Floofporal(floofinition) – 1. Relating to animal affairs as opposed to spiritual or worldly matters.
In use: “Though there were bills to pay, housework to do, and errands to run, Keri gave more attention to floofporal matters like walking the dog or brushing the cat’s fur.”
2. Time as related to animals.
In use: “The Floofporal Port allowed animals to travel anywhere in time within a specified period, according to their Human Index Relationship Rating (HIRR). For example, dinosaurs, with a few modern exceptions, were not allowed to visit, say, 2022 San Francisco, while cats and dogs could and did zip back and forth between periods, often visiting the same person in a different life again and again.”
Today is Thursday, February 17, 2022. A few sketchy cloud islands keep the sky from achieving a perfect blue. A robust sun brought the light and heat at 7:05 AM. Temperatures have climbed quickly. It’s 46 F now and we expect a high of 61 F before the Earth’s spin steals the sun from our sector at 5:46 PM.
I’m feeling a little off today. Not sick or anything. Just behind on my routines. Explanation:
I have a young ginger cat. We’ll call him Trouble, which is not his real name, but I want to protect his privacy. After going out at two AM and coming back in at two twenty (it was a cold night, about 29 F), At 5:42 AM, Trouble woke me again with his song of his need to leave again, to be wild and free, outside. I let him out and used the bathroom. While in there, the sick cat asked for food. “Okay, I’ll feed you, baby,” I said. I had a can open for him, got him the food, and settled back into bed.
Or tried. Tucker, the house’s Prime Floof, had taken over my spot and was purring like a revving motocycle. I tried shifting him, but cats can multiply their body weight by over one thousand percent at will, and I couldn’t budge him. I had to reconfigure myself and my space.
That was when Trouble came knocking to come back in.
I let Trouble in. He proceeded to tell off sick cat. I provided sick cat with another helping of food. 6:15. Back to bed. A few minutes later, sick cat began beating his water bowl and complaining. I got up to address his issue. Water bowl was empty. But I’d just filled it last night —
“Yeah, whatever,” reality said, “it’s empty now.” I refilled the water bowl. Went back to bed.
Trouble arrived. Could I please let him out, OMG, it’s so important that I let him out now.
AAARGH.
I let Trouble out and lectured him about what he was doing to me. Returned to bed. Drifted to sleep reflecting on remembered dreams.
Guess who came knocking to come back in?
It was now eight. I’m usually up by now but I felt exhausted. I began exercising, which will usually stir up enough blood movement to reach the point that I can get to the kitchen, make coffee, and resuscitate my heart. “More sleep,” my body whispered with seductive tones. “You got it,” my brain replied, because he’s such a pushover.
Back to bed I went and did not get up until ten AM.
When I saw the time, my brain shrieked, “Ten AM! OMG. I’m in bed so late.” My body replied. “So? You don’t work. You have no employment. What difference does it make?”
“I still have things to do,” I reply with royal indignation, “like drink coffee, for example.”
“And feed cats,” sick cat said.
I have a song, “Uprising” by Muse in the morning mental music stream. I did it as a theme song not long ago and don’t want to repeat it today. That forced me to find another song. Nothing was coming to mind. The neurons finally started circulating “Cradle Of Love” by Billy Idol (1990). “Why?” I asked the neurons. “Because we like it,” they said, then went on with petulance, “Why not?”
Right. Why not.
Stay positive, test negative, wear a mask as needed, and get the vax and boosters when you’re able. Here’s the music. I’m crawling into the kitchen for some coffee. Cheers
Bossfl’f(floofinition) – Animal slang for the alpha or lead member of a group.
In use: “All the house cats and dogs knew the female in the house was the bossfl’f, so they mostly ignored what the man and children said, unless a treat was offered.”
Floofcam(floofinition) – 1. Camera which animals set up to spy on others or monitor activities.
In use: “Remy needed to keep checking on what his human was doing in the bathroom because his floofcam wasn’t sending any images. Turned out that the human had moved the little toy ball where Remy housed the camera.”
2. Camera humans use to monitor animals or their activities.
In use: “Many people establish kitten rooms, puppy rooms, or foster rooms, to help in their activities, and like to use a floofcam to keep track of what the animals are doing, which they’ll often also stream to the web.”
Floofipedia(floofinition) – Online content created, maintained, and accessed by animals on the Floofnet. Many animals refer to Floofipedia to verify information, find useful health information, or search for tips for cohabitating with other species.
In use: “When animals became pets, they had to be careful about accessing the Floofnet around Humans, but the entries on Floofipedia provided amazing insights into how to train Humans, and were a must for any animal adopting a new Human, especially a rescue.”
Floofjitsu(floofinition) – An animal’s art of fighting employing holds, throws, jumping, tumbling, and paralyzing blows to subdue or disable an opponent.
In use: “Many young animals are taught floofjitsu at an early age but often dropped the subject as they mature because the animal finds it more fun to just sleep, eat, and be pampered.”
Tuesday’s sun is full of light and makes the day unseemly bright. Daylight kicked in at oh seven sixteen, sending night fleeing like misbehaving children. Temperatures were coldish, 35 at dawn, but has kicked up to 41 and will go on up to the mid-sixties again before sunlight flees just as the night did, at seventeen thirty-four.
Today’s song is out of a feline interaction. One floof habitually sleeps by my head at night. A second came a-calling in the pre-dawn minutes, snugging himself against my legs. I reached down and scratched his head, receiving purrs in the return. As this transpired, I asked him if he’d gotten cold in the dark, which brought up the Billy Squier song, “In the Dark” from 1981. Friends were huge Squier fans. His music seemed to play whenever I rode with them in the car later in the eighties when we lived in Germany. This song, “The Stroke”, and “Everybody Wants You” were frequent members of my friends’ playlists, so I came to know the songs well. I haven’t seen those folks since 1999 but I see and hear them as soon as one of those three songs play. The power of music, yeah?
Stay positive, test negative, wear a mask as needed, and get the vax and boosters when possible. Here’s the music. I’m off for coffee. Don’t wait for me. Just play the song. I’ve already heard it. Cheers
Michael Seidel, writer 