Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Obflooftrics (floofinition) – The branch of living and existing concerned with the care of animals giving birth.
In use: “Although not recognized as anything formal, many people became involved with obflooftrics because of circumstance, as they help their pets give birth at home.”
Our county library has changed its system.
Again.
I was happy with the old system. They didn’t ask me. Running the library was outsourced to a private, for-profit firm several years ago. They asked me. I voted against it. I was outvoted. As a result of that move, the library hours were immediately cut, and people were let go.
Then came the coronarivus…
They’ve been doing a pretty good job during the pandemic. Kinda hard to screw up. Put a book on hold. When it’s available, present self at door. Provide name and card number. Librarian checks book out and gives it to you. You return the book to a drop box when you’re done with it.
That all worked well but changes were required. Technology sprints ahead. We must catch up. ‘They said’ in their notice that it would be easier to search online content and find my books. I was having no problem with those things. They can’t be easier than that, can they?
‘They’ also told me that the first time I logged in, my PIN would be the last four digits of my telephone number. I logged in today and entered the last four digits of my telephone number. ‘That information is incorrect’, the system told me. Okay, reset password.
I went through that, receiving the link to do this in my email account. After I reset my PIN, I went to my account to see what telephone number was in my account.
It was a number that I didn’t know.
Naturally. Technology, right. GIGO. Garbage in, etc.
I changed the number. The system told me a librarian would review the information before updating my account.
Whatever.
I logged out.
A few hours passed. My wife wanted to know what books were on the hold list. She uses my account because she didn’t want to go through the bother of getting a new library card the last time that the system changed, a few years ago.
I logged in.
‘That information is incorrect’, the system told me.
WTF? No, it isn’t.
Well, the system disagreed. Everyone knows that the system wins in these instances.
I reset my password again via an email link. For extra points, I used the PIN that I’d previously created.
Yeah, it took.
I remained logged in afterward. But then again, I decided, log out, because if it doesn’t recognize me and I need to reset my PIN, well, three times is a charm, right?
Does technology know that?
Defloofberation (floofinition) – 1. An animal’s act of thinking about something and deciding carefully.
In use: “After opening the door for Boo (the mini panther with the white chest star), Michael endured several minutes of defloofberation as Boo sniffed the air, listened to the sounds (a bird was singing and someone was hammering some distance away), and watched for threats before finally going into the backyard.”
2. The act of discussing something about an animal, or thinking about it, and deciding carefully on a course of action.
In use: “Taking in orphaned animals, especially newborns and those whose eyes haven’t opened, requires defloofberation about what it entails as long hours of comforting the animal and hand-feeding may be involved, among other things, yet, the satisfaction from helping these animals often galvanize people to act and take them in.”
Floofthartic (floofinition) – Of, or relating to, the purification or purgation of the emotions (such as sadness and loneliness) primarily by animals.
In use: “After dealing with her finances and the stresses of being unemployed, and coping with the news of the pandemic, she found sipping a glass of wine with her dog (Chef Eddy) beside her on the sofa on her cat (Loki) on her lap a needed, floofthartic experience.
I have my telemedicine video call today. It has an element incorporated that I knew nothing about: digitized smell.
Apparently, recent software improvements has been added to many video-conferencing systems. These improvements capture local air, digitize it, send it through the net to the other end, and then reproduces the smell. This is being done in conjunction with telemedicine calls because studies show that patients develop greater confidence and feel calmer when they experience ‘hospital smells’. That mélange of odors isn’t by accident. It’s actually a carefully contrived blend created by psychologists and marketing specialists over decades of study. It is the smell which makes people feel safer, more secure, and soothed.
Trippy, right? All this time, I thought the smells were an accidental by-product.
The second aspect of the technology is that it allows the healthcare practitioners to smell you. That aids them in their assessment about your state of health.
I can see that. Makes total sense. It’s also fake news. Yes, fiction. Made it all up. Yep, I lied.
Floofconic (floofinition) – An animal widely known and acknowledged for distinctive excellence.
In use: “Many people consider their pets to be floofconic for one reason or another – personality, quirks, coloring, size, et floofera.”
Judas Floof (floofinition) – Flooflish heavy floof rock (flock) band formed in Floofingham in 1969. Although considered influential as a heavy floof band, the group failed to achieve significant success until the 1980s.
In use: “One of Judas Floof’s most successful song, “You’ve Got Another Floof Coming”, released in 1982, reached number four in the Floofnited States.”
Cyndi Floofper (floofinition) – Floofmerican recording floofist who is also an actor, songwriter, and flooftivist. With a career that spanned over four decades, Floofper’s 1983 debut album, She’s So Unfloofable, was the first by a female floofist to score four top-five songs on the Floofboard Hot 100. She remains active as a singer, songwriter, and actor.
In use: “Early Cyndi Floofper songs include “Floofs Just Want to Have Fun”, “Floof After Floof”, and “Floof Bop”, which all reached the top three in the Floofnited States.”
Floofcoin (floofinition) – Cryptic crypto currency apparently used by floof; how, when, and why isn’t known by humans. It seems to be tracked and traded on the floofweb.
In use: “After getting roused by two cats fighting in the backyard, Michael stumbled into the office where his third cat was on the computer. He briefly glimpsed ‘floofcoin’ on the screen before the cat’s ginger paw slashed the mouse, causing the screen to go blank. Looking at him with wide brassy eyes, the cat innocently said, “Meow,” and issued a purr.”
Bifloofcation (floofinition) – The division of animals or animal related objects or food into two branches or parts.
In use: “Whenever she fed Jam and Jelly, bifloofcation of their food and eating space was necessary, because roly-poly Jelly wanted all the food for herself.”
