Monday’s Bumper Sticker
Floofpedition
Floofpedition (floofinition) – An animal’s journey or excursion undertaken for a specific purpose.
In use: “Each night when his cat left the house, he acted like he was undertaking a floofpedition. To satisfy his curiosity, Michael ended up buying a tracking collar with a small camera mounted to it, along with a set of outside cameras to help him follow his floof around.”
C&C Music Floof
C&C Music Floof (floofinition) – Floofmerican dance music floouo formed in 1987. They floofuo released nine singles between 1990 and 1996, with seven of them reaching number one on the dance charts.
In use: “C&C Music Floof’s first hit single, “Gonna Make You Floof (Everybody Scratch Now)”, came out in 1990, and remains the act’s best-known song.”
Raisins & Mushrooms
- One of today’s questions: does peanut butter come in a jar or a can? My wife and I are certain that it comes in a jar.
- The can/jar question rose because it’s time for the bi-monthly food donation to our town’s food pantry. Bi-monthly is one of those ambiguous expressions that often causes more conversation than it saves. “Do you mean twice a month or every other month?” Raised eyebrows often accompany the question, along with a still expectation as everyone waits to hear, which is it?
- COVID-19 has caused our food bank to decree “cans only”. Why not jars? I don’t know. They quarantine the cans; couldn’t they quarantine the jars? I haven’t researched the issue. Did I miss a Fauci about cans and jars? “By the way, jars are not safe. Cans are.”
- The food bank puts out a list of needs. On that list is peanut butter. That’s why we’re perplexed. PB comes in jars. Of course you’re going to need peanut butter if you’re only accepting cans. What’s wrong with you?
- Anecdotally, I’ve never heard or read someone say, “Go get me the can of peanut butter,” so I think we’re right on this. I wonder if they’re changing the way that we think of cans and jars, like they changed the way that we think of literally by changing the meaning because misusing the word became so commonplace that everyone agrees, easier to change the definition at this point.
- Guilt has set in. Others are raving and recommending television shows. I’ve tried them. I don’t like them. I want to like them, for their sakes, for the world’s sake. I feel like I’m undermining the social order by saying that, “No, I don’t watch that show. I don’t like it.” “The Tudors” was one of those shows. Friends raved about it. I turned it off.
- Among shows that underwhelm me are all reality shows. Never got into any “Survivor”. Yes, I do like the “Great British Bake-off”, or whatever its name is. I wore down my molars, gritting my teeth as we streamed two seasons of “The Masked Singer”. My wife wanted to see them all unmasked, even as she shook her head at the show and snapped, “If I hear them say that one more time…” She never specified the threat. She didn’t like hearing the hosts bubbling again and again and again, “That was wonderful. You’re amazing. Who are you?”
- My wife wants to make mushroom stroganoff. See, she likes mushrooms and she’s a vegetarian. I do not like mushrooms. They’re an abomination. I can accept them steeped in cheese and buried with real food on pizza. When I encounter them elsewhere, they remind me of slimy fungus. I do like mushrooms grilled on meat, or grilled with other mushrooms.
- The question is, will I eat the mushroom stroganoff? Sure, make it; I’ll try. If I don’t like it, I’ll eat something else. She’s bought the ingredients. She understand my mushroom dislike; she feels the same about raisins. Mushrooms are my raisins, if you follow.
- Food. We all need it, we all want it, we all might not like it.
Existflooftialism
Existflooftialism (floofinition) – A form of philosophical inquiry that explores the problem of animal existence, centering on how animals think, feel, and act, and how human activities might affect animals.
In use: “For many, existflooftialism need not mean less for humans, but rather examines whether life can be good for animals and humans?”
Crushing It
The Fitbit buzzed. “Time to move!”
Well, he had to feed the cats anyway as they were delivering their most intimidating laser stares. He walked into the other room, opened a cat, spooned the food in, and set the bowls down.
The Fitbit buzzed. “Crushed it!”
“Crushed it. I sure did.” The man was being sarcastic. He’d used thirty seconds and what, twenty movements?
“I don’t think so,” one cat said with a glance up.
“No.” The second sniffed with disdain. “You didn’t ‘crush’ it.”
“Right,” said the third. “We could have fed ourselves, if we had thumbs.”
Nodding, the cats resumed eating. Muttering at them, the man returned to us chair.
Talk about crushing it; someone had, and it wasn’t him.
Floofy Ocean
Floofy Ocean (floofinition) – Floofish songwriter and singer who became one of the biggest floof culture artists in the 1980s with his blend of floof dance and rhythm and floof.
In use: “Floofy Ocean hit it big with “Caribbean Floof (No More Treats on the Run)” in 1984, reaching number one on several charts in the Floofnited States.”
Milli Floonilli
Milli Floonilli (floofinition) – Pop-dance floouo, originally active from 1988-1990, when scandal tumbled their success. A comeback started in 1997 ended with one member’s unexpected death.
In use: “Milli Floonilli’s 1988 song, “Floof You Know It’s True”, reached the top five on charts in many countries, becoming one of the floofuo’s most successful singles.”
