, he’d never been in the military but he was as straight and hard as an iron fireplace poker.
Everyone agreed that Bent was as straight as anyone they’d ever met. Yet, after he passed, his swindles, frauds, and schemes started coming out like roaches sneaking out after the lights are turned off. It paralyzed people with disbelief. “Not Bent. Really? I don’t believe it. I’ll never believe it.”
Yet, the proof kept coming out. Funny enough, though, was the epitaph that Bent himself had chosen: “I’m Bent.”
Everyone was always wondering if it was a confession.
Michael Seidel, writer 