Tag: Cat

The Thinking

The cat had gone out during the night, but it was necessary to lock the petdoor behind him because the raccoons had figured out how to use it, and weren’t shy about coming into the house.

Now that the sun was shining, it was time to eat, and the big black cat wanted in. Removing the petdoor, the man lifted the flap and said, “Come on in, big guy.”

Responding with a light meow, the big cat put its front paws in and luxuriated in an extended stretch. As he ended the stretch, he began moving through the opening and into the house when he stopped. Staring, he emitted a disapproving meow.

The man looked back. Another of his cats was a few feet back in the room. The two had never gotten along. While they no longer fought with tooth and claw, they avoided one another’s presence and vocalized their dislike. In short, the black cat was not coming into the house with that other one in the room.

“Fine,” the man said with exasperation, releasing the pet door flap. “You can come in on your own, you stupid cat.”

It was so maddening that the two cats behaved these way, even after three years of living in the same house. He didn’t know what he was going to do about it.

In the meantime, he’d go check the mail. Glancing out the window, he saw a neighbor heading for the mail boxes.

He groaned. Peggy. He could not stand her. Her political views were…well, they were seriously crazy. Checking the time, he decided, he’d just sit down and wait until the other one went away.

Sighing as he sat, he thought, the world sure had become a complicated place.

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Floofkin

Floofkin (floofinition) – an animal with a bright orange color or markings that resembles a pumpkin; an indulgent nickname for a pet.

In use: “”Hey floofkin,” he said as the bright orange tabby ran up to him. Its tail was straight up except for a crook at the end. “Want something to eat?”

“”Mew,” the kitty replied, rubbing against the man’s leg.”

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Cofloofitate

Cofloofitate (floofinition) – to share a place with pets; pets of different species sharing a dwelling.

In use: “Cofloofitating with dogs, cats, and birds, he was surprised by their demonstrated intelligence and compassion. They comforted not only him when he was sick or sad, but watched over one another, too.”

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Floofbush

Floofbush (floofinition) – a surprise attack by pets lying in wait in a concealed position.

In use: “As a kitten, he became a floofbush expert. No tail, toe, foot, or finger was safe, and everyone, human and animal, were acceptable targets. Once he was an expert, he didn’t want to give it up, so every guest was warned on entering, “The cat will probably get you, but don’t worry. He’s just playing.” Still, though warned, more than one person jumped, shrieked, or shouted, which seemed to please the cat.”

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Floofversation

Floofversation (floofinition) – an informal talk between one or more people and  their pets.

In use: “Each morning as he fed the cats and dogs, they had a floofversation about the weather, the book he was reading, and the news. The animals tended to agree with him, which he interpreted as evidence of their intelligence.”

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Absofloofly

Absofloofly (floofinition) – with no qualification, restriction, or limitation on what the housepets are permitted to do or go.

In use: “In an absofloofly dominated home, it’s not surprising to find dogs asleep on sofas, cats preening on tables or exploring kitchen counters, or a person trapped by their beds in their bed.”

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Distal Floof

Distal Floof (floofinition) – in floofology, the housepet farthest away from where a human is seated is the distal floof, and the housepet that’s closest to hand is known as he proximal floof.

In use: “If Meg was alone, Callie was a distal floof and Jade was the proximal floof, but as soon as company appeared, Jade disappeared and Callie assumed the position of proximal floof.”

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Floofbivalent

Floofbivalent (floofinition) – having or showing simultaneous and contradictory attitudes or feelings toward your pet(s).

In use: “Finding that whenever and wherever he sat, from commode and bed to living room, dining room, and office chairs, a cat or dog would immediately hunt for his lap, he was becoming floofbivalent about sharing his life with pets. But then they’d do something, and the floofbivalent would fade away.”

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Exfloofmation

Exfloofmation (floofinition) – a sudden cry or remark, especially expressing surprise, anger, or pain, in connection that a pet has done; a sudden noise, expressing surprise, anger, or pain, made by a pet.

In use: “Seeing the vomit, he said, “Not again,” in exfloofmation, only to hear his dog release an exfloofmation in the other room that sounded like he was in pain.”

 

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Aide-de-Floof

Aide-de-Floof (floofinition) – a person who assists housepets by giving them their medicine, feeding them, cleaning up after them, and playing with them.

In use: “His position as aide-de-floof sometimes required him to interrupt his sleep at four in the morning to let a cat into the house, or feed one of them, which, naturally, meant that they would all be fed.”

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