Tag: dog

Floofbush

Floofbush (floofinition) – a surprise attack by pets lying in wait in a concealed position.

In use: “As a kitten, he became a floofbush expert. No tail, toe, foot, or finger was safe, and everyone, human and animal, were acceptable targets. Once he was an expert, he didn’t want to give it up, so every guest was warned on entering, “The cat will probably get you, but don’t worry. He’s just playing.” Still, though warned, more than one person jumped, shrieked, or shouted, which seemed to please the cat.”

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Floofversation

Floofversation (floofinition) – an informal talk between one or more people and  their pets.

In use: “Each morning as he fed the cats and dogs, they had a floofversation about the weather, the book he was reading, and the news. The animals tended to agree with him, which he interpreted as evidence of their intelligence.”

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Absofloofly

Absofloofly (floofinition) – with no qualification, restriction, or limitation on what the housepets are permitted to do or go.

In use: “In an absofloofly dominated home, it’s not surprising to find dogs asleep on sofas, cats preening on tables or exploring kitchen counters, or a person trapped by their beds in their bed.”

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Distal Floof

Distal Floof (floofinition) – in floofology, the housepet farthest away from where a human is seated is the distal floof, and the housepet that’s closest to hand is known as he proximal floof.

In use: “If Meg was alone, Callie was a distal floof and Jade was the proximal floof, but as soon as company appeared, Jade disappeared and Callie assumed the position of proximal floof.”

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Floofbivalent

Floofbivalent (floofinition) – having or showing simultaneous and contradictory attitudes or feelings toward your pet(s).

In use: “Finding that whenever and wherever he sat, from commode and bed to living room, dining room, and office chairs, a cat or dog would immediately hunt for his lap, he was becoming floofbivalent about sharing his life with pets. But then they’d do something, and the floofbivalent would fade away.”

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Exfloofmation

Exfloofmation (floofinition) – a sudden cry or remark, especially expressing surprise, anger, or pain, in connection that a pet has done; a sudden noise, expressing surprise, anger, or pain, made by a pet.

In use: “Seeing the vomit, he said, “Not again,” in exfloofmation, only to hear his dog release an exfloofmation in the other room that sounded like he was in pain.”

 

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Aide-de-Floof

Aide-de-Floof (floofinition) – a person who assists housepets by giving them their medicine, feeding them, cleaning up after them, and playing with them.

In use: “His position as aide-de-floof sometimes required him to interrupt his sleep at four in the morning to let a cat into the house, or feed one of them, which, naturally, meant that they would all be fed.”

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INGIT

INGIT (sometimes spelled as INGIFT) (floofinition) – floof acronym that means “I’m not going in there,” or alternatively, “I’m not going in fuckin’ there.” INGIFT is often used to make a more strenuous point.

In use: “Seeing the bathtub of water, the dog barked, “INGIT!” Spinning away, he raced to the closet to hide.”

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Floofoween

Floofoween (floofinition) – annual holiday when people dress up their pets and request tricks in exchange for treats. It often doesn’t go well.

In use: “Having dressed his black cat in a devil’s outfit for Floofoween, Teddy kept trying to coax the cat into doing tricks in exchange for treats, but he set the bag of treats down, and Sebastian the cat seized it with its teeth and dashed into another room and under the bed with his prize.”

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Floofragette

Floofragette (floofinition) – housepet who campaigns for equal rights for the animals.*

In use: “A true floofragette, the beagle was forever campaigning for equal rights and treatments by aping the humans’ activities, like jumping into the bath with them, sleeping beside them on the bed, and sitting at a chair at the dinner table for meals. They became convinced that he thought he considered himself human, not realizing that he knew he was a dog, but saw no reason for him to be treated differently than them.”

 

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