Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Floofcard (floofinition) – 1. A greeting card or postcard decorated by animal images, likenesses, or caricatures.
In use: “Everyone knew he loved animals (especially dogs), so floofcards were given to him for every occasion.”
2. A greeting card presented to an animal as part of a celebration or recognition.
In use: “She knew it was silly, but her cat was twenty-one years old. A special meal and a floofcard acknowledging the day and achievement was the very least of what should be done.”
Floofager (floofinition) – An animal who seems to be ageless or timeless.
In use: “The miniature poodle remained a spirited floofager, roaming the house to find whatever was making a noise, inspecting the gardens, guarding the food, and checking everyone’s food to ensure it was safe.”
Many are familiar with St. Asphalta. Her origins began after motorized transportation such as cars were developed and grew popular. Although her exact heritage and origins are shrouded in exhaust gases, one popular belief attributes her early beginnings to the first automobile accident fatalities.
A benevolent god (she eschews being referred to as ‘goddess’ as an outmoded and unnecessary distinction based on gender), St. Asphalta is most associated with parking. People typically pray to her, sometimes making a sacrifice (such as buying her a beverage, such as coffee or tea) when they need a parking space.
But limiting St. Asphalta to parking overlooks the many ways this modern god can help. Did you know that St. Asphalta’s realms and powers extend beyond mere parking issues? St. Asphalta relates to everything involved with wheeled transportation and their systems, processes, and issues. For example, although you might be walking, St. Asphalta is the god to address when you’re crossing a street. She’s the one who’ll wake the drivers up and drive them to notice you and provide you with the right-of-way.
Likewise, St. Asphalta should be contacted for safety when there’s a traffic accident, or the one to appeal to for help during road construction, congestion, and traffic jams. Appeal to St. Asphalta when you have car troubles such as a flat tire, or your car has been stolen.
She’s a good god to know. Like a car, she doesn’t demand a lot, but she must be given her due. If she’s not given it, then, like a car, she’ll let you down just when you need her most.
Gackpage (floofinition) – A period of serial puking or regurgitating, particularly by a housepet in the early morning, usually while humans are still in bed.
In use: “They heard the gackpage happening and could discern from the sounds which animal it probably was, forcing them to walk carefully and watch the floor when they finally climbed out of bed. It was hard to do without coffee.”
With out mighty jigfloof’s assistance, we completed the cat and book puzzle. Quite a pleasure, challenging and satisfying.
Floof-particle (floofinition) – The smallest unit of distinct and identifiable matter of an animal.
In use: “Floof-particles exist as imaginary dark matter, and is thought to be everywhere, leading to the Fur Theory, a proposal that all chemical elements are manifested from previously shed animal fur.”
Floofsecond (floofinition) – A span of time involving animals that seems beyond measure but is amazingly fast and probably involves quantum entanglements.
In use: “The dog seemed old, ambling about the house like a lost shadow, but when a can was opened, he showed up at her feet in a floofsecond, eyes bright and tail wagging.”
Floofmail (floofinition) 1. An animal’s attempt to influence a person’s actions via affection or threats.
In use: “Deciding to resort to floofmail, the kitten started hissing and spitting, but the woman continued washing the little feline, ridding its tiny body of ticks, fleas, dirt, and grease.”
2. Traditional or electronic mail devoted to subjects and news about animals.
In use: “As he grew more concerned about the environment, he signed up for greater numbers of newsletters about animal rescue organizations. Floofmail soon dominated his daily correspondence.”
3. Mail delivered by an animal to its people.
In use: “Every day, the retriever greeted the mail carrier, ate a treat that was offered, and then accepted and delivered it to the bedridden man, which always earned him another treat, proving floofmail’s value in the digital age.”
Floofmencement (floofinition) – An act, instance, or time of beginning an experience with, or engaging with, an animal.
In use: “With many people, floofmencement began with looking into an animal’s eyes. From in there, people grasped love, pain, sadness, hope, among other emotions, and took it on themselves to be with and help this creature.”
Michael Seidel, writer 