That sums it up. In reflection, it ends up like a lot of issues, addictions, and problems. You’re trapped by the tensions of what you want to do, need to do, and can’t do.
Google Search Image Lesson Learned
He’d discovered a small stone in his sandal during his evening walk. He tried dislodging it through contortions that involved kicking. He knew he could remove the sandal and get rid of the stone. He didn’t do that. Instead, as the stone inflicted a more painful moment on a toe, he complained, “Is there anything worse than a stone in your shoe?”
“Maybe,” he replied to himself. “A hair in your soup?”
“That’s not worse.”
“Okay. A shot in the head. Getting stabbed in the heart.”
“I get your point.”
“Acid thrown on your face. Your throat slit. Being set on fire.”
“That’s enough.”
“Starving to death. Dying of thirst. Suffocating. Drowning.”
“Enough!”
He fell silent. That would teach him to talk to himself.
Life Poetry
Moving singing walking dancing choking sleeping eating
Thinking breathing hearing feeling seeing
We hunt the rhythm and listen for the chords
Trying to do the things that need done
To keep what we need
Get what we want
And strive for what we hope for
Kisses go unfelt
Words fade unspoken
Skin is left untouched
And dreams wither
But we go on
Because there’s too much time left to stop
Blowhard
Pedantic blowhard
Speaks and speaks,
And speaks and speaks,
And speaks, and speaks, and speaks,
And speaks.
She can’t be stopped.
eMan
He’s an eMan, plugging in every day to learn what he knows, useless as a truncated URL without his plug-in.
Scratchnature
Scratchnature (Catfinition): Like a signature, a feline’s style of scratching at a surface, such as a door, to draw attention and be let in or out, is unique, and announces their identity to those who know them.
Eclipse Guidelines
Jim, one of my fellow SOBs and BOBs (Sons of BOBs, and Brains on Beer, respectively), came up with these helpful Eclipse Guidelines. I thought they hold some important points, so I share them with the rest of the world. Cheers
I wish to alert you that there may be an eclipse planned for next week.
On Aug. 21, the United States, having won a bidding war against Qatar for the rights, will host a total solar eclipse. To help you get maximum enjoyment from this rare celestial event with minimal injury or death, here’s an eclipse Q&A:
Q. What causes a total eclipse to happen?
A. The best way to understand it is to imagine that the Earth is a cantaloupe, and the moon is a grape. The grape travels in a circular path (technically called a “trajectory”) around the cantaloupe, while at the same time the cantaloupe travels around a flaming basketball representing the sun. Once in a great while, the grape reaches a certain point (the “hypotenuse”) that causes it to cast an unusually harsh shadow (the “penumbra”) and the resulting reduction in temperature extinguishes the basketball, thus plunging the cantaloupe into total darkness.
Q. So you’re saying that during an eclipse the sun actually goes out?
A. Only for a few minutes. It usually comes back.
Q. What if it rains on Aug. 21?
A. The eclipse will be held the following Monday.
Q. What if the Russians hack the eclipse?
A. Trump has already prepared a strong retaliatory tweet containing, according to a White House source, “very few punctuation errors.”
Q. How can I tell if I am in the path of the eclipse?
A. Look outside. If you see strangers parked on your lawn, you are in the path.
Q. What will I experience during the eclipse?
A. It will get dark.
Q. Seriously?
A. Yes.
Q. That’s IT? Where I live that happens every night.
A. Perhaps so, but in an eclipse, after it gets dark, it — prepare for some celestial excitement — gets light again!
Q. Wow.
A. Yes! Isn’t it amazing?
Q. I was being sarcastic. You’re telling me millions of people are traveling long distances and paying insane hotel rates just to see it get dark?
A. In some areas there will also be wine tastings.
Q. What safety measures should I take when viewing the eclipse?
A. Safety experts strongly recommend that you wear steel-tipped shoes, a hard hat and ear protection. Also you should remain indoors in an uncomfortable crouch until the “all clear” has sounded.
Q. If I remain indoors, how can I view the eclipse?
A. Safety experts do not consider that to be their problem.
Q. Will the eclipse cause any unusual phenomena to occur?
A. Yes. Scientists tell us that during the eclipse UPS trucks will appear to be green, microwave ovens will actually make food colder, and any Starbucks beverage with a name ending in “ino” will spontaneously explode. Also all of the television sets on Earth, even those that are turned off, will simultaneously show the same “My Pillow” commercial. In the natural world, birds will migrate up and down instead of horizontally. Whales will suddenly question whether they really like plankton, or just eat it because it’s available. Certain breeds of dog may develop a primitive sense of sarcasm. Also herds of cattle have been known to spontaneously re-enact the rumble scene from “West Side Story.” All of these phenomena are perfectly normal and nothing to be concerned about, according to top eclipse scientists, who incidentally will be spending Aug. 21 in a mountain bunker in Peru.
Q. What about the religious groups who are claiming that this eclipse will trigger the end of the world?
A. Safety experts note that this is yet another argument for remaining indoors.
Murder Mittens Inc.
Murder Mittens… the perfect catfinition and use are presented on Samantha’s post.
She Thought / He Thought
“I stayed in a beautiful home,” she said. “You could tell it belonged to a single woman by its decor.”
“How?”
“Well, like the pillows on the bed. She had thirteen pillows on the bed.”
“How does that indicate it belonged to a single woman?”
“Because another woman would say, “Oh, thirteen pillows, how lovely.” A man would say, “Why do you have thirteen pillows?”
Well, she had him there; it was what he’d been thinking.
