Floofcular (catfinition) – round sleeping position favored by many house pets.
In use: “The little black-pawed cat was often discovered in a floofcular in a living room or closet corner.”
Tunnel Thoughts
Mutterings of a harsh and mean nature whipped around him. All of it wasn’t about him, although that omniscient and omnipotent unseen ‘they’ kept forking him more than anything else.
Although he’d been going straight, a tunnel had swerved over him. Light became dark, up became down, and all became meaningless, a perfect mood, if you’re in an abused porta-potty — which he wasn’t, although, “in his mind,” quote, unquote, everything that he touched was shit, as was, in fact, everything that he’d ever done or had tried to do, and the world was hastening down the sluice, so, Good God, what’s the fucking use?
The obvious remained a quicksilver truth until he saw, damn, this is where I’m at. Make no sudden moves and keep your words to yourself. Be wary of the tunnel animals. They’re real and they’re not, but their teeth and claws are sharp. Keep going as straight as you can. The tunnel will swerve again.
It did, pouring him into sunshine on a smoked-filled day, letting him breath again, even though the air was polluted with particulates. Just been that time again, when he was going through a tunnel.
Floofvalanche
Floofvalanche (catfinition) – a mass of furry house pets rapidly piling onto something or someone, frequently referenced as a catvalanche when it involves felines.
In use: “A kinder of kittens descended upon him, followed by Mama Cat, but it was the husky, trying to be part of the game, that turned the cuddle-puddle into a floofvalanche.”
Killers
Emphysema, they told him. Eyes twinkling, he chuckled with charming nonchalance (gasping for air when he did), because that was his style, and because he already knew. “Tell me something I don’t know,” he said after the chuckle, although the panic in his gut said, “This is no joke.”
They put him on all that shit, and gave him oxygen to suck on, and advised him of the things that he must give up. He gave up the shit and kept the rest. Yeah, there was unbearable pain every day and hour, but it was the loneliness and regrets who were the killers.
Catmesticate
Catmesticate (catfintion) – a sustained, multi-generational attempt to keep felines as pets over which humans exercise control.
In use: “Scientists agree that dogs are domesticated, but after studying the history of cats and humans, concluded that they can’t agree that cats have become domesticated. The conclusion prompted catologists to create a new term, catmesticate, in an effort to define the roles and relationships between cats and humans.”
The Optimist
Our area air improved from Hazardous to Very Unhealthy overnight. We’re also still not actually on fire (knock on wood), and it’s expected to be cooler today, with a high of 97 degrees, and the peaches are ripe and ready to pick.
Just being an optimist.
Backwards
Don’t you hate it when you put your underwear on backwards?
Thank God I discovered it when I used the coffee shop restroom.
Incatestable
Incatestable (catfinition) – something that can’t be disputed because the cat has decide that it is so.
In use: “The cats’ need to be present when Michael used the bathroom became incatestable as at least one feline raced into the bathroom ahead of him whenever he went in that direction. Wondering what was driving their obsessive interest, he became a master at misdirection and quiet walking. That worked for a while, but he’d forgotten that cats could read humans’ minds.”
Infloofarable
Infloofarable (catfinition) – two or more cats or dogs incapable of being separated or disjoined.
In use: “Taffy the blind cat and Bettina became infloofarable after getting to know each other.”
