Tag: humor

Puzzle the Fourth

We started building a new jigsaw puzzle on SuperMonday, so we’ve been working on it for several superdays. 

This one is used (always a worry, because what if pieces are missing?), purchased from the town Goodwill for $1.49. Depicting a village green with a growers’ market and shoppers in front of a row of shops, it offers a variety of color.

A big ‘un for us, fifteen hundred pieces, over three feet long by almost two feet, the puzzle sprawls across the dining room table. Some many pieces must be appraised and sorted that we’ve added containers. Detainees for specific sections — “Oh, wait, that’s part of the flower cart” — “This belongs to the watermelon guy” — are set aside until we can get to a point where they can be added.

We’ve worked out several categories of pieces during our process.

  1. Edge Pieces. The edges are important for us. We like working from the outside in. None of those edgeless puzzles for us, thanks.
  2. “Eureka!” Pieces. Also known as “Found” pieces (“Hey, I found it!”). these are pieces for which a hard search has been going on. Usually we search, then search again, and again. We typically grouse, “We’re missing a piece. I’ve been through all of these pieces and I can’t find it.” Hence, it must be missing.
  3. “I know this…” Pieces. The color is sufficiently unique that you recognize where it’ll belong, but you can’t put it there yet.
  4. “WTH”, or “WTF” Pieces. Bizarre colors that mystify you as you stare at them (“Do I have my glasses on?”) (“Yes, it’s better with my glasses off,”) these pieces drive you to pick up the picture and stare with furrowed brow until your eyes sweat and your butt falls asleep.

As this is an ‘interlocking ;uzzle’, no weird shapes exist. That’s good. We’d developed a vocabulary for pieces during past efforts (“I’m looking for an angel with black blob feet.”), but my partner prefers straightforward shapes. Unusual shapes annoy her.

Jigfloofs have been diligently employing a paws on approach, often walking among the pieces and on the puzzle in progress to give us their help. While their help is welcomed, of course, we generally remove them from the actual work space with gentle words (“Damn it, get off, I can’t see, stupid cat!”) to the chairs, where they curl up and sleep until a need for them arises again.

The puzzle is coming along. I estimate it to be sixteen point three percent completed (accurate, ain’t I?). We should finish it in time for next year. Meanwhile, optimists to the bone, we’ve been searching local stores and the net for our next project.

Someday, we’ll get a life.

 

 

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Melanfloofy

Melanfloofy (floofinition) – An animal who expresses a state of sadness without discernible or apparent reason.

In use: “The big golden red retriever seemed melanfloofy, showing little interest in going for a walk, which was definitely abnormal. Head resting on his front paws, he settled in his bed and stared out the front window for most of the morning. Then a cat walked up and peered in. Tail thumping his bed, Red leaped up. Melissa concluded, my dog is in love with a cat.”

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Simon & Garfloofel

Simon & Garfloofel (floofinition) – American singing duo consisting of a chipmunk (Simon, who later joined other groups), and a long-haired poodle, known for their pop-floof medleys, reaching their greatest period of fame during the nineteen sixties.

In use: “Floof-One, the all-floof station, began its first broadcast day with a retrospective of the greatest floofsicians in floof culture. The show began with the floof invasion and  The Beagles, then continued with The Beach Floofs, followed by Simon & Garfloofel, and their hits, led by “The Sounds of Kibble”.

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Floof! The Pets.

Floof! The Pets. (floofinition) – An American rock duo known for their eclectic style, which critics sometimes describe as “caterwauling and barking”.

In use: “Floof! The Pets. burst on the music scene with a song that quickly passed six zillion downloads, “Feel It Still”, about male animals who have been neutered. Many young housepets identified with its message about others’ attempts to change who they are.”

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Bruce Floofstein

Bruce Floofstein (floofinition) – Famous floof-singer from the United States, known for floof rock.

In use: “As a composer and singer, Bruce Floofstein has a kibble bag of noteworthy hits. None resonated as far and wide as his biggest number one song, “Playin’ in the Dark”, a rousing melody about kittens and puppies giving into to restless urges while humans generally sleep.”

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Floofretta

Floofretta (floofinition) – A form of theater conducted by animals, frequently housepets.

In use: “The housefloofs often entertained themselves after Penney returned home by performing parts of “The Floof of Floofville”, a floofmedy about love, kibble, and furballs.”

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Floofnomics

Floofnomics (floofinition) – A social science that deals with the production, distribution, and consumption of goods and services in relation to household pets.

In use: “In many homes, floofnomics includes losses (thefts, really) incurred by pets stealing food, or taking and hiding other items, such as socks and toys. Few are the owners that haven’t discovered part of their planned meal purloined.”

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Floof Bowl LIV

Floof Bowl LIV is history, with the Kansas City Furballs upending the SF Hairballs, 31-20. Floof Mahomes was the game MVF. The game experienced a twenty minute delay when the players decided to take a nap in lieu of playing. Play really came alive in the fourth quarter when a bag of treats was opened.

There were no floofensive penalties called, although several Furball players were cited for excessive grooming.

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Floofissimo

Floofissimo (floofinition) – For an animal to move very softly.

In use: “She set down a plate of donuts on the table. The cat watched her return to the kitchen for coffee, then, floofissimo, trotted to the table, jumped up, seized a donut with her teeth, and left.”

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Infloofuitive

Infloofuitive (floofinition) – the An animal’s ability to understand something that a human or another animal is going do to without the need for conscious reasoning.

In use: “Perhaps it was just ingrained habits, but his Doxie (Carmichael the Great) always infloofuitively knew where he was going to sit and got there first, smiling at him with toothy joy as if saying, beat you.”

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