Tag: fur theory

Floofiverse

Floofiverse (floofinition) – Totality of existence, as far as an animal is concerned.

In use: “The dog’s floofiverse began and ended with his yard and his people, although his floofiverse expanded and contracted as his humans took him for rides and walks, which was great, as long as he was with them.”

2. A cosmological model supporting the Fur Theory, which holds that all matter is created from fur and hair shed by animals.

In use: “Keri was dubious of the Fur Theory and the idea of a Floofiverse — which, according to Floofology, held that the universe and its matter was a subset of the Floofiverse created as something to occupy human’s attention, sort of like a bell inside a plastic ball — but she was beginning to be a believer. It certainly seemed like everything was made of cat and dog hair, she thought, on her knees, cleaning animal fur from her carpet, which she had just done yesterday.”

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Floof-particle

Floof-particle (floofinition) – The smallest unit of distinct and identifiable matter of an animal.

In use: “Floof-particles exist as imaginary dark matter, and is thought to be everywhere, leading to the Fur Theory, a proposal that all chemical elements are manifested from previously shed animal fur.”

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Fur Theory

Fur Theory (catfinition) – an obscure theoretical framework in which the basis for all matter is strands of loose fur. The theory describes how these strands of fur exist first in dark matter, becoming visible as they interact with visible electromagnetic radiation. The theory holds that cat and dog fur that people frequently see in their homes is new baryonic matter that has transitioned from dark matter.

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Catmology

From the Human word cat and -logia, study of, we have catmology.

Catmology was originally the study of cats. However, in more recent popular culture, catmology has come to be accepted as the theory that the universe is cat-centric.

Evidence of this developing trend is on display in the world wide web and Internet. Cat rescues, cat love, photos of cats being cats, seem to be at the forefront, fighting with ‘real news’, such as the Superbowl, lessor sports information like baseball, cricket and football scores, fashion trends or if the POTUS knows how to read, to dominate our interests.

It certainly seems plausible that cats started the Big Bang. Something was sitting there and along came a cat. “Hey,” said the cat, “what’ll happen if I knock this over?” So they did. Bang. Then they probably rolled around in it a bit.

Some will point out inconsistencies in this theory. How can cats be there when there was nothing else except hot, dense matter? Catmologists will admit, they don’t know, but will counter, it’s quite possible that a cat managed it somehow. Cats have long defied every other law of special and normal physics. If any creature can tear or slip through the space-time fabric, it’s probably a cat. In a personal aside, I believe it was a ginger cat. They’re always getting into trouble.

In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised to someday learn that physicists changed the string theory to the fur theory. Cat fur seems to be everywhere. Revealing it as the most fundamental aspect of our reality seems like a no-brainer.

 

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