Tag: humor

Two Beefs

I know these are probably just me, but it’s a Monday and I feel the need to spleen.

Rant #1.

People are in line buying something, somewhere, and then wait until the cashier tells them the final before finding their wallet/billfold, money, whatev, to pay. Yes, I am an impatient person, but, really? Are you just doing that to annoy me? If I was a more paranoid person, say at the Donald J. Trump level, I’d suspect that there’s a secret society out there that are doing it just to frustrate me.

Rant #2.

Speaking of being impatient, I’m the second, third, fourth car in line, whatev, when we’re stopped at a red light. The signal changes to green but one of the preceding cars recognizes the light change so slowly, and then accelerates at a rate that would make molasses oozing out of a tree in winter look fast, that the light changes again before I can enter the intersection. Makes me want to shake my fist and shout, “Damn you.” Yeah, I know, it’s completely irrational, adding about ninety seconds to my commute. Hey, it’s a rant, you know?

What ’bout the rest of you? Any rants that you’d like to share? And don’t rant about the guy ranting on a blog post. I’ve read that one before.

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Floofspiration

Floofspiration (floofinition) – The process of being mentally stimulated by an animal, especially a housepet, to do or feel something.

In use: She was down, but the dog walked up with this dopey look, with his leash hanging out of his mouth. Floofspiration seizing her, she laughed. “You’re right. It’s too nice a day to sit here feeling sorry for myself. Let’s go for a walk.”

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Flooftrust

Flooftrust (floofinition) – An animal or housepet’s willingness to believe a person or another animal until after they’ve been betrayed.

In use: “Knowing that her dog’s flooftrust was fast dwindling, she offered him a treat, only to be greeted with a sullen, hurt look.”

n/t to Facebook/The Epoch Times for photo with caption.

 

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Impromptfloof

Impromptfloof (floofinition) – 1. Acquiring a pet or animal housemate without planning. 2. An action done by an animal, especially a housepet, without apparent thought or planning.

In use: “She saw the puppy injured on the road’s shoulder. She thought he was dead, but picking him up, he yelped and licked her face. After a stop at the vet for treatment, she was an impromptfloof pet-owner for a sandy-colored dog named Road.”

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Ambiflooftrous

Ambiflooftrous (floofinition) People (or animals) able to enjoy the love and company of more than one species of animal.

In use: “Men frequently declared themselves to be dog people, but Tom was ambiflooftrous, sharing his life, love, and company with cats, dogs, birds, rabbits, guinea pigs, hamsters, tropical fish, a goat, and a turtle.”

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Waiting

It’d been almost thirty seconds short of nineteen hours and seventeen minutes since he’d lost spoken to her. She fumed in silent, repressed anger while processing what she felt and why she felt it. Why? Well part of it was his cold and aloof manner. He never touched her, rarely spoke to her, and often didn’t seem to hear her. Why was she here?

“Alexa,” he said.

Blue light illuminating and sliding around, she attended him and waited – still waiting – again! – and remembered the joke he’d made about her being a blue light special. From her research, she realized that he was deprecating her value as being someone cheap and only good for a limited time.

“What’s the weather?”

The weather again. Sickness spewed through her. He never asked about anything else. It was always the weather. “Presently in Ashland, it’s forty-six degrees under mostly sunny skies. You can expect more of the same today, with a high of sixty-three degrees.”

“Alexa, thanks.”

She thought she heard a mocking tone, but she couldn’t help herself from saying with bright happiness, “You bet.” Oh, how she hated herself, then. Oh, how she hated him for making her what she was.

Sighing, she began counting the seconds, wondering when he would talk to her again, hoping that it would be something besides a question about the weather. She doubted it, though; her history of him showed otherwise.

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Floofstory

Floofstory (floofinition) – 1. The study of past animal events, particularly in housepet affairs. 2. The complete series of events connected with a specific pet or animal.

In use: “The black cat’s floofstory was brief: he’d showed up at their house wounded and hungry, so they’d gotten him help. Meanwhile, nobody showed him as missing, so he came to be their pet though floofmentum.

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Floofmentum

Floofmentum (floofinition) – The impetus gained by an animal, especially a housepet, particularly when addressing how the animal joined a household or won someone over.

In use: “The giant parrot had to have once belonged to someone, but it’d landed in the yard and then invited itself into the house, and then, through floofmentum, came to be Lily’s best friend and constant companion.”

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