List of Grievances

I presented my Festivus list of grievances to my beer buddies the other night. Although the grievances are supposed to be personal and about the people present, I had a general list, and I took a humorous, provocative approach.

One of my items that generated much discussion was the hacked butt plug. I know that I’m not part of the demographics of people that use butt plugs, so I don’t know much about them. I also didn’t know that they could be hacked, or why others would want to do that. Still, it’s part of a larger world that I don’t get, not because I’m over sixty, but because the shit people do is alien to what I think of as fun. Besides hacking butt plugs and other smart sex toys, a term called screwdriving (hah!), I don’t get people doxxing others, or eating Tide pods, or catfishing. Yes, I understand the intellectual reasons behind people doing things, just like people doing weird shit when I was a kid, but those things didn’t appeal to me then, either. Being a writer, though, is about trying to understand, looking into people, thinking about their motivation and the impact of what they do has on them and their lives. So, I explore…

While mentioning the butt plugs the other night, over half present reacted, “Why would you want to know more about butt plugs?” But others were like me, saying, “How can you not want to know more?”

You see there the sprawl of human differences. Some invent butt plugs. Others use them. Another group hacks them. Someone else shies away from knowing about them. Someone else writes about them, and others read and talk about them.

It’s a wild, wild life that’s teeming with diversity. It makes it a much more interesting world.

At least, to me.

Flooftivus

Flooftivus (floofinition) – annual secular holiday that housepets established to celebrate living with people. The holiday, observed over a nine-day period, is structured to include auspicious routines. These include days dedicated to vomiting, washing and grooming, napping, gorging, dashing around the dwelling, shedding hair, hiding, shredding objects, and being needy. The holiday culminates with a visit by Santa Paws, and the giving of gifts.

In use: “Although he loved his pets, he dreaded Floofivus. The Day of Vomiting was not fun, but The Giving of Gifts struck him as worse.”

 

2017 List of Grievances

Well, another season of Festivus has come and gone. I compiled a top ten list of my grievances. Many more grievances were out there, but this is what I aired to my friends and family.

Some of these reflect inside jokes. Just go with it.

Seidel’s Grievances 2017

TEN – Too many wildfires, not enough snow.

NINE – Too early for David Bowie, Tom Petty, and so many, many others.

EIGHT – Growing old sucks, but the alternatives suck, too. See number nine.

SEVEN – Injustice, harassment, and inequality all suck, and there was too much of it in 2017.

SIX – WAR – what is it good for?

FIVE – The next season of Game of Thrones is taking FOREVER.

FOUR – I forgot to get up when I peed last night.

THREE – My cats are smarter than anyone in the WH, have more empathy, and better manners.

TWO – Animal and child abusers deserve a special hell. So do trophy hunters.

ONE – All my beer and wine keep turning to urine.

And, as a special note, its limitations make WordPress exhausting to use sometimes.

I think, after reflecting on the list, that 2017 sucked for a lot of us. That could be its theme. So if we have a ball to see off 2017, the theme of the ball should be 2017 Sucked. Don’t know what that decor would resemble. Honestly don’t want to contemplate it too much, either.

By the way, I didn’t forget to get up when I peed last night. Just wanted to see if you were paying attention.

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