Floofgent (catfinition) – a cat with an expressive and especially plaintive quality.
In use: “We were awakened by beast requesting with a floofgent meow that they be fed now.”
Six Rules for Getting Along with Your Computer
- Remember that you wanted your computer. It didn’t want you.
- Shouting at your computer won’t make it do anything faster or better, but it might save you from insanity and keep you from taking more drastic action against your computer.
- Shaking a computer until parts come off tends to be counter-productive.
- A hammer to the computer might make you feel better, but the computer will probably complain.
- A computer connected to the web can probably find more curse words than you can find on your own. Use that to your advantage when cursing your computer.
- Remember that words have power. If you curse your computer, it might be taken seriously.
Trick Question
You ever read something that you wrote and think, “Wow, this is terrible,” and then read something else you wrote, and are astonished to discover that you wrote because it seems so amazing?
Yeah, trick question, isn’t it?
Cats Snow
Cats know the snow, and these four aren’t impressed.
Quinn mews at the open door, “I don’t like the snow, please don’t make me go.”
Boo comments from the bed, “I don’t know if it’s snow, but that white stuff really blows.”
Tucker goes, “I know that’s snow, and it’s too cold for my toes.”
While Papi puts his tail down and says, “Snow and I don’t go.”
Floofish
Floofish (catfinition) – 1. awkwardly playful, and with a short attention span, like a kitten; 2. slang for catfish.
In use: “Joyful at graduating high school, the students became floofish, chasing one another and setting up ambushes.”
Floofasary
Floofasary (catfinition) – hotel or inn where cats rest for the night.
In use: “They’d been traveling across the desert when a floofasary was spotted, offering the quartet of four-pawed furry friends a place for the night.”
The Kiss Good-bye
Have you ever been sitting in your seat on an aircraft and drop something on the floor between your seat and the one in front of you? Man, the moves to pick it up would try a contortionist’s skills. If they ever tell me that we’re going down and I’d better bend over and kiss my ass good-bye, I’d need to decline. No way that I can bend over and kiss my ass in one of their seats. Nope, not going to happen. Somebody else will need to kiss it good-bye.
Catching Yourself
Ever catch yourself ranting and raving at others for their behavior, like their driving or the speed of their walk, as though they have full and absolute control over themselves, and realize that your ranting and raving is a demonstration of the small measure of control over yourself?
No? Is it just me, then?
Damn.
Floofection
Floofection (catfinition) – refreshment of mind, body, and spirit delivered by a cat’s companionship.
In use: “Returning from a weary day concerned with products, dollars, and cents, he found floofection in a few minutes of stroking Tabitha’s fur and listening to her purr.”
