- Dreamed that I was concerned about a young cat. Young, I was busy working somewhere. Constantly watching over it, I kept worrying about it having food, enough to eat, and being safe. In an odd moment in the dream, as I turned to go down a hallway and check on the cat, I thought, the cat is me. Strange dream moment. The entire dream had a quality of peeking into a different version of my existence.
- In the same dream, interspersed with my concerns about the cat, my cousin, Rick was planning to take me to meet his son, Danny. Like a recurring gag, Rick would appear and ask me when I was ready to go. I’d be blank: “Go where?” Then I would remember, “Oh, that’s right, to go meet…” Then I’d blank on the name and he would supply, “Danny.” Once best friends, I haven’t seen this cousin in over twenty years. We drifted into different directions, as they say. He had a son who I’ve never seen. I don’t recall the son’s name. He divorced that young woman within months of her giving birth to his son. I don’t know what all this means.
- An Uber self-driving car has killed someone. Uber isn’t being charged. Thinking, shades of Isaac Asimov, I conjured a story where a person is set up to be killed by a self-driving car.
- My wife was reading about “Death Wish” coffee. She thinks it might be a coffee that speaks to me. She reading aloud some hilarious Amazon reviews. “I bought this to keep me alert and focused at work. By my second cup I no longer needed a keyboard or mouse, as I was able to control my computer directly by thought. By the third cup I could hear colors and smell sounds. After my fourth cup, I decided to burn off some of the excess energy with a quick jog, and ended up finishing the Kessel Run in 11 parsecs flat!” Another: “Dear Death Wish, I just tried your coffee after receiving it the other day. I always start my day with about 4 cups so I thought, “Eh, why not”. After about the 3d cup I decided to start that kitchen demolition I had been wanting to do. But I forgot to turn off the water beforehand. Then I thought, “Eh, I always wanted an indoor pool”. Then I thought I should cut a hole in the roof to accommodate a skylight for the pool. Everything is going to plan but I need more coffee now. I need to start on installing the diving board.”
- Some serious crazy is seeping out of the GOP. Renea Turner calls herself “Trump in a skirt”. (I wonder if she grabs men by their peckers?) A woman who ran as a write-in candidate against Ohio Governor Mike DeWine in 2018, she declared herself governor of the state because she’s decided that DeWine overstepped his legal authority. She’s been implicated in a plot to kidnap and prosecute Gov. DeWine. This is at least the second such plot against a governor revealed in the last thirty days.
- We heard about twenty-three year-old Ryquell Armstead this weekend. Who is he? A professional running back with the Jacksonville Jaguars, he’s been out with COVID-19 the entire season. Quoting ESPN.com, “Armstead has been hospitalized twice and has suffered from a variety of complications connected to the virus, including significant respiratory issues, and has been hit harder than some expected.” That’s the issue with COVID-19: you don’t know how it will affect you. He is Black, and we know that Blacks are more susceptible, but he’s also young, and a trained athlete. It’s scary what the virus can do. He’s expected to recover and play next but the obvious caveat is that he was never expected to be out this long and have the complications that he’s experienced. As former New Jersey governor Chris Christie discovered, having COVID-19 can be a painful and exhausting experience, even if you survive. He, who did not wear masks all the times, is now a convert and urges, “Wear a mask.” I agree.
- My fiction writing continues to come along but it’s fitful process. As noted before, I miss the structure I created with my routines. I also miss the solitude said routines created, along with the stimulation caused by casual contacts. But I persevere because I’m stupid that way, and the tale that I’m discovering continues to entertain me. Time passes so swiftly each day, though. I find myself wondering what happened to the hours. Got my coffee, though, so it’s time to write like crazy, at least one more time.
Floof de Burgh
Floof de Burgh (floofinition) – Irish-Flooftish singer/songwriter and musician. While achieving international stardom, he’s achieved his greatest success outside of the United Floofs and the United Floofdom.
In use: “Floof de Burgh’s best-known song in the U.F. and U.F is “The Puppy in Red”, a 1986 release which had massive success, reaching number one in multiple countries.”
