Floofumentary (floofinition) – A presentation (such as a film or novel) expressing or dealing with animals.
In use: “Popular floofumentaries include Benji, Babe, The Lion King, and 101 Dalmatians.
The White House Extravaganza Dream
The White House Extravaganza Dream was long, detailed, and complicated as a Game of Thrones season. It’d take too long time and words to recount it completely, so I’m offering a few bullets.
- I was in my mid-twenties. My wife and I were staying a luxurious mini-suite. We were discussing where to go eat when we remembered, “Oh, wait, we have the White House today.”
- She and I were one of several hundreds on the tour. My family and brothers-in-law were on it, too. As an interesting side, they were their current ages while I was young.
- The White House wasn’t the familiar edifice. I never saw the outside, but the inside was an extensive complex. Furniture and carpets were in cranberry hues.
- Guides were always around, answering our questions, leading us into new halls and places, explaining things, and watching after us. The guides were all dressed in cranberry-colored slacks and vests, with long-sleeved light-blue shirts. The senior guide was an elegant female person of color.
- They fed us a lot during the tour. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks. I ended up declining food. After eating one meal, they offered us smoothies. I turned them down because I was too full. I was amazed that others took them.
- I didn’t meet the POTUS but the Secret Service stopped a small group of us because the POTUS was in the room. A slender, bald person of color, the POTUS he wore a dark cranberry suit, speaking about jazz while getting his shoes shined. When he finished, he waved to us and walked away down another hall. We were all very excited and pleased to see him.
- We’d also gone on the White House water park rides. They showed us slides and videos of us on the different rides, laughing and having fun.
- At one point on the tour, as we were being escorted from one hall to another, a young white man called me out and stopped me. Introducing himself as a WH aide, he provided me with a business card. Before giving it to me, he turned it over and wrote in pen. He said, “That’s a code to reach me any time that you need help or want anything. Just call the number and give them the code, and they’ll put you through.” I was amused. I couldn’t imagine what help I would need from the WH. No one else received such a card to my knowledge.
- Toward the end, I needed to use the restroom and stopped at the underground WH gas station. (Yeah, ns.) I was first to arrive of five men. The room was occupied. We were not in line but standing apart. Although I was first, I let the others go ahead of me. While there, a man had a large four-wheel drive Ford pickup. Jacked up, with huge tires on chrome wheels, it was painted glossy red. He had a panel on the bed raised. I looked inside and saw an orderly line of transfer cases and differentials. While I was baffled why he had so many, the layout impressed me. “But where is the engine?” I asked, even though I knew it was a pick-up truck, the engine should be in the front. But I spotted it in the back, a huge black and chrome unit.
- At one point in the WH dream tour, I noticed the carpet had tiles made to look like shoes. I then discovered that these included outlines of my family members’ shoes. They were enormous, much larger than my shoes. I laughed at that.
The dream was livelier than these words portrayed. I felt energetic and lifted when it ended. Its sharpness and details amazed me.
Floof Shui
Floof Shui (floofinition) – Traditional practice that animals use to arrange themselves for the best energy flow.
In use: “Parent animals quickly teach their offspring floof shui, noting, for example, that for many, the best sleeping position is to curl up in a tight ball with their head upside down.”
Timefloof
Timefloof (floofinition) – 1. An animal who is consistent about their activities.
In use: “Barb has little need for an alarm clock because her little black cat was a timefloof who woke her every morning at 5:55 AM with food demands.”
2. Ancient race of extraterrestrial animals who have command of time travel.
In use: “Pets sometimes disappear and reappear without people knowing where the animals were, because either the animal is a Timefloof, or they’ve been traveling with a Timefloof as their companion.”
Floofy Sapient
Floofy Sapient (floofinition) – 1. A wise animal, or an animal who appears wise.
In use: “Many times think their pets seem seem floofy sapient in the way that their eyes drink in human behavior.”
2. A person who is knowledgeable about animal behavior, needs, treatment, or care.”
In use: “Often someone is called a ‘horse whisperer’ or ‘dog whisperer’, when they’re really floofy sapient from being caring and patient with animals.”
Subfloof
Subfloof (floofinition) – 1. A physical object underneath an animal.
In use: “They knew the remote was subfloof again because the dog started moving around in her sleep and the channels began changing.”
2. Food or behavior that’s considered beneath an animal’s dignity.
In use: “Trying to entice the cat back into the house, he opened a can of food and called the cat, who sat down, watching him, clearly deciding that falling for such tricks was subfloof.”
Flooflord
Flooflord (floofinition) – 1. A person with a lot of animals.
In use: “With five cats, three birds, two lizards, and four dogs, many of her neighbors considered Libby to be a flooflord.”
2. Animal who rules other animals and humans.
In use: “Despite a household with three large dogs and two mature cats (and four children and two adults), the new kitten was the flooflord without a week, manipulating others with cuteness, sweetness, and cussedness.”
3. (slang) Person who constantly posts or comments about animals on the net.
In use: “Bryan couldn’t help himself from being a flooflord because his two cats and one dog were just so dang cute and smart, he was constantly sharing pet stories and photos on the net.”
Fingerfloof
Fingerfloof (floofinition) – An animal obsessed with fingers.
In use: “He and the cat had shared a house for five years but it was only since the pandemic enforced staying at home that the cat had become a fingerfloof, seeking them while he slept in bed at night, read a book on a chair, or — the worst because it was the most intrusive — nuzzling his fingers when they rested on the mouse as he worked.”
Michael Seidel, writer 