Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Floofdrant (floofinition) – A room or space divided by housepets for their use.
In use: “A floofdrant was always created along the same lines, with the older male cats taking to the easy chairs, the dogs on the sofa, and the female cat on the humans’ favorite leather recliner.”
Afloofpriate (floofinition) – When an animal, especially a houspet, acquires something for its own use or consumption.
In use: “She planned to have a nice butter croissant with apricot preserves for breakfast but her dog was faster, afloofpriating the warm food and gobbling it up as soon as she set the plate down.”
Dilfloofpidated (floofinition) – furniture, rugs, carpets, and other household items rendered into partial ruin through a pet’s or pets’ activities.
In use: “Often, an outward sign that a pet resides within a house are dilfloofpidated screens.”
Snowfloof (floofinition) – 1. Animal who is fond of being in the snow. 2. Snow sculpture of an animal.
In use: “The little princess, Her Most Serene Highness – yes, that’s her acquired name – wasn’t a snowfloof, oh, no, not at all, venturing out once. With each step, she shook her her paws from that disgusting stuff on her tiny paws. Within two feet, she’d realized it was falling from the sky and landing on her, and no amount of licking was resolving the problem. Well, that was it. She bolted right back into the house, cleaned herself off, and glared death at the sky for betraying her with this falling wet stuff and hiding her sunshine.”
Keyfloof (floofinition) – 1. Pet(s) or animals who insist on sleeping on computer keyboards or typewriters. 2. Pet who likes to steal and hide keys. 3. Pet who is given paramount consideration when any plans are being made.
In use: “It started with cat as a kitten. He was a keyfloof at three weeks old. It was so cute, that they permitted it to continue. Next, the parrot made it a habit to land and strut on the keyboard. Then the dog started trying to be a keyfloof – all seventy-two pounds of him.”
Thrufloof (floofinition) – Pet(s) who insist on being in the middle of whatever is going on, forcing everyone to go around them or work around them.
In use: “Whether by nature or association, all three pets were thrufloofs, with the beagle eagerly inspecting every piece of mail, bag, box, and shoe that came in, with the cats right alongside him, forcing everyone to walk carefully, lest a paw or tail get stepped on.”
Flooftina (floofinition) – 1. A cafe or that caters to animals. 2. Slang for a home or household that caters to animals, particularly housepets. 3. The wear, tear, scratches, and rubbings that accumulate when pets live in a home.
In use: “A gentle flooftina — dark rubbings by a door jamb, clawed fabric on the sofa’s corner, scratch marks from a running animal on a hardwood floor — was evidence of that animals lived there. Indeed, three were asleep on furniture in the sunshine, partially raising their heads with drowsy to see who was looking at them.”
Flooftone (floofinition) – The sound device, practice, or methodology employed by a housepet to get others’ attention or put forward demands.
In use: “Danny the Yorkie believed in going to bed at ten, and if he was ready, everyone else needed to go, a decision announced by his flooftone: a single sharp bark once a minute at the bedroom door until everyone went to bed.”
Unflooftested (floofinition) – Objects, locations, or people who have never been exposed to animals once they’ve been acquired as new.
In use: “She worried about her new black sweater and how it would fare; Kathryn had two cats and one dog, and the sweater was unflooftested.”
He knew their faces, knew them well,
saw them every day.
When they weren’t present on their appointed time,
he always wondered about their fate.
They never looked at him,
when he was looking at them,
and never shared a sound;
not hello, good-bye, or how’s the weather,
their lips were sealed against verbs and nouns.
They were his daily companions,
he knew them well,
saw them every day,
and knew the gulf between him and them,
and wondered why it wouldn’t go away.
Michael Seidel, writer 