Introfloof
Introfloof (floofinition) – The first animal encountered by a person in their lifetime.
In use: “For many people, especially in the United States, the introfloof is a family pet, such as a dog or cat, but for some, the introfloof is encountered at a zoo (or petting zoo) or on a farm.”
FICA Rating
FICA Rating (floofinition) – The Floof Intention-Care-Affection (FICA) rating was developed by housefloofs to objectively assess and grade people and organizations regarding animal treatment. Although initiated by animals kept as pets, the FICA Rating system has been extended to all animals through the Floofreach Program.
In use: “Identified as having a high FICA Rating will cause animals to gravitate to people in number because the animals are reassured that those people can be trusted.”
Steelers Deodorant
Someone brought me some Pittsburgh Steelers deodorant. They know I’m a fan. They thought it was funny.
Coming in a black and gold container, it’s called “Steel Curtain”. Likenesses of Joe Greene, Troy Polamalu, James Harrison, and Ben Roethlisberger share the label.
I like it. The little paper that came with the box said it was formulated “through a variety of hands-on experiences” with the team. They were thorough, talking about “capturing the essence of watching film with Ben Roethlisberger in the quarterbacks room,” “the gritty combinations of linemen working out and running during OTAs,” and “the musky scent of proud men celebrating victory in the locker room,” among other aspects.
Yes, I catch some of that in its smell. It’s earthy, slightly woody to me, with a tincture of soggy, muddy grass and complex undertones of sweaty clothing, a spit of coppery blood, and the sharper, almost ethereal tang of victory. When I roll it on after my shower, my confidence vaults to higher levels. I’m ready to spring a hundred yard run. Passers-by are in danger of being tackled. The cats get wild-eyed as I sprint around the house, stiff-arming imaginary defenders, spiking the ball in the end zone, and loosing unbridled celebratory shouts.
My wife, on the other hand, raised her eyebrows at me. “What’s that smell?”
“What smell?”
Setting down her laptop, she’s glancing around. “Did something die in here?” She wrinkles up her face. “Did a cat shit in the corner?”
I sniff with indignation. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
* NOTE: This is not a real product, that I know of. I’m kind of surprised. I figured someone would’ve been all having unique deodorants, or maybe colognes for all professional teams in the U.S. Maybe they do exist. If they do, I’m sure I would’ve seen commercials or adverts. I could google it, but I’m a writer and prone to lazy fantasizing, not working.
Ready for the Floof
Ready for the Floof (floofinition) – Floofmerican R&F band formed in Floofchigan in 1982. The band achieved its greatest population and success in the 1980s. Although the group disbanded in 1991, they regrouped in 2004, and are currently touring.
In use: “Ready for the Floof’s breakout hit came with “Oh Floofla”, which reached number one on several charts in Floofmerica and Canfloofda.”
Floofpliant
Floofpliant (floofinition) Readily manipulated or controlled by animals.
In use: “Ben thought of himself as the cat whisperer because he got along with all animals, especially cats and dogs, but the animals knew him as a floofpliant mark, good for a treat, a warm body, or a touch of love when needed.”
Floofniscient
Floofniscient (floofinition) – An animal with infinite understanding, awareness, and insight.
In use: “From an age, the dog was floofniscient about what his people needed, and was readily able to give it to them, whether it was a hug and a lick to comfort them, or some silly behavior to make them laugh.”
Thompson Floofs
Thompson Floofs (floofinition) – Flooftish floof pop (floop) band formed in 1977. Originally focused on a new wave sound with synthesizers, gravitating more toward a more floofstream floop sound delivered them international success in 1982.
In use: “One of the Thompson Floofs’ biggest international hits was, “Pet Me Now,” which was released in 1983 and reached number one on some charts.”
Floof the Wet Sprocket
Floof the Wet Sprocket (floofinition) – American floofternative flock (floof rock) band. Formed in 1986, they derive their name from a Floofy Python skit.
In use: “Floof the Wet Sprocket has had multiple hit songs since their formation, including “Falling Floof” in 1994.”
