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Floofeiture (floofinition) – the loss or giving up of something to a pet, most often in reference to furniture, but also used in connection with food.
In use: “Finally admitting the he needed to get up to pee, he reluctantly did so, knowing that doing so meant floofeiture to one of the animals waiting to take his seat. If he had to bet on it, he would say the corgi would win.”
Floofkin (floofinition) – an animal with a bright orange color or markings that resembles a pumpkin; an indulgent nickname for a pet.
In use: “”Hey floofkin,” he said as the bright orange tabby ran up to him. Its tail was straight up except for a crook at the end. “Want something to eat?”
“”Mew,” the kitty replied, rubbing against the man’s leg.”
Cofloofitate (floofinition) – to share a place with pets; pets of different species sharing a dwelling.
In use: “Cofloofitating with dogs, cats, and birds, he was surprised by their demonstrated intelligence and compassion. They comforted not only him when he was sick or sad, but watched over one another, too.”
Floofbush (floofinition) – a surprise attack by pets lying in wait in a concealed position.
In use: “As a kitten, he became a floofbush expert. No tail, toe, foot, or finger was safe, and everyone, human and animal, were acceptable targets. Once he was an expert, he didn’t want to give it up, so every guest was warned on entering, “The cat will probably get you, but don’t worry. He’s just playing.” Still, though warned, more than one person jumped, shrieked, or shouted, which seemed to please the cat.”
Floofversation (floofinition) – an informal talk between one or more people and their pets.
In use: “Each morning as he fed the cats and dogs, they had a floofversation about the weather, the book he was reading, and the news. The animals tended to agree with him, which he interpreted as evidence of their intelligence.”
Absofloofly (floofinition) – with no qualification, restriction, or limitation on what the housepets are permitted to do or go.
In use: “In an absofloofly dominated home, it’s not surprising to find dogs asleep on sofas, cats preening on tables or exploring kitchen counters, or a person trapped by their beds in their bed.”
Distal Floof (floofinition) – in floofology, the housepet farthest away from where a human is seated is the distal floof, and the housepet that’s closest to hand is known as he proximal floof.
In use: “If Meg was alone, Callie was a distal floof and Jade was the proximal floof, but as soon as company appeared, Jade disappeared and Callie assumed the position of proximal floof.”
Floofbivalent (floofinition) – having or showing simultaneous and contradictory attitudes or feelings toward your pet(s).
In use: “Finding that whenever and wherever he sat, from commode and bed to living room, dining room, and office chairs, a cat or dog would immediately hunt for his lap, he was becoming floofbivalent about sharing his life with pets. But then they’d do something, and the floofbivalent would fade away.”
Exfloofmation (floofinition) – a sudden cry or remark, especially expressing surprise, anger, or pain, in connection that a pet has done; a sudden noise, expressing surprise, anger, or pain, made by a pet.
In use: “Seeing the vomit, he said, “Not again,” in exfloofmation, only to hear his dog release an exfloofmation in the other room that sounded like he was in pain.”
Aide-de-Floof (floofinition) – a person who assists housepets by giving them their medicine, feeding them, cleaning up after them, and playing with them.
In use: “His position as aide-de-floof sometimes required him to interrupt his sleep at four in the morning to let a cat into the house, or feed one of them, which, naturally, meant that they would all be fed.”